School wants my 10-year-old in nappies due to bowel issues

[CoffeeMama22]

My DD has been struggling with her bowels all her life, fully potty trained dry night and day. She is 10.
recently she has been off school due to a bowel obstruction. Awaiting surgical removal etc. due to over flow, pain etc she has been unable to attend school.

school has stated that I need to put my daughter in nappies, their words not mine!

shes 10 and never had any issues before.
im so angry right now, and really thinking about home schooling.

I have asked for medical reports from consultants etc, but for a 10 year old surely this would be embarrassing and backwards learning. I have personally asked my daughter and she has said no, but the school have said it’s effecting her education way too much. FYI I have been doing a lot of home Ed because the school haven’t sent her any school work yet.

Honestly, at this point I would have some sort of stock response to school over every email or phone call they sent. Something like, you are welcome to speak to her doctors but I have given you everything you need, the suggestion from the doctors is that nappies are a no and you shouldn’t even be asking. And repeat
let them report you to SS, they’re not going to take your child off you nor are you going to get a fine for attendance.
I would also be tempted to go as far as a light mention of harassment by the school and should they continue you will have to look at taking it further.
then I wouldn’t give it a second thought (and I’m a worrier)

Some suggestions how the father can take some of this mental load-

1. Communicate to the school about the impact of their utterly ridiculous suggestion of his DD wearing nappies and well as chase up any work DD can complete at home. Show that he too is disgusted at the school suggestion (if he is!).
2. Communicate with SS about the refferal made by the school.
3. Communicate with the doctors about the impact of the surgery on DDs biopsy and explore their suggestions re: education as other children will have been thorough this as well.
4. Contact any charities that can provide support and guidance.
5. Write a complaint letter to the school governors. MP and Ofsted.
6. Do some home schooling with DD when she feels up to it using work books etc (which he has ordered).

Everything that the OP is doing and requesting guidance about so she can share this responsibility. He wouldn't be 'helping' just doing what would be expected of a father.

But can you see how saying that schools must provide work for absent students increases absence? It shouldn't be the responsibility of the school. There's so much free stuff online for parents to access should they need. Oak academy for a start.

Your son is doing OK because of the tutors, if they weren't there, would he still be learning?

School says being off school is affecting her education.....Wear bloody nappies at school will definitely affect her mental health, health dominates everything. Poor girl, how demoralising for her. The school should be sending work home and supporting her, saying come back into school when she is fit enough after her operation. Your dd I'd going through enough, without the pressure of an unsupportive school. I hope all goes well and your dd is soon back to full health
💐

How do you want it handled if she goes back to school? How do you handle it at home?

Go and see your MP. No one is listening to you....l am more disgusted the more l read...

Lots of good advice already.
Not sure name in England, but she needs a health care plan, assuming she's well enough for school.

Could try school nurse, eric charity.

Maybe social services involved won't be a bad thing. People always seem to think it's due to neglect. My friend's dd has a social worker for other reasons.

Hi @CoffeeMama22
I'm an attendance lead.
Google Outreach for Absentee Pupils. There is guidance for schools on how to support families of children who cannot attend school for medical reasons.

There is some statutory reporting that schools must do for absentee students. One of these is a MASH report, it isn’t anything to be worried about, and it could open other avenues of support and early help from your local authority.

When we have students on long term sick, we do regular home visits. We have a duty of care to our students to ensure they are safeguarded.

It does not sound like your child’s school is supportive or communicating well.

I wish you and your child all the best.

Your DD should be referred to hospital school
It's tutors who come to your house
Get on to the head and lea and get some tutors bringing work for her

As a pp said, tell the HT you will refer to a solicitor- for bullying and harassment.

Definitely don't do it.
I would though try to move schools. I wouldn't want my child to attend such an unsupportive school. I would worry about both her physical and mental health

Horrible situation for all concerned OP, but surely you cannot expect teachers to deal with cleaning up and caring for your daughter's needs? As a former teacher I would say that it is not part of the job (as it should not be for the many primary school kids who start school in nappies these days), and it would need yourself or another carer to be present to take care of these issues.

Reading comprehension is not your strong suit , is it?

Teacher here!
Honestly? Some schools act like this because the want you to remover her. Her attendance affects their attendance scores and her missing school may impact on her academic results next year when she does SATS. My school isn't like this but my son's is.
They are currently denying he has SEN and refusing to offer support all the while reporting that he is at expected in all areas. This is the top achieving school on the city.
Don't remove her if he is/was happy. Push for them to give her work. Don't worry about social services or CIN, indeed welcome these and show you have nothing to hide.

I hope your daughter feels better soon x

I'm guessing that this is an Academy. They sometimes become so fixated on their attendance figures that they lose all reason. In the first instance I would complain to the H/T, ccing the CEO.But I would be prepared to escalate to the LA Safeguarding dept (LADO).

