Help me get over my irrational fear of sending my children to the local state schools.

[thedolly]

ATM we live in a semi rural area and the DCs are at a Prep School. We are very happy with the school but the money to pay for it will run out eventually and I will end up working to pay for school fees.

Should we just stay put (in our very nice house) and brave the local state schools or move to a place where house prices are very expensive but the schools have a good reputation?

I have also posted this in AIBU as I feel I need a good kick up the backside.

Has anyone gone from private to state? I suspect it is a bigger adjustment for the parents than the children.

I also believe that good English state secondary schools can compete academically - lots of my cousins were educated at grammar schools and went on to Oxbridge and starry academic achievements.

I still get rather at the facilities enjoyed by pupils at English private schools and the opportunities for acquiring skills in sport, music, art, drama etc that they provide. But hey ho, I don't live in England, so I at least don't have the dilemma of whether or not to fork out for private

There was a time that we thought we might be moving to Paris and I was quite impressed by the schools there Bonsoiranna .

So mrc, why do you privately educate yours?

TBH, music facilities were one of the big swinging factors for me.

-Class sizes (teaching in the state sector, I know they make a difference especially at infant level.

-The amazing facilities offered by our school. Really amazing.

-Music and sport

-Wraparound care included in fees

For me it is all about the experience. I don't care whether they get 4 As at Alevel or 2 As and a B. I don't care about the elitist bollocks or the imagined kudos. I want them to enjoy their days at school.

For example, I consider myself a good teacher. I teach the Victorians well. I try to bring it to life, bring in a few borrowed artefacts, hopefully visit a museum. Generally try to make it as interesting as possible. Now at my children's school, they transform the whole corridor into a Victorian street. have enough artefacts for all, have lots of appropriate dressing up clothes etc. Lots of visiting workshops bringing things to life. They absolutely love it and can't wait to go in every day.

They have a drama studio and swim weekly. They have an allotment and a large wooded area with beautiful climbing frames. If a child wants to play an instrument they find someone to teach it.

As I said, it's about the day to day experience. The actual academic side of it is further down the list for me.

So what would you do in my position MRC - you didn't say?

What about you Bonsoiranna, WWYD?

It really riles me when I hear people talk about schools in working class areas as some how being inferior and all the children that go to the school must be disaffected with poor behaviour.

I worked for ten years in Tower Hamlets. One of the most deprived areas in the country. The school was fantastic and so were the pupils. Really determined to succeed and had high aspirations to improve themselves. Their natural ability astounded me. These pupils have parents who want them to do well, but unfortunately did not have the education or skills to be able to help.

Of course there was a number of pupils with challenging behaviour. But what you will find that those children who want to and learn just dont hang around or socialise with these pupils.

And by the way the school achieved over 60% pass rate with maths and english. Over 70% of pupils were on free school meals.

mrc I totally get where you are coming from and feel the same

cascade - your story is heartening

Well, first, I'd get a job in order to bump up the school account. Personally, we would also down size the house to keep them there. But I stress that is more to do with keeping them where they are happy. I would not downsize to send my toddlers to a school not yet attended IYKWIM.

Well, seeing as the vast majority of people in this country are state educated I don't understand what you are so scared of.
State educated children have much nicer manners than most privately schooled children that I have met

mrc but don't you ever ask yourself if they might be just as happy at the local state school?

mrsruffallo - my DC have lovely manners, it is often commented upon .

Not really because I feel the time for debating was before DS started. He's there now, going into Y1 and DD1 is about to start the nursery class, we've made our decision and will live with it.

If it became a struggle financially then I'm sure I'd think about it more. It's not easy though, as we have a stupidly high mortgage. We pay out of income which is not a good idea but have enough in a savings acc we started for school to cover 3 kids for a year.

I think we differ in that I think that good kids from supportive homes with flourish wherever they go to school. There are statistics which show that homelife is a far bigger factor in determining achievement than school.

I would work more to earn the money to cover the fees if I thought that a private school was going to offer my child a lot more than the local state school and we couldn't afford them.

I probably will work specifically to pay for extras for DD later on - I'm thinking of things like summer camp in the US, that can cost many $1000s.

I'm not so worried about the kids flourishing/achieving - it is more about wanting them to be happy amongst other children that are happily aspirational IYKWIM.

My DD is such a good girl - she thinks that it is 'naughty' to speak when the teacher is speaking. We've tried to tell her that there are far naughtier things that children can and do do in an attempt to get her to chill out .

