School wants my 10-year-old in nappies due to bowel issues

[CoffeeMama22]

My DD has been struggling with her bowels all her life, fully potty trained dry night and day. She is 10.
recently she has been off school due to a bowel obstruction. Awaiting surgical removal etc. due to over flow, pain etc she has been unable to attend school.

school has stated that I need to put my daughter in nappies, their words not mine!

shes 10 and never had any issues before.
im so angry right now, and really thinking about home schooling.

I have asked for medical reports from consultants etc, but for a 10 year old surely this would be embarrassing and backwards learning. I have personally asked my daughter and she has said no, but the school have said it’s effecting her education way too much. FYI I have been doing a lot of home Ed because the school haven’t sent her any school work yet.

Have you asked them why they are putting their attendance stats above the wellbeing of a child?

Nappies is a suggestion like many others. School children are used to children having many needs in a classroom so it need not be humiliating if the classroom has the correct ethos. Getting outraged at a suggestion doesn’t help the actual issue that a child is clearly missing their education and a solution needs to be found.

Madreamigajefa2 · Today 02:52

perhaphs read the above post as to why the suggestion of nappies isn’t helpful

She does need support due to how much education she’s missing with no end date, social services can help with education out of school eg a tutor sometimes but also the school have a duty of care to ensure your dd is genuinely ill (does she have a note from her consultant saying she cannot attend school?) rather than an abuse situation - you sound like a caring and crucially genuine situation but schools are acutely aware that children have slipped through the net and even died because their school didn’t raise the alarm about their absence. Her consultant ideally, otherwise your gp needs to write to the school explaining the situation, and if she’s under it for instance how school can positively support her attendance or if she requires education otherwise

@CoffeeMama22 what do you want to do ?
Education is important . However health first!
No way to nappies. Who are these people .

Scotland or England ?
Helps with advice for home ed .
Personal i would do home ed .

Your poor daughter. Does she have a date for surgery? I understand that they might need medical reports for the admin side of things but I would absolutely not be putting her in a nappy. Aside from that, if she’s in a lot of pain, she wouldn’t be able to attend anyway. I’m sure you’re more than aware as her mum that it’s affecting her education, I’d be annoyed at them saying that. You’ve been educating her at home and that seems the only suitable solution at the moment until she has surgery. They can support this by sending work home surely?

Apply for support via the local authority through Section 19 medical needs. If a child misses 15 days of education and the school can't offer a suitable education it becomes the LA's responsibility. You will need evidence to show she is too unwell to attend school at the moment.

Just like the school, you are ignoring all the other issues and symptoms and focusing on the one that’s an “easy”(but inappropriate) fix.

i would contact your local authority for advice. They will have a team that supports children with medical needs and can advise on what school should be doing and if she meets the threshold for other types of support (e.g tutoring, AV1 robot).

There’s obviously a lot going on here we’re not aware of if school have safeguarding concerns. It sounds like they’re suggesting anything to get her back in school, which is a good thing. You’re putting your side of the story. I’d be very interested to hear schools side.

I was going to suggest this too.

Definitely get all of the school policies and go though them and highlight anything relevant to the treatment of your daughter. There should be a section on continence needs

How long has she been off school? Schools are becoming more focused on welfare checks because of the Keeping Children Safe in Education Guidance which is their legal duty. They are box ticking rather than focusing on the needs and well-being of your child. The home visit is a new thing they seem to be pushing, you can decline or agree to a supportive video call to cheer your child up from her class teacher or another favourite teacher. Your child has seen multiple medical professionals recently in person who can verify their safety. They can do information sharing under safeguarding rules and contact your daughter's GP or specialist team if they want to verify anything. You can give them permission to speak to them directly and I am sure the school will be given short shrift.

Your child is authorised absent for medical reasons, you have contacted them on the first day and kept them updated. You have also provided medical evidence way above what is required which they have accepted because they are marking her absent due to illness. After 15 days absence they are meant to refer to the local authority which could involve arranging home teaching, a teaching service or hospital school.

They cannot demand she wears nappies and attends if she is on large amounts of laxatives and in pain with a need for immediate access to a toilet at very frequent intervals. To demand she attends is not in her best interests or focused on her wellbeing.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/keeping-children-safe-in-education--2

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/working-together-to-improve-school-attendance

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/657995f0254aaa000d050bff/Arranging_education_for_children_who_cannot_attend_school_because_of_health_needs.pdf

https://www.hampshirescp.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Safeguarding-Checks-For-Children-Not-In-School.pdf

This school sounds horrendous. Definitely no to nappies! What on earth?!

Is there any chance you would want to home school? I think I would consider it in your position, but also understand it is not something everyone would want to do

Teacher here…I’d be asking for the complaints procedure and an email address for the chair of governors to put your complaint in writing. Lead with the comments about nappies which will be publicly humiliating for a ten year old then mention how they have demanded documentation from you and have refused to give you work to do from home!

Presumably you are posting from the privileged position of a parent with a child in good health?

This school sounds horrific. When get your breath back, I'd put a complaint in. Not supposed to be a witch hunt, she's supposed to get support. I do feel for you, enough to worry about without dealing with school officiousness. Hope all goes well with the operation and the care.

If your child is awaiting surgery, then section 19 of the Education act may apply. https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/657995f0254aaa000d050bff/Arranging_education_for_