Help me get over my irrational fear of sending my children to the local state schools.

[thedolly]

ATM we live in a semi rural area and the DCs are at a Prep School. We are very happy with the school but the money to pay for it will run out eventually and I will end up working to pay for school fees.

Should we just stay put (in our very nice house) and brave the local state schools or move to a place where house prices are very expensive but the schools have a good reputation?

I have also posted this in AIBU as I feel I need a good kick up the backside.

Has anyone gone from private to state? I suspect it is a bigger adjustment for the parents than the children.

I personally don't like the doubling up of years - I had this in my own village school, and academically, it didn't work for the bright ones (I was was bored rigid). So that may be a problem. But equally, at age 6, 7, 8, I think it is more about having fun, so Yr 1 & 2 being mixed wouldn't be so much of a problem as the older years.

And judging from the state of the building is madness! Go and see the headteacher, you'll get an instant feel. I did this for prep and state schools, and preferred the local state option, despite the less glitzy premises/uniforms!!

It is hard, but at the moment you are not really working from any knowledge base, and you'll only be able to think about it properly once you've been & seen.

theDolly - composite classes can have a great effect for children. My dd1 has been in one twice. For p1, we were in a small rural school and she was in a composite class of 9 children, age 5-12, and her maths/history/art/music etc were really brought on by being with older children - she learned loads she would not have in a single year group. It was a small class due to language provision in rural scotland.

She has also been in a composite p3/4 class in her larger school in the city. Once again, was a great experience. It widens ideas, peer group, friendships etc.

Your comment about "braving" the local state schools is a bit offensive, though. Some (most) of us have no choice. Which actually I don't mind - even if I had the choice, my children would go to state school.

DP was educated at an awful comp but has done well for himself. He hated the whole school experience and came by his qualifications via an non traditional route. He has experienced prejudice against this in his workplace.

The DC love their current school and he is amazed at how confident they are and how much they are prepared to embrace all that it has to offer.

We are both undecided about a move as our house here is perfect. A move would however reduce his commute to work substantially but he (more than me) hates the idea of downsizing and feels that educating the children in the state system is more of a risk than going 'private'.

I would argue that state schools are private as we all pay for them in our taxes.

Look at why you chose a prep school in the first place.

the dolly, you are coming at this from the wrong perspective: you are citing principles rather than 'I like this about x school, and that about y school'. I know some people have principled views as to whether they would or would not use a private school, but I took the view that I needed to look at the school and the child, and see which fitted.

You won't find the answer on here : you need to go and look at the schools. If the local state schools genuinely won't suit your children, for whatever reason, then the house down-size will be much easier to swallow.

I chose a prep school because I taught in an independent Senior School with a Prep School attached and I could not believe the fantastic experiences that the children had access to. I was certain that it was what I wanted for my children from that moment on.

Does that make me a snob?

No, what makes you a snob is assuming the state school is going to be a come down.

It feels more logical to me to base your decisions on the actual schools available to you, rather than a belief that a private school is always going to be better than a state school.

wonderinwondering - My children have no special needs, they would fit in anywhere - they are just ordinary children IYKWIM.

I am not sure what is to be gained by visiting the local schools. So what if the Head is good - they could leave next year/term. The local children are not louts. I am sure that the majority of the staff are dedicated to their jobs etc.

FBGIB - what do you mean by a come down?

My main fear is about lack of aspiration in pupils/parents and I beleive this to be more prevalent in the state sector. I have seen the effect of it on my neices and nephews.

Am I wrong?

It's not a question of special needs.

I looked at the local schools, state and private. DS, so far as one could tell at age 3/4, appeared to be keen to learn, happy leaving me for a day at school, mixed easily with children, reasonably sporty. If he'd have not been like that, there's a small local pre-prep that would have been great for a more nervous or shy child, or a more boisterous child that needed extra motivation/attention.

I'm in the fortunate position of being able to make a genuine choice about state or private. I made that choice for Infant/pre-prep level: state. I haven't regretted it. I'll re-visit the choice at prep level. And will also take into account how my other child is getting on.

And the head-teacher of your local school may leave: equally a small local prep may close down. Or a change of head-teacher there could have an adverse effect. There are no certainties, or hard-and-fast rules, which I get the impression your are looking for!

But a school, in my experience, has a certain 'feel': the quickest way to identify that is meeting the head-teacher. But I also think that character lasts: it is embedded in the pupils, staff and parents.

Aspiration exists in private schools by their nature: people are paying to be there to achieve something that they think isn't available to them elsewhere. It doesn't always translate into a successful career or happy adulthood for the pupils.

With support from home and an OK school, an able child can 'achieve'. However you define that.

I think you're wrong, yes. But I fear you would never be able to get over your prejudices and your quite obvious worry that state school is "second best". What if your views, consiously or subconsiously, rubbed off on your DCs? Then they would never be able to thrive.

And why do you think that a state school head is more likely to leave than a head of a private school?

I agree with other posters - you need to visit the schools. Surely that's what any sensible parent would do when trying to choose a school for their child, with or without the "state or private" issue.

So in a nutshell, your issue is not about the quality of the education, but the social class of the children your children will have to mix with. Well, no one can reassure you about that. There is plenty of evidence that it is the child's own home environment that makes a difference to their aspirations and achievements. But you want to be told to move to to an area where your children will be able to attend a more middle class school then fine. But be honest about your snobbery.

Well, you clearly don't think state schools are as good as you are "braving" them.

It's a bit odd how the only way you could afford private education for all your children is by marrying someone else who could earn enough. I'm not sure if marrying a high wage earner is the type of aspiration I would want for my own children.....

oh just keep them in their posh school FFS.

Lockets, I applaud your last sentiment - it's how I feel too.

However, you have also lodged the T'pau song firmly in my head (not necessarily a bad thing.....).

i don't think generally there is a lack of aspirations in state schools...I really don't.

I do think that children achieve, in general what is expected of them by their parents, especially long term, career wise. (I am grossly generalising here, people!)

Some sate schools are better than others, as you know. I cant' tell you whether to move house so you can send your children to different schools, only you and your DH can make that decision (havent' senn you hous/area/local school, or propective house/area/local school)

I would say "brave" the local school at junior level, and if you can afford it fork out for private at senior level..

Hercules, I was thinking the very same thing: there are some rather distorted values amongst some of the parents as private schools I've been around!

KembleTwins - I don't think the state school head is more likely to leave than the head of a private school. If the private school head leaves, he won't be taking the acres af outside space, beautiful buildings and beautiful people with him.

LGP I don't think that I am a snob ( I am trying desperately hard not to be as it goes against my upbringing) and since you brought social class up, it is a sad fact that there is not as much aspiration among 'lower' social classes. But it does not mean that I 'look down' on or 'judge' such people because I have aspirations for my children and they may not.

Do you know what I mean? I am not saying that no one who sends their children to state schools have aspirations for them, just that there is likely to be more of those who don't than in the private sector.

"But what can you actually know about a school until you send your DC there and experience it first hand."

You do your research. You talk to lots and lots of parents with children at all the local schools, private and state. You talk to children who are at local schools. You read the prospectuses, web sites and Ofsted reports. You make an appointment with the heads to visit the schools. You look at subjects offered, examination results and destination universities. Etc etc etc.

Given all the social engineering that appears to be going on when it comes to university entrance it may be better to be in the state sector anyway if they are bright.