School wants my 10-year-old in nappies due to bowel issues

[CoffeeMama22]

My DD has been struggling with her bowels all her life, fully potty trained dry night and day. She is 10.
recently she has been off school due to a bowel obstruction. Awaiting surgical removal etc. due to over flow, pain etc she has been unable to attend school.

school has stated that I need to put my daughter in nappies, their words not mine!

shes 10 and never had any issues before.
im so angry right now, and really thinking about home schooling.

I have asked for medical reports from consultants etc, but for a 10 year old surely this would be embarrassing and backwards learning. I have personally asked my daughter and she has said no, but the school have said it’s effecting her education way too much. FYI I have been doing a lot of home Ed because the school haven’t sent her any school work yet.

Let them send social services to you. They might be able to help back up your situation. They will see how poorly your girl is.

A bowel obstruction at 10 what has she eaten?

She has a medical condition. It has nothing to do with what she has had to eat.

Provision should be provided once it becomes clear 15 days will be missed, not 10. The days don’t need to have already been missed or consecutive, and provision should begin by the sixth day of absence. It isn’t ultimately the parent’s responsibility to provide education for those unable to attend school because of their medical needs.

Absolutely ludicrous to suggest this! I'm so angry on your behalf. That would be detrimental to her mental health never mind physically. Also who is going to change the nappies? Herself? Where would they be disposed. Get on to the school board and go legal route if required.

I am glad you are getting some good advice, it’s outrageous to suggest this, stand your ground. Apart from all obvious concerns she could also get an infection, its not a hygienic solution for a girl of that age.
Feel for you both, as if you haven’t got enough going on!

I am so sorry this is happening to you and your daughter. I have a similar issue with my son who’s soiling frequently. The school have done nothing but stressed me out. Unfortunately, social services got involved. My children have been in foster care since December. They are now running psychological tests on my son to see if I caused his chronic constipation with overflow soiling, Which incidentally is diagnosed. Please be careful. These people love removing children from loving and doting parents and the school will align and hold hands with the local authority and throw parents under the bus. I’m being accused of FII. It is a horrific journey and a very downward spiral that they put you on. I just want to get my children back. They have taken me to court. We’re now going through that motion, which Even more stressful than you can imagine Possible. I just hope you get the medical evidence that you need. I’m praying for you.

Forgot to say, they put my seven-year-old son in nappies whilst in Foster care. And there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. It’s absolutely vile and disgusting.

This is a particularly egregious example of a growing culture, unfortunately, in which schools, rather than supporting families facing difficulties and fulfilling their duty of care to children, are actively making life unbearable for parents who are already struggling with their child’s needs. They are making education inaccessible for your daughter, and they are blaming you for her illness. It’s unconscionable and I’m so angry for you. I would write to my MP, personally, but it would be understandable if you chose to de register and home educate her rather than take on another fight when you’re already dealing with so much. It shouldn’t be like this 😞

Welfare checks are perfectly normal for a child who has had extended absence from school, it's a safeguarding procedure. If the school don't have eyes on at least once a week, if anything goes wrong they put themselves at risk of serious scrutiny of not performing due diligence.

In addition, there is no obligation for the school to provide work while your daughter is off school. If they don't feel the absence is genuine (despite what parents say or any evidence produced) they won't want to be seen to condone absence which is what they would be doing if they sent work home. And even if they feel the absence is justified there is still no obligation.

Having said that, you need to be proactive. If you're not happy with how they're handling you're daughters case, in the first instance you need to write to the headteacher to set out your grievances. Be factual and avoid being emotional. State your disappointment in how the situation has been handled and demand a meeting to discuss what to do going forward.

Typically, the head teacher should respond within 14 days. If they don't or you're not happy with the response, escalate to governors of the school.

I would also be completing a detailed daily to diary of your contact with school (or lack of) just to back yourself up if you find yourself explaining yourself to the authorities on what has played out.

Good luck.

Call LEA ask to soeak to the officer dealing with children missing school due to medical issues.
See if hospital school as day pupil might be an option?

You haven't bothered to read OP's posts, have you?

Please ensure every contact to the school is in writing. If they phone you, email them afterwards to confirm what they said and what you said so it is documented.

I’m so sorry they are adding so much stress to an already stressful situation.

I would say no. I would refer myself to ss and ask their help to prevent school harming my child with their demands and intractable behaviours. Good luck look after your precious child. This would never ever stand up in school, they are breaking the equality act by treating her different to other pupils.

Tell them you're seeking legal advice about their treatment of your very ill, possibly disabled, child who is in and out of hospital awaiting a formal diagnosis.

Bang out of order response. Do better.

Are you really suggesting that this child is missing school because the parent casually thinks of school as optional? 🤯

The issue here is what you are eating: which appears to be your foot, in your mouth.

The problem is not a lack of information from the OP, it’s a lack of reading comprehension from you.

My dd had encopresis and wasn’t able to control her bowels fully until she was around 12. You’ll get through this stage although im sure as hell you’re tired of hearing it. The schools can’t control nits let alone bowel issues. There’s lots of support available which I’m sure you’ve discovered already. Your poor daughter I have no words of advice for the school other than to tell them to fuck right off quite frankly.

You can say that their request is unreasonable as it goes against the medical advice you received and that you would like to have a formal meeting to discuss how school can actually provide reasonable adjustments for your daughter. I would go hard and say that you would flag the matter to ofsted as it’s out of order for a school to impose a parent to put their 10 year old in nappies as they’re not prepared to provide other reasonable adjustments.

I would request a meeting with governers armed with all medical advise from her medical team and reference back to the relevenat support teams /sites the medical profession recommend for support also read through goverment guidelines and be armed with the facts

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5ce6a72e40f0b620a103bd53/supporting-pupils-at-school-with-medical-conditions.pdf

Stress the worry and concer it has brought on you and your family. The lack of support and lack of homelearning sent to ensure you cam support her in keeping up her studies

Good luck know you are supporting your child in the best way her health is important. Not saying school isnt because it is but without health ypu cant learn

Ask about robots. My school has a little robot (provided by the council) for students who cannot be in school. It is a little desktop thing with a camera that sits in the classroom and the student can see and speak through it from home.

Is that because your daughter is soiling herself at school?

Great advice on here OP do not let them get away with this, also you could tell them you’ll go to the press if it continues and if they don’t support you as they should. I wouldn’t move schools neither once your daughter is better, keep complaining to governors and your MP until they sack the useless HT why should your child be disrupted further by moving schools when they are to blame.