School wants my 10-year-old in nappies due to bowel issues

[CoffeeMama22]

My DD has been struggling with her bowels all her life, fully potty trained dry night and day. She is 10.
recently she has been off school due to a bowel obstruction. Awaiting surgical removal etc. due to over flow, pain etc she has been unable to attend school.

school has stated that I need to put my daughter in nappies, their words not mine!

shes 10 and never had any issues before.
im so angry right now, and really thinking about home schooling.

I have asked for medical reports from consultants etc, but for a 10 year old surely this would be embarrassing and backwards learning. I have personally asked my daughter and she has said no, but the school have said it’s effecting her education way too much. FYI I have been doing a lot of home Ed because the school haven’t sent her any school work yet.

I know the advice is always to engage with these people, but sometimes actually it is better to just step right back from them and just ignore them
If a social worker turns up on your doorstep, you can explain to somebody with an actual brain hopefully what’s going on?
And if God forbid it ends up in court, a judge will be well placed to deal with the lot of them

As a teacher I don't think you're telling us everything.
A child in need report is very serious and we can only make them if we seriously suspect some form of abuse.
There is too much risk to make false reports.

every disabled child is automatically classed as a child in need by law. Not all children in need are due to safeguarding issues. If you don't know this as a teacher that's rather worrying.

I would stop with all the constant responses to the school and if they report you to social services, then that will actually be helpful, because they might help liase.
Does she have an EHCP? I would think that the school might need this to be able to fund support staff to manage her health condition, and if they can't, then the LEA need to provide something she can access.
Telling you to put her in nappies is inappropriate.
I would make sure you have all communication by email from now on. Even phone calls need to be followed up by email confirming what was discussed on the phone.
Ask them to confirm via email that their suggestion to your daughter's bowel obstruction and hospital admission was to just put her in nappies and return to school, and that your daughter was not going to be wearing nappies and any continence aids would need to be discussed with her continence team, and that noone at the hospital has suggested that.

Not the same situation, but When I got threatened with court when my daughter had school based anxiety, I told them that if they could get all the relevant professionals in one place at the same time that would help find a better solution rather than constantly making the situation worse and me having to go round in circles with different people who don't seem to communicate, then I'd appreciate that opportunity.

Elective home ed.
School is not compulsory but education is
There is support available in books, Youtube, BBC Schools etc.
Out of courtesy just email the school and local authority that you will be home educating her for the foreseeable.
I hope your daughter has sucessful surgery very soon.

I just wanted to add as a hirschsprung’s patient, if that’s what suspected OP, please try not to worry. I was diagnosed late too (albeit age 3, as it usually found in the first week of life) and late diagnosis is linked to a mild version of the disease. I had all my surgery complete by age 5 and aside from being more prone to constipation and piles than the average Joe I’ve always had an 100 per cent normal life. The surgery works really well.

Do you think the nappies are going to help with the pain too? And feeling unwell? The explosive stools?
Because if they do, seriously, it’s a miracle cure that needs to share far agd wide.

Also, by experience with my own dc who ‘only’ had constipation with overflow, the school isn’t committing to anything there. When the na
py is soiled theyre going to exoect her to clean herself in the toilet abd get back to work. Theyre going to expect her to deal with comments about smells etc..l
I mean they did that with my 5~6yo at the time so There’s no way there’re not going to exiect it from a 10yo

If you really are a teacher please ask for urgent training. Your knowledge is severely lacking.

Yes, I agree! Child in need is for any child who might need extra support, including one with medical problems.

i believe that children with complex medical and / or disabilities automatically get this. It’s supposed to be viewed as helpful!

Yes, children with disabilities and complex medical needs often have an assigned disability social worker because there are so many professionals involved it helps to keep everything on track for that child and ensure all their needs are met.

I echo what others have said OP and that social care involvement might be a good thing and help with co-ordinating these meetings that need to happen and especially make plans your daughter’s transition to secondary. However, the school need to get your consent for a social care referral and it should be done from a place of helping the child rather than accusatory and threatening - your daughter’s school is seems to be doing the latter unfortunately.

