School wants my 10-year-old in nappies due to bowel issues

CoffeeMama22 · 2026-03-14T00:32:12+00:00

My DD has been struggling with her bowels all her life, fully potty trained dry night and day. She is 10. recently she has been off school due to a bowel obstruction. Awaiting surgical removal etc. due to over flow, pain etc she has been unable to attend school. school has stated that I need to put my daughter in nappies, their words not mine! shes 10 and never had any issues before. im so angry right now, and really thinking about home schooling. I have asked for medical reports from consultants etc, but for a 10 year old surely this would be embarrassing and backwards learning. I have personally asked my daughter and she has said no, but the school have said it’s effecting her education way too much. FYI I have been doing a lot of home Ed because the school haven’t sent her any school work yet.

Wasywasydoodah · 14/03/2026 00:34

No way! Nappies won’t stop the pain, smell and embarrassment. How awful for her. Stand your ground

Enko · 14/03/2026 00:37

I would ask the school to back up with medical evidence how this willl aid your dds recovery, sickness and emotional well-being. They wont be able to

Like other poster I am on absolutely no way. The school will have to come up with better support for her medical issue.

JaneBoleyn · 14/03/2026 00:38

Oh, OP, your poor daughter!

I think they are overstepping in an outrageous manner.

seven201 · 14/03/2026 00:40

I have a nearly 10 year old DD. There is no way I’d say yes to that. Imagine asking that of an adult working there - they just wouldn’t.

InLoveWithAI · 14/03/2026 00:40

I agree with the other posters that this is not reasonable at all.

Children with medical issues should be exempt from ridiculous attendance rules.

I am so sorry she is going through this. Poor thing.

herbalteabag · 14/03/2026 01:08

Definitely not! They need to send the work home and support her learning at home until she can attend again.

Kirbert2 · 14/03/2026 01:11

Is there a reason why they are waiting for surgery? Are they hoping it resolves by itself? My son has had several bowel obstructions and it always resulted in swift surgery so hopefully it won't be much longer for your daughter.

It is unacceptable of school to want her in nappies simply so she can be in school. It sounds like she is far too unwell to attend school right now anyway.

My son does have to wear pads as his bowel doesn't work correctly but there is no choice, to expect it of a child who isn't bowel incontinent and is just waiting for surgery is an awful suggestion by the school. Your poor daughter, I hope she's feeling much better soon.

Original poster

CoffeeMama22 · 14/03/2026 02:35

Just to add, because I’m waiting for them to come up with another solution rather than nappies basically. I have refused part time timetable completely until they can prove or come up with another support plan.. I attended a meeting the day my daughter was rushed into hospital via ambulance, I had to attend the meeting otherwise was reported to social S.
I attended with all evidence in hand, I requested other forms of intergration back to school… haven’t heard from them… 2 days later I had all 7 emergency contacts called asking for my daughters location and a house visit by teacher, all after 2pm last call was made after school hours.

is this a witch hunt? Or should I deeply be concerned

OP posts:

Original poster

CoffeeMama22 · 14/03/2026 02:36

Kirbert2 · 14/03/2026 01:11

Is there a reason why they are waiting for surgery? Are they hoping it resolves by itself? My son has had several bowel obstructions and it always resulted in swift surgery so hopefully it won't be much longer for your daughter.

It is unacceptable of school to want her in nappies simply so she can be in school. It sounds like she is far too unwell to attend school right now anyway.

My son does have to wear pads as his bowel doesn't work correctly but there is no choice, to expect it of a child who isn't bowel incontinent and is just waiting for surgery is an awful suggestion by the school. Your poor daughter, I hope she's feeling much better soon.

They believe she has some disease it’s too late for me to spell it. So they want to do a few biopsies to confirm before removing the blockage.

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TheTattooedLady · 14/03/2026 02:38

Why would they refer you to social services for missing a meeting?

What was their reason for asking for your daughters location?

Original poster

CoffeeMama22 · 14/03/2026 02:50

TheTattooedLady · 14/03/2026 02:38

Why would they refer you to social services for missing a meeting?

What was their reason for asking for your daughters location?

Edited

They said it was extremely important and due to the lack of education provided within a school setting they would be requesting support by social services due to attendance (even though it’s medically backed and authorised) they used the term “child in need” I haven’t heard anything so doubt they had enough basis for this.

They said they needed an updated location, and wellness check if she was still poorly and unable to attend school (9am registration was authorised absent due to medical, 1.15pm registration was also authorised absent due to medical) so really unsure why they think it was a safeguarding concern when they are fully aware of what’s going on, also teacher who attended the home to see child present came alone (school policy states they must come in 2 and provide a letter of welfare check proof) neither happened. School fully aware operation isn’t until end of month so “poorly/illness” will still be present. @TheTattooedLady

OP posts:

Original poster

CoffeeMama22 · 14/03/2026 02:52

They believe she has some disease it’s too late for me to spell it. So they want to do a few biopsies to confirm before removing the blockage. Also on daily medication and enemas and bowel team support while we wait @Kirbert2

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Madreamigajefa2 · 14/03/2026 02:52

Please look up BBUK (Bowel and Bladder UK) which offers specific guidance to schools and families. On their information guides they specifically state that it is not acceptable for any education establishment to suggest containment products (like nappies) as a means to handle bowel or bladder incontinence, and further, the school should be working in a care plan with you.

