A teacher smacked my child

[Xmumof3xo]

I really need some advice I’m in the uk
My son is 7 he has a diagnosis on dyspraxia, he’s going for a ADHD and autism assessment..
So today I picked him up from school, he was quite upset, he has said his class teacher has smacked him on his hand twice, quite hard and it has really upset him, he was messing with some building cubes and the teacher became angry at him and did a “cross face”.
I have rang the school, I am really angry about this.
The school office said “I don’t see that happening”, I made it very clear as to why he would lie my son is a big believer in god and he doesn’t like lying, the head teacher came on the phone and said she’s going launch a investigation.
After everything that has happened with this school, the constant shouting at him, making him stand in the corridor door and the constant belittling I have no faith in them.
I have done a EHCP as the school has refused it 4 times, I have already changed his school as he’s constantly being bullied, he came home with horrific injuries in his old school and now the teachers are bullying him. Please help me, I am close to homeschooling him but he has made it clear he loves going to his friends and loves his routine, who else can I go to, I’m so scared of making his life harder at school but this can’t go on anymore, I am fuming, I’ve had so many meetings about the behaviour of his teachers, they say he’s “too sensitive”. Everything calmed down until today, but this time she has physically hurt my child and I ain’t letting it slip, he is not going school tomorrow until I am happy about the outcome of this “investigation”

Totally agree. Have worked with kids for 28 years and most will lie for all sorts of reasons.

The parents who claim their kids don't lie, almost always had a lying kid.

One swore her kids had been brought up "too well to lie".
Her DS was the biggest lier in the class.

Regardless of what has happened here, I do hope you are able to get some help for yourself and your little boy. My DD’s best friend in primary school was an absolutely compulsive liar - her mother would tell all in sundry that she would never ever lie, always told it like it is (multiple witnesses examples of where what she said simply wasn’t true). We all just used to inwardly roll our eyes and feel very sorry for the school who had to deal with it. We also had to deal with a child who went home from one of our holiday clubs saying a child had hit her, mother wrote to complain that we hadn’t seen it and dealt with it and child was distraught. The child that she complained about was not even on camp that day so thankfully that one was put to bed (turned out this child caused issues at school so her mother would constantly question her about him even after local holiday clubs and I suspect child, who was only 6 was just telling mummy what she thought she wanted her to say). The mum did accuse us of lying at first about the child being on camp though, I think such was her red mist about it all and her belief that her child would never lie. We wouldn’t accept her child back to camp after her mother was so rude and aggressive to staff about it but sadly schools don’t have that luxury.

A boy accused my son of kicking him in the face when they were at primary school. The parent understandably went berserk.

I was so confused. My son was a really good boy. I didn’t think he would do something like that.

Turned out that the two children had been sat on a PE bench next to each other. My son had leaned over to the side for a stretch and has he leaned to the right he lifted his opposite leg up, accidentally kicking the boy in the face. He apologised, and the boy seemed okay at the time. He didn’t even tell the teacher. But when he went home, he recounted the incident as he understood it and without context.

Sometimes it’s not a lie, but neither is it as straightforward as how it’s described. And this is why an investigation needs completing. If the teacher has hit a child, she will lose her job. If the school rushed through taking action without the appropriate investigation, then they could ruin somebody’s life and end up with a huge legal problem on their hands. They have said they will investigate so allow them to do that.

Just as an aside, I am Roman Catholic and I’ve never heard that a lie is the key to the devil‘s door. That’s some extreme religion right there. I am not sure that I would want to be sending my child to a school that teaches this sort of rubbish anyway.

Stay calm and wait to find out more information. It is very very unlikely the teacher hit your child. Not impossible but very very unlikely as obviously a teacher would be sacked for this.
also ALL people - kids and adults- lie at some point. It’s ridiculous to suggest anyone ‘can’t lie’ especially a 7 year old.

I wish I had your faith in the system. I too have seen with my own eyes, children mistreated in the classroom and I’ve also seen Head mistresses brush this under this carpet and accuse me as an adult of lying

Parents like this are the reason I couldn’t be a teacher.

I’m aware of your posting history. You have had extensive social services involvement with your children @Xmumof3xo . Raise this latest issue with them.

why would a TA be mandatory? It’s great if you get one but schools have tight budgets. At my school we share TAs and if teachers are off I’ll you lose them so the TA can cover the class.

As one who has been in a similar situation I strongly recommend finding a good special school. You will need both the ASD diagnosis (as an ASD specialist school will be best) and EHCP (I don't know why people are querying your EHCP path).

Bad as it is that your child was slapped I would advise you not to waste time and energy pursuing it. Just focus on getting your child into a good special school. My son left his disastrous mainstream primary in year 5. He's 18 now. He and his other friends from special school have done so well from being in the right specialist environment.

Omg - my 3 year old is constantly getting upset and telling me "you hit me mummy" when i've touched his hand or he's bumped into me. It's not even vaguely real - its just him reacting to the fact that I'm really strict about him hitting his little sister (he also tells her off using my words e.g. "absolutely not" and "I'm going to take it away if you keep banging"). The world is so malleable to small children and the line between reality and imagination is so thin that its clear in that moment he really believes it - so for the moment I just say sorry and kiss him better. I don't have a 7 year old but from memory of my younger siblings (and frankly the regularity that even adults "misremember" things) the idea that a 7 year old never lies is preposterous - they have a much better grasp of truth than a 3 year old (but then you are saying your child is developmentally delayed I think?) but will still constantly seeing the world through a very specific lens.

