Help me get over my irrational fear of sending my children to the local state schools.

[thedolly]

ATM we live in a semi rural area and the DCs are at a Prep School. We are very happy with the school but the money to pay for it will run out eventually and I will end up working to pay for school fees.

Should we just stay put (in our very nice house) and brave the local state schools or move to a place where house prices are very expensive but the schools have a good reputation?

I have also posted this in AIBU as I feel I need a good kick up the backside.

Has anyone gone from private to state? I suspect it is a bigger adjustment for the parents than the children.

You know, I have heard, albeit a rumour, that state educated children have on the rare occasion also developed a positive attitide to school and occasionally (although more rarely) even had a wide range of experiences along the way.

Or was that a dream...

Unless you can afford a top flight private education where the actual school name has kudos once you are in the work place you are wasting your money if you think they are more aspirational.The ones I know of are full of new money and soap actors with the odd builder who got lucky in the housing boom

Not that they are more aspirational, just that there are more of them that are not aspirational in the state sector.

hercules1 you may jest, you are obviously very confident in the choices you have made for your children - lucky you

If you were a brain surgeon and held these views I could kind of understand. If you werent with your dh you couldnt afford to have these choices. As I said, hardly aspirational yourself.

No, I went and looked at the choices.

i disagree very strongly with one thing - where the op says -

I suspect it is a bigger adjustment for the parents than the children.

it isn't. school is pretty much everything in the lives of school age kids.
all the parent has to do is pick up and drop off, then see the teachers once a term.

I'm not talking about my children having aspirations to be a brain surgeon, I just mean that I want them to embrace all that the world has to offer along with a love of knowledge and learning.

BTW my DH doesn't earn bucket loads and we are as well educated as each other.

Did you visit any Prep schools hercules1?

I am genuinely puzzled by your assumption that a private school is more likely to foster a love of learning and "aspirations" (not sure I entirely buy your backpedalling on what that actually means btw)

WHY do you assume this? When you know nothing about state schools and are refusing to set foot inside one?

Weird!

Okay, I want exacty the same for my kids and as a teacher (very senior) I believe the most important influence for this starts in the home. I did look at independent schools for both mine at primary and secondary but found the state alternatives to be better for a variety of reasons. We are fortunate that the state choices are very good.
I have no regrets at the moment.

That's not to say I wouldnt have sent them privately if the state schools werent good. However I did learn a lot about all the choices rather than just basing my views on ignorance.

Greensleeves - I am not back pedalling, why would you asume so?

You also asume that I know nothing about state schools - most of my family and my friends and their children are /have been educated in them.

I could ask what you know about private schools but that is not really relevant to this debate.

"I want them to embrace all that the world has to offer along with a love of knowledge and learning"
this comes from you, and not from the school.
what you are talking about as far as I can tell is that you are worried about your children mixing with children with working class (non-middle class?) parents.
this may come as a massive shock to you but working class children can love learning too.
I know, almost unbelievable isn't it?
I think, though, that if you are looking for a love of money and an aspiration towards achieving status, then that is a different matter.

You could indeed dolly, and I would reply that I know quite a bit about private and state schools, having had a rather chequered background

I think you need to be honest with yourself, if not with us, about what it is you are really buying. This "love of learning" schtick is a cover for plain old snobbery IMO.

Go Hercules I am too knackered for this thread tonight been a long day but am sad that people really think state school education breeds a load of disinterested passionless individuals when I have found the very opposite!

I am trying hard to be honest with myself and I appreciate all the repies thus far.

In case you missed it I am proud of my working class roots - my parents taught me that 'it is not where you live it is how you live' and this is a philosophy that I have tried to live by.

Is it possible to be a snob about education? I just want my children to have the best educational experience and if I have to pay then so be it (until the money runs out).

There is nothing wrong with sending your children to private school. WHat people are getting annoyed about is your ignorance about state educated children.

