A teacher smacked my child

[Xmumof3xo]

I really need some advice I’m in the uk
My son is 7 he has a diagnosis on dyspraxia, he’s going for a ADHD and autism assessment..
So today I picked him up from school, he was quite upset, he has said his class teacher has smacked him on his hand twice, quite hard and it has really upset him, he was messing with some building cubes and the teacher became angry at him and did a “cross face”.
I have rang the school, I am really angry about this.
The school office said “I don’t see that happening”, I made it very clear as to why he would lie my son is a big believer in god and he doesn’t like lying, the head teacher came on the phone and said she’s going launch a investigation.
After everything that has happened with this school, the constant shouting at him, making him stand in the corridor door and the constant belittling I have no faith in them.
I have done a EHCP as the school has refused it 4 times, I have already changed his school as he’s constantly being bullied, he came home with horrific injuries in his old school and now the teachers are bullying him. Please help me, I am close to homeschooling him but he has made it clear he loves going to his friends and loves his routine, who else can I go to, I’m so scared of making his life harder at school but this can’t go on anymore, I am fuming, I’ve had so many meetings about the behaviour of his teachers, they say he’s “too sensitive”. Everything calmed down until today, but this time she has physically hurt my child and I ain’t letting it slip, he is not going school tomorrow until I am happy about the outcome of this “investigation”

You have done the right thing in reporting this and now you have to be patient and let the school investigate.

I would try to move away from this idea of lying v. telling the truth. Your DS most likely absolutely believes he is telling the truth, but his perception of it may be skewed, particularly when high emotions exist. My DS(7) was telling a story this morning and he was wrong about a key aspect of it. He was really upset that his sister contradicted him. I don't believe he was lying, but misremembering what happened.

I would urge you to stay calm about this. I know that is difficult when you think someone has hurt your son. However there is a risk of you causing more harm to your DS if you react quickly e.g. pulling him out of school, if the situation was not how he perceived it. I would engage with the school's investigation and take things from there. You do need to prepare for the school coming back with a different version and reflect on how you will deal with that. Presumably he will have a new teacher in Sept.

@purpleheartsandroses

Yep. Happened to me. Brushed past a child with AuADHD. “You grabbed me”. Statements were made immediately and I was told to go home there and then because the school have a legal duty to report to the LADO. I was off work for a couple of weeks, made even worse because I was on supply. LADO cleared me immediately and I was lucky enough for this to also be captured on CCTV. All clear. Was horrendous but becoming incredibly common.

I remember my own 5 year old telling me his teacher kicked him. It was completely untrue. I’ve also worked in a lot of Catholic schools, there’s no way they would tell a child a lie is the key to the devil. There’s something severely nefarious about this thread. Very off.

Disgusting treatment all round now of teachers. Thank god I’m never going back.

People stating that this definitely isn't something that could have happened are both wrong and dangerous.

It can and does happen.

However, it is far more common that children say that it has happened and it is not true. Especially with children with Autism. They will often say "he hit me" when that certainly did not happen. Not because they are liars but because their proprioception is all over the place.

OP. Give time for the investigation and listen to the people feeding back about it. If you still feel uncomfortable after, escalate to the chair of governors and the LADO.

What alot of people here are not understanding is that this child has ASD and those with this neurological disorder do not lie. They simply tell things as they see them.
I do believe he is telling the truth. I would be looking into another school for him, one that specifically specialises in kids with SEN that has a great reputation. I'm sure with your son's diagnosis, even if the school is a little far away, the government funding would cover the cost of taxis to and from school to facilitate this.
Good luck OP.

he won’t lie as it’s a catholic school, they have said a lie equals a key to the devils door

Well there is a big lie there is no devil s door ....
What do you believe op ?
I would remove him for them pushing these beliefs on 7 year olds

Clearly yiur ds needs are not being met. Look for another school
But your ds may be misinterpreting

Just because your child made an allegation against a teacher doesn't mean it's true. Keep trying to ruin this woman's life though, I'm sure it'll bring you the peace you think it will.

I actually got smacked on the arse in year 6 by an older female teacher once and I forgot all about it the next day.

If he is purporting to be the victim in multiple schools have you considered why that might be? Could he be provoking other students?

If the school aren’t meeting his needs you need a rethink. Some schools do their best to avoid the paperwork of an ehcp and I know parents who have applied themselves for this reason. I was many years ago hit by a teacher. So yes it can happen. But his version may be very different to what actually happened. One piece e of advice as a Sen parent is I learnt not to to react straight away. Always sleep on a new situation and only contact the school by email that way you have a paper trail to look back on. Reach out to Sen charities in your area for support.

Of course not.

That's exactly why the Sacrament of Reconciliation exists - so people can tell the Priest how perfect they are every week and be told that they're perfect in return.

@BurnoutBee in situations like yours, schools should after the investigation be able to end the pupils place at the school, how would anyone want to teach that child or have to engage with the parents after such allegations

Why do you think multiple teaches repeatedly bully and abuse your son?

this is like munchausens by proxy isn’t it

the number of mumsnet posters who think their child never lies to them!

Yep.

The teacher might have placed her hand over his hand to stop him playing with cubes while she was talking. Your ds might not have liked the feeling of this and interpreted it as smacking.
That's more likely than her smacking him hard twice and chucking her career away

As there won't be cameras in the classroom, there will be no proof that the teacher hit your child. I assume the Head will therefore exonerate the teacher. What will you do then @Xmumof3xo

Sorry, but this is nonsense. Children with autism can and do lie for much the same reasons that NT children lie. Lying is a developmental milestone that almost all children reach.

Yes he most likely is telling things as he sees them. That doesn't mean the way he sees them is necessarily 100% correct.

As for the 2nd part of your post, sadly it's usually not as simple as having a diagnosis meaning you can get a place in a special needs school plus taxi. There's a big shortage of places.

My kids never lie . No . But why do we have confession boxes? Strange that .

Wouldn't it be much worse to assume a child is lying about this and it turns out they are not?

I would certainly rather listen and take action than ignore a very upset child telling me an adult hit them because it seems unlikely.

@PoppinjayPolly

No idea what happened to be honest but the LADO came down on that school like a tonne of bricks stating they showed a complete lack of care/duty towards myself as a supply member of staff. I was put in a very vulnerable situation with a young person and not even told the extent of his needs etc. I was expecting the worst tbh as a supply, but the LADO was very thorough and sensible, thank god.

Yes, you are correct, a milestone that "almost all children reach". In my experience those at this age with ASD do not lie. I'm not saying that none have, but certainly in my experience none have.

Have you felt any fury at your son's behaviour? Just asking....
Have you felt any embarrassment about the fact that your son can't behave? Just asking...

Is your son's name William Tell?

Who would be a teacher today!

Some people with ASD are absolutely capable of lying.

Not saying OP’s child is lying - I think the most likely scenario is that the teacher touched his hand in some way and he’s interpreted it as a smack, but I wasn’t there and don’t know - but it’s not helpful to perpetuate stereotypes like this.

What would you have done if your child was upset and told you this? Leave it and then let your child think he/she is alone? Or raise concerns?
what is a little girl witnessed what had happened? What then eh?

Wild!!

Absolutely not, it might be their truth coming in from something else, but they absolutely can and do lie.

And everybody dreams. You ever woken up sure something happened but know it didn't? You think about it, and your brain will find a way to make it 'your' truth.

FYI, everybody is capable of lying. No one is immune to that. Btw, that dress looks great on you. And yes, dinner was lovely.