I’m not saying he’s lying, but just because it’s a catholic school it doesn’t mean there won’t be any lies ever.

Source: I went to catholic school, so did DD. It’s like any other school but with hell always hovering above your head.

Lying is a normal and important part of a child’s development, regardless of their faith or whether they have developmental delays. Research in developmental psychology consistently shows that lying is a normative behaviour in young children and is closely linked to key cognitive skills like theory of mind and executive function. Large-scale studies across thousands of children have found that the ability to lie actually develops alongside a child’s understanding of others and their capacity for self-control. In fact, the majority of preschool-aged children will lie when given the opportunity, and this behaviour becomes more sophisticated as they grow.

For your child’s sake, it’s important to understand that this isn’t simply “bad behaviour,” but part of typical development.

Yes, exactly this! As the mother of an AuADHD child I would say that my child doesn't lie as such, but his perception can be completely different to everyone else's. We had issues with him saying his father was hurting him. He wasn't, but my sons perception and sensitivity was very different.

There's a different between 'their truth' as in your child's, and the 'real truth'. Not saying he's lying as such, it's likely not that black and white. But whatever happened has probably been changed in his mind to something different to what actually happened. I can't imagine a teacher hit, but maybe the teacher became frustrated with his behaviour. They are humans overworked at the end of the day. Good the school is investigating but looks like you're best to move his school or look for a better option or else you'll forever be in a battle with that school.

"A key to the devil's door"
What a load of shite. And you accept its ok to teach a child this?

I can't believe a child has come out of school saying a teacher hit him and the number of people on this thread saying he's probably lying.

WTF?

This is a 7 year old, who nobody on this thread has even met or knows anything about.

It clearly needs to be investigated and taken seriously if ANY child comes out of school upset and saying a teacher has hit them.

‘A lie is a key to the devils door’… wtf!!!!

I’d move my child for this comment alone @Xmumof3xo Disgusting.

A 7 year old's concept of what hitting means is much more robust than a 3 year old's! What a daft comparison.

I'm not saying he is or isn't misinterpreting what happened, but you can't compare a 7 year old to a 3 year old.

A few things. I do absolutely think undiagnosed (or even diagnosed) SEN leads to schools mistreating 'difficult' SEN children. Happens all the time. Their SEN needs are unmet and their behaviour is then interpreted as naughtiness rather than an unmet need. Has happened to my child.

And yes, schools do massively push back on EHCP applications. They don't want to do them because it is a LOT of work and once a child has one, the school has to provide the first 6K of provision themselves before they get any additional funding.

I think that you probably need to insist on this incident being investigated. The teacher should be suspended from now. It is an allegation of abuse. A statement needs to be taken from the other child who says they witnessed it. However, HOW did you come to know that this child saw the incident? You need to be very very careful you're not accused of manipulating this witness account.

However, the main thing I would take from this is that although your child underwent this, he is happy overall. If he were suffering badly at school, he would not want to go.

I speak about these things from personal experience.

This is career ending for the teacher. You need to follow the s hooks official complaints procedure and contact the local safeguarding lead.
As an aside, I am Catholic, have taught in two different Catholic schools, educated in Catholic schools including one run by nuns and my own dc attended two different Catholic schools. I have never heard such rot as “key to the devils door”. I wouldn’t send my dc to a school that actively taught that.

Generally 4year-old do "lie". Their brain cant tell what is true and what is their strong fantasy, like they want to do something so badly /like climb a really long ladder and rescue someone from the roof like firefighters do/ that they truly believe in their little 4yo mind that it is true.

OP I promise if you strut around with this attitude all guns blazing because you categorically believe everything that a 7 year old tells you then don't expect anyone especially other parents to engage with you in any meaningful way. Most are just too busy trying to keep their own children happy to be managing such batshittery and will keep a wide birth. If you're this against schools and this adament that your ds can do no wrong and the world is against him then maybe educate him yourself?

I believe him and you op 💐

Your poor wee boy

It sounds as though this teacher has a big problem with your little boy.

And yes, some teachers are vindictive bullying abusive cunts.

When a person becomes a teacher they are not given halos of goodness, becoming saints or angels, they are given a paper certificate. Some as with all walks of life are not good people.

If you do end up homeschooling, there are plenty of groups and networks, especially in London. Many meet up more than once a week and the parents tend to be more aware of special needs requirements, as many of their children are like your son. Children that have been bullied/abused by teachers or pupils when they were in school, children with extra needs, children who dont fit the rigid school system for what ever reason.

Listen to your gut brain, you know your son the best.

Good luck op for your son and you.

I remember being confronted in a car park at nursery by a angry bloke about how my son had made his daughter cry. I apologised and made my 3 year old apologise and went to speak to staff absolutely mortified

His daughter was crying because she had been told off for misbehaving and not being allowed a second pudding and my son had had no involvement at all

Sometimes kids lie