School wants my 10-year-old in nappies due to bowel issues

TheTattooedLady · 14/03/2026 02:55

Child in need because of her attendance? That seems unusual.

Original poster

CoffeeMama22 · 14/03/2026 03:00

Madreamigajefa2 · 14/03/2026 02:52

Please look up BBUK (Bowel and Bladder UK) which offers specific guidance to schools and families. On their information guides they specifically state that it is not acceptable for any education establishment to suggest containment products (like nappies) as a means to handle bowel or bladder incontinence, and further, the school should be working in a care plan with you.

@Madreamigajefa2 Thank you I have used this previously with them with no avail. Even reports from bladder and bowel nurse stating the negatives was still not ok. They want a professional report from everyone.
I’ve requested all of this to back me up as security. Part of me is hoping social services will knock on the door so I can explain all of this.
consultant say they need to refer to the Eric website.

school want me to do all the research and chasing medical reports for them. It’s tiring. My daughter is currently up screaming now with explosive bowels due medication.

im at my wits end. I’m swaying to either;
different school (scared it will happen again)
elective home Ed while this all plays out and I know surgery results etc (scared they will deem her a child in need)

school has caused me so much stress and mental health decline. All over attendance, I’m chasing them for school work, for updates when she can return. Ignored for days on end, and clearly when I don’t respond or do something they like… bam welfare checks, it’s crazy.

OP posts:

smooththecat · 14/03/2026 03:29

What next? Wheeling kids in hospital beds into school?

Worriedmumma2025 · 14/03/2026 03:55

This is absolutely outrageous!
I would escalate via formal complaint to the school for the distress they are causing you/your daughter at a time of very high stress due to genuine illness, for which they already have plenty of evidence.

Have they outlined exactly what additional documentation they require? I would forward these requests onto her hospital team and flag you are in need of help as the school are performing ‘welfare checks’. If I was a consultant on her team I would have no issue in writing a letter to help out.

All of this nonsense over attendance. I’m so angry for you.

www.gov.uk/complain-about-school/state-schools

Lobesloope · 14/03/2026 04:09

Second time recently i've heard about schools hunting down very ill children re: attendance - totally outrageous, i'd go nuclear!

cannynotsay · 14/03/2026 04:12

I’d flip this and report them. This is outrageous.

HazelBite · 14/03/2026 04:15

This is outrageous, when you need all the support and help you are treated like this. If it continues with threats to involve SS I would be inclined to approach your local MP for help.I have found in the past that he/she can cut through all the box ticking exercises and actually be of help to you by reminding the school they are to provide your daughter with an education.

Noras · 14/03/2026 04:21

Can you apply for EOTIS status and get LEA to pay for tutoring . Do youhave an EHCP?

Onthemaintrunkline · 14/03/2026 04:24

I think this school’s behavior is outrageous. Mind you I’m not in the UK so maybe take my comment with a pinch of salt. They’ve come across as totally unsympathetic, unrealistic, grossly uncaring and quite the bully boy!

I hope your daughter has her surgery very soon and recovers well. After the interaction with this school, I’d be reluctant to see her return. If you have a choice, I’d be seriously considering a change. Best wishes.

Bedhead1234 · 14/03/2026 05:09

I think this would scar her mentally, and agree the school should be reported

Teachers can be really weird, I'm not sure I'd trust any teaching professionals who came out with a solution like this

Home Ed would let her recover in peace and in her own time

NormasArse · 14/03/2026 05:16

Like she’d be able to concentrate sitting in her own faeces. Absolutely ridiculous.

Meadowfinch · 14/03/2026 05:19

CoffeeMama22 · 14/03/2026 02:35

Just to add, because I’m waiting for them to come up with another solution rather than nappies basically. I have refused part time timetable completely until they can prove or come up with another support plan.. I attended a meeting the day my daughter was rushed into hospital via ambulance, I had to attend the meeting otherwise was reported to social S.
I attended with all evidence in hand, I requested other forms of intergration back to school… haven’t heard from them… 2 days later I had all 7 emergency contacts called asking for my daughters location and a house visit by teacher, all after 2pm last call was made after school hours.

is this a witch hunt? Or should I deeply be concerned

In my mind that amounts to harassment. I'd request a meeting with the HT and tell them that if it happens again, you will refer them to your solicitor.

You are dealing with an urgent medical issue. They should not be treating you like a criminal. I'd also complain to the board of governors and alert your MP to their bullying.