Help me get over my irrational fear of sending my children to the local state schools.

[thedolly]

ATM we live in a semi rural area and the DCs are at a Prep School. We are very happy with the school but the money to pay for it will run out eventually and I will end up working to pay for school fees.

Should we just stay put (in our very nice house) and brave the local state schools or move to a place where house prices are very expensive but the schools have a good reputation?

I have also posted this in AIBU as I feel I need a good kick up the backside.

Has anyone gone from private to state? I suspect it is a bigger adjustment for the parents than the children.

Lots of privately educated children don't go on to have massive salaries, happy lives, particularly enlightened outlooks, whatever it is you are 'aspiring' to. Lots of state-educated children do.

The 'right' school decision is about the individual school and the child, not the sector. And what the child eventually achieves is a product of making the right choices as a family - about school, values, financial awareness, social responsibility.

Hmmm. Sounds to me like you've answered your own question, thedolly. You don't seem to want your DCs in the state sector, so don't put them there.

Hecules et al. Both DH and I are well educated - we met at Uni doing higher degrees . My career is 'on hold' whilst I spend time with my children prior to them attending FTE. Your assumptions on that issue are wrong.

I am not disillusioned with state education, I am/was a teacher, all be it mostly in the independent sector. There are state schools with great facilities (better than private schools in some instances)and fantastic teachers.

It is about lack of aspirations of which there is more in the state sector.

IMO and IME, aspirations come from home far more than from school. If a child is brought up in a home where education, future prospects, ambition etc is valued, then going to a state school with a few kids who do not hold the same values is not going to pull them down, IYSWIM.
Do you really believe that it will?

I have taught in a couple of very low-achieving state schools, and am currently hearing from ex-student after ex-student who has just graduated from university. They certainly have aspirations!

I find it very odd that someone who has worked in education has made their judgement of a school based mainly on it's external appearance and a belief (without having talked to any parents/teachers etc etc) that the aspirations of the pupils who attend are low.

BonsoirAnna - I have done all of the research that you mention (appropriate for primary level) except meet with the Head. I didn't know it was the done thing in the state sector and would feel guilty about taking up their time (as opposed to not feeling guilty about taking up the time of a Head in a private school ).

It is something that I will now be doing with my toddler in toe.

thedolly - if you would prefer your children to go to a private school (and you clearly would) you are going to have to either move house or go back to work. If you neither want to move house nor return to work, you are going to have to resign yourself to state education.

So what's going to give:

• house
• your free time
• children's private education

?

My DTS are 3, and therefore I am about to start investigating our local primaries in detail. I fully intend to make appointments to see each and every headteacher. I think it's important, and do not believe any of them will consider it a waste of their time. Party of their job is to "sell" their school to parents.

I have done masses and masses of research on lycées, both private and state, for my stepsons in the past year, often with DD in tow. And information about schools is much less readily available in France than in England.

Part of their job, I meant. It seems my mind is on other matters...

If it's only about lack of aspirations...you are wrong.

I would personally rather be a stay t home mum, and send my DC's to state school .....I think bing at home with them after schoool is more important than having acres of beautiful grounds and lovely buildings during the school day.

(yes I do rate myself, somewhat. )

If Iwere you, I would go back to work, stay in your lovely house and keep sending your DCs to thier lovely school.

(And I'm sure Xenia would say them same )

lockets - your question is a pertinent one.

I have achieved more (in terms of career and lifestyle) than any other member of my family and I put it all down to the fact that I had a better education than my brothers/cousins.

I dont see how as a teacher married to someone with obviously higher earning power to you, claim to be so aspirational. Really, I dont. The only reason you are able to consider private is because you married someone who earns a lot more than you do. Again, not what I would want my kids to aspire to.

I do not want my kids to be teachers either.

Beware of sacrificing too much for the privately-educated dream: I've seen the disappointment and even resentment among parents whose expensively educated child decided that, actually, the long hours, pressure and sacrifices of the professions weren't for them.

And, in my experience, that seems to be a much more common reaction amongst people who have come from less privileged backgrounds, done well, then wanted to give their own children a 'leg-up'. I think it comes from the sense that something other than the day-to day tuition is being bought - when it isn't.

Bonsoiranna - it is not clear in my mind. Even if I go back to work we may not be able to afford private education for all 3.

It is a huge risk and I would hate to have egg on my face if they end up in the state sector and it is great .

Besides, there are other ways that we could spend the money that may or may not be more beneficial.

It is not a straightforward or simple descision which is why I have been typing all afternoon on 2 parallel threads.

Thank you for your contributions ladies they are greatly appreciated.

I have read some of Xenias posts in the past - I wish she would come along and give some advice.

Where is Xenia?

thedolly - I can honestly say (having looked arund recently, and recaling my own childhood experiences that I couldn't find a better school for my DS than the state school he is at now.

But your children aren't my chilren, your local school isnt' the school my Ds is at.

I do plan to "finish" my DS by sending him to an idependant school for 6th form though.

(My socialist DH has other ideas

justabout - I am interested in your story.

Another option is to send all 3 children to a Prep School for the first 3 years, long enough hopefully for them to develop a positive attitude to school and experience a wide range of activites. I am not too worried about them in the state sector at secondary level.

This is so insulting to so many on different levels.Once you get over that aspect the whole thing is laughable.I too was educated privately and my ds is in state school and he is way less hung up and stressed than I ever was.

LynetteScavo - different schools of thought