For info, the school cannot designate a pupil 'a child in need', it isn't within their remit. They can refer to SS who may well ring you to ascertain the facts, and as soon as they hear that DD is undergoing NHS treatment, they will wish you both well and go NFA.

You could ask your local SENDIASS for support in communication with the school and out-of-school education for DD.

I would just keep the school updated with where the treatment is going, keep asking, by email, for work for DD to do at home and if they do manage to send her some, return it for marking. Keep on top of the paper trail.

After the operation, when she is almost ready to return to school, I would consider asking the LA to find her another school place, citing breakdown of the home/school relationship. Your email trail will support your request.

I do hope that she feels better soon.

Haven’t RTFT but have read your posts. You probably need help and support so here is my advice, having had a similar experience.

1. school are being outrageous re nappies. Stand your ground, and ask for a referral to the inclusion team. If your child cannot attend school for 15 days they should make this referral.

2.Refer yourself to social services. You have nothing to hide, and absolutely everything to gain. My dd has a social worker for complex disabilities. She is therefore technically child in need. The social worker coordinates school, advocates for her in terms of what she needs. The inclusion team provide my daughter with home tutoring whilst she is too unwell to go in so she is up to date (ish) with schoolwork. You may also have a hospital school local to you that your daughter could attend on a very part time basis. The inclusion team are there to help you-their focus is on making sure every child has access to education. You do not have to apply for them; it should all come from school. You should not have to wait for their service either, unlike EOTAS etc. They should work with you and school to work out what your child needs.

Back to social care, we have child in need meetings where the social worker tells health to sort themselves out, and tells school they need to do more. It is so helpful for us and dd.

As a family we have never had our parenting questioned, the safety of the children hasn’t been taken into account, my other children are not open to social care. The reports are incredibly supportive of us, and say we’re doing a great job.

So, please don’t be afraid of social care, they should help you in this time of need. They will also, almost certainly completely agree that your child should not be put into nappies, and will tell school to back off, as well as be able to liaise with health if necessary.

Finally - the school do have a responsibility to ensure your child is seen, but it sounds like they are disorganised and this has been handled badly. It may help if you proactively ask how often your child needs to be seen to avoid this, but again, if you get yourself under inclusion team, hopefully this can be avoided.

Best of luck

The school should have a policy on how to act when a child can’t attend school for medical reasons. It should be on their website or ask for a copy.

No it’s not. I think you will find that accusing someone of lying on their own thread constitutes troll hunting.

You might wish to acquaint yourself with the rules of MN. HTH

@CoffeeMama22 my 12yo has bowel issues. Sending ❤️

This. Get onto the LA, ignore school, if they say they need medical evidence that's untrue, they must consider ALL evidence. if they say it's school's responsibility that's also untrue. If no joy there is legal action you can take.

OP if you have the finances, I'd look at engaging a solicitor (one specialising in dealing with educational settings and children with medical issues) and get them to write to the school (and its Governors) putting down how unreasonable they are acting, harassment, threatening you with referrals to social services etc, and causing you and your child unnecessary stress etc.

You can ask for an assessment from a private social worker.

I would seriously consider doing this so that you have a professional report from someone that I imagine (from what you've said) that there are no safeguarding concerns and that you're putting your daughter's needs first.

That would take the wind out of the school's sails. They are trying to threaten you with no real evidence. It's just bullying.

By law, the LA has to ensure that your child has a suitable education if they are off for more than 15 sessions due to medical needs. I would hire a private social worker and seek their opinion/support regarding contacting the LA.

In my experience, you're better off removing your child from schools like this. However, if your daughter is in year 6 then it might not be worth the hassle.

I wouldn’t deregister and EHE. Instead, request provision under section 19 of the Education Act 1996. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can adapt. Attending in nappies is not appropriate for DD’s needs. Also consider requesting an EHCNA. IPSEA has a model letter for this too.

Check what the school is recording the absences as. I know you said they are authorised, and they should be, but sometimes schools don’t even when they should be. Check the LA has submitted a sickness return too. They should have.

It does sound like DD may meet the definition of a child in need as set out in section 17 of the Children Act 1989. So I would accept the referral to children’s services.

I would go above the school with my complaint and i would be going nuclear , the treatment of your child is outrageous and i don't understand how the school can't see that.
Have you kept details of every call , letter etc ?
I think i would also see a solicitor ,schools behaviour could be deemed as threatening.
I despair with such behaviour from schools and the education plebs in government who pressure the schools into behaving so appallingly.
I hope you get things sorted out for your daughter .

It's a known method of bullying and instilling instant fear into any parent. Institutions like schools and healthcare services do it a lot - any time you disagree or express an alternative opinion it's "if you don't do as i say, i'll report you to social services." It doesn't matter that social services eventually find that there's no case to answer - it's an invasive, offensive, stressful process that just further erodes any form of relationship between the organisation and the OP.