@CoffeeMama22
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it sounds awful.
if call their bluff and phone social services myself and self refer in and say that school aren’t treating her with dignity.
I’d also contact the safeguarding governor
I hope it gets sorted soon.

Ah, that makes sense.

My son had cancer and that is what caused his bowel issues which are now permanent so slightly different situation to be fair to OP.

Absolutely!

What is the legal definition of a child in need?
Under Section 17 Children Act 1989, a child will be considered in need if:

• they are unlikely to achieve or maintain or to have the opportunity to achieve or maintain a reasonable standard of health or development without provision of services from the local authority;
• their health or development is likely to be significantly impaired, or further impaired, without the provision of services from the local authority;
• they have a disability.

Disability includes blindness, hearing impairments, mental disorders and permanent illnesses, injuries or congenital deformities. Children in need may be:

• children with SEND;
• young carers (see our page on Young Carers);
• children who have committed a crime;
• children whose parents are in prison; or
• asylum seeking children.

I love your optimism!

Children with disabilities have to fight for level 3 support. There's just not enough EHK workers to go around.

I'd make sure a GP appointment was made to discuss so you can get a record that GP thinks this is insane. You may need back up if the school dig their heels in. The school may need a gentle reminder to stay in their lane and in my opinion, your daughters medical situation regarding her bowels will never be anything to do with them. That is a. matter for a medical team and the family, not a teacher.

But we have to accept some children physically cannot access school all the time. Depriving them of education won't change that.

Of course tuition improves my son's outcomes. That's not my point. My point is that all children with health issues that prevent therm accessing school physically should be helped to get a decent standard of education

Depriving children of education doesn't magically make them better

Of course it doesn't. However ultimately the responsibility is on parents to provide education. Some choose to do that via school, but if the child can't attend school, the responsibility goes to the LA after 10 days. In the meanwhile Oak Academy is available FOC.

The LA is supposed to make provisions for children unable to access school due to ill health etc but they really don't like doing it or do the absolute bare minimum which often goes against guidelines and policies.

Before my son was well enough to go back to school, I had to fight the LA because they decided that 1 hour a day of tutoring was equivalent to providing my son his legal right to a full time education.

My son has bowel issues but not to the extreme your DD has. He hasn't needed surgery or hospitalisation but we do have to decompact via medication. When we initially started the medication he was just about to start school so he went in pull ups but he was so much younger (age 4) and not aware that this was different.

There is no way this is appropriate for your DD.

I also suspect the school have no concept of the pain blocked bowel causes. The pain my son had before his bowel issues became manageable was horrendous. Even now with good management sometimes the pain can be too high for school.

Some schools really do harass parents so badly over genuine medical absences. It really isn't acceptable.

Thinking of you all.

Oak academy is nothing like a real education and when we tried using it during the pandemic it was riddled with errors and poor teaching

Proper live online school is excellent
Allowing children to access lessons remotely on "flare" days is also perfectly achievable now if the govt wanted to make it happen

I happily pay to fill the gaps in my children's education but most don't have that option

if this happens in later life you will also be dealing with the mental health issues this will cause. Tell them to send you work to do with her until she well enough to go back to school. I hope she gets better soon.

Is there something you’re not telling us? It’s obviously not ok for a 10 year old to be expected to wear a nappy. Has she additional needs?

I know that too. One of my children had a CIN because she was very complex but I was told it was a standard thing to do because of her disability, and not associated with concerns about abuse.

You do know some secondary school children wear pads to school. On its own, it’s not a weird disgusting thing. It is a sensible thing. Whether it works for your daughter is another matter.

It sounds like your describing Hirschsprungs Disease give this charity a call they they will support and represent you www.littlemiraclescharity.org.uk if your not local then it may need to be online it they are fab. Going into nappies is not a solution (also are they proposing that they will change her?) and they should be providing home tuition until she is well enough to attend. Good luck xx
@CoffeeMama22