"I just want my children to have the best educational experience and if I have to pay then so be it (until the money runs out). "

It seems strange for you to say that when your main criteria seems to be that you pay for the education, rather than investigating the quality of the individual schools.

if you really are "proud of your working class roots" then you are in a state of extreme conflict

you need to wake up, stop being so childish and go and LOOK at some schools! And leave your silly prejudices in the playground

You do sound a little like my dp to be honest. He is not a snob, comes from very poor background and just wants dd to have the best. He did go to an awful secondary school and I was teaching in a "sink" school at the time, this affected his udgement. He and other members of my fsmily nagged me for ages about dd going to an independant school, offers from all over the place to pay the fees incase money was an issue. I gave in briefly and dd had a place at a public school for this September. I managed to compromise by agreeing to move away from out very deprived town. I also now teach in a very good state school that has many of the things that her public school offered, attractive building, lush grounds, state of the art facilities, theatre etc... I have also encouraged dp to come into my school for social house events as well as plays. He also works from home now and spends quite a bit of time in dd primary school, helping out, chatting to parents and teachers. His view of state education is now very different and although I know that in his heart he would love to pay for dd to go the lovely independent school up the road he is content with the state sector. But without taking time to find out about the state sector he would have judged the whole system on a very narrow experience.

Oh Hercules1, I hope you aren't suggesting that being a teacher lacks aspiration??

Dolly, I think YABU to,
a) Hold such fears based purely on the fact that the school is state
b) Think that you can make an informed judgement just by looking at the outside (unless there is literally no outdoor space)

I am one of those teachers who teaches in the state sector whilst using the private sector to educate my kids. However, I didn't choose the sector I chose the school. An excellent independent school is always going to have better physical facilities than even the very best the state sector has to offer. This doesn't mean the quality of the teaching is better nor that the overall experience for the child will be better. You have to judge that for yourself based on the schools available to you.

I've taught in very affluent areas, in deprived areas and lots of schools in the middle. There is an issue with aspiration in the most deprived areas mainly because the parents just don't know how to support their children's education. However, I've found little difference between the parental aspirations in the middle income areas and the most affluent. So what I'm trying to say is that unless your local school has a very challenging intake or a very poor report then you'll probably find that the parents there want just as much for their kids as you do for yours.

I am currently teaching in a working class area but not one with major deprivation. I consider myself a pretty good teacher and I think the kids in our school get an excellent education (OFSTED agree ) They are not missing out educationally because they are in the state sector.

My local school is very affluent with the catchment including many 1m+ houses (not mine ) I still chose private for class sizes, facilities (at this particular school) and the wraparound care offered.

Just trying to say, make your decision based on the actual schools not on any pre-conceived ideas or irrational prejudices.

Sorry for long post. Started writing it nearly an hour ago. And meant to put a wink aftyer the hercules1 post as I'm sure you're a teacher too.

I notice in my school that a desire to be a teacher is not seen as particularly aspirational and that does make me a little sad. Imfact if I think of my two topsets that have just finished there GCSEs there were only a few that wanted to be teachers and everyone else thought they would be doomed to a life of poverty. I have had students ask me why I teach when I could clearly have done other things.

I am not sure if I would like my dd to be a teacher. I hope she finds a job that she loves as muc as I love mine, but I would like to think she would not need to work as hard. I am seen as something of a failure in my family for being teacher, my mum used to make up fanstasy careers to tell her friends.

I have read the OFSTED reports inside out and looked at every photo/page on all the local schools websites - I have spent many hours thinking about this.

I do have prejudices but I don't want them to impact negatively on my children. When I look at the websites for independent schools what I see are happy smiling healthy looking children smiling out at me - it is not always the case with the state school websites.

Please do not be offended, I know I am being brutally honest here and I will take what you have to say by way of response but it is not my intention to offend anyone.

You cant judge a school by its website or even ofsted you need to visit during a working day.

My state school website is full of smiling hard working children,

Ok, now you are being swayed by marketing. Independent schools are businesses. They spend a lot of money marketing their product. Photographers are directed to take pictures that look vibrant and fun filled as their research has shown them it makes parents believe the school to then be vibrant and fun filled.

State school websites are predominantly there to provide information. They are not financially reliant on you thinking they are high tech. It would be a gross misuse of school funds to spend thousands on staged gloss.

Please, please do not let brochures influence you. And remember I say this as a parent using the indie sector.