I do wonder how you know that so much about state schools considering your rather limited experience of them?
And really, if your children are so impressionable that you fear they will be stripped of their aspirations by the very few children in their state school class who have none then I would home tutor, so as to protect them from having contact with anyone who may not be ambitious enough for them to associate with.

What is the point of this thread anyway?
You seem to be asking to be convinced about state schools whilst arguing against them?

The point of this thread is to help me get over my 'irrational fear'.

Thanks to the helpful contributions of many I am now feeling much more confident about the prospect of sending my children to school within the state system.

I am still not sure whether or not to move to an area with better state schools or to stay here where the chances of me getting a job and continuing to educate my DC privately are higher (at least I think they are).

Or indeed whether or not to just send them to the local state school.

Has that answered your question mrsruffallo?

thedolly - just confused as to why you're not concerned about your local state secondaries but are about the primaries - surely its the other way around. Unless you live in a grammar school area of course and are convinced that all 3 are going to get in.

The 'beautiful buildings, beautiful people' thing made me rofl btw - are you really on the level? I remain unconvinced.

What do you mean by a lot more BonsoirAnna? More of what? Orchestra/team sports?

I have read this whole thread with interest. I am in a very similar position to you (DD1 currently in prep-prep but moving in Sept to local state primary) and I know exactly what you are going through and I endorse all the comments you have made. You are NOT being a snob to want the best for your children. But you will never get a fair hearing from MN because any debate about inde education is very quickly reduced to a state v private argument.

We live in a lovely village with an 'outstanding' primary which feeds into an 'outstanding' senior. I have visited the school, read the ofsteds, know children who attend and all appears excellent. But...I can't escape the feeling that I am in some way letting my dd down.

I don't care what everyone says the facilities do not compare - my daughter plays tennis, goes swimming and does lots of after school activites. She reads at least 3x times per week with the teacher on a 1x1 basis and most of all she is happy. The class size is also half that of the local school she will be attending.

However we have made the difficult decision to move her (for financial reasons). Awful to say but if it doesn't work out we can always move her back (maybe move to smaller house to fund) but we will never know until we try. She might ultimately prefer being within walking distance to her school and friends and all this agonising will have been for nothing!

Thanks for chipping in lexie01 - good luck, I hope it all goes well for your DD. I would love to know how you both get on.

I will look out for the thread title "AIBU to be gloating that I moved my DD to the state sector and she loves it" .

I don't think your fear is irrational. I think you are concerned about the quality of your child's education. My teen son has been to state all his life so I know there is a difference between state and private schools. My daughter is moving into a state school next week from private as we are unable to continue funding her private education. I am concerned that if she were to move into a school that was under "special measures" or along those lines, that all the hard work she has put in up to date will be undone.

I think you really need to go and visit some schools and get a feel for where your daughter would best settle in. As somebody mentioned, the best state schools are usually over subscribed so you need to do your research.

At the end of the day, education is very important but it is not everything. We chose private because we could afford it, now we can't so our daughter moves into a state school. I was educated in a state school, as was my husband and my eldest child. It is a change, but one which your child will quickly get used to.

WTF is wraparound care?

Before and after school clubs/ or it could be a childminder.

Like before and after school care. Not all state schools aoffer both or even either. Our local state offers after but not before. At our school teachers have groups and clubs going on from 7.30 til 8.40 when class starts. Then again from after school til 6pm. It's included in our fees. At our local school it's £10 till 5pm and £15 till 6pm so not cheap. Also, at most state schools it is just supervision and some juice. DS has science club and gardening and story club on the 3 days I work.

Won't that be great if that is the case! Seriously though for us it was trying to work out what was really important to us as a family. Education was and is vitally important but so to was a happy and constant home life. We do live in a lovely area and I took the decision to have a career break to look after my children for the first few years. I could have gone back to work but the impact on family life would have been too great (leaving house at 7.30 with DD1 & DD2 - who is only 2 - and not getting back until 5.30). We therefore decided to take a chance.

I do fully understand the struggles you are going through. Someone once said that you go through a grieving process and I think that is true. You grieve for all the things you have perceived to have lost.

Anyway good luck with your decision. And watch this space in Sept!!

Fruitsunshine - do you feel that you have wasted your money now that your DD is going to a state school? I hope this isn't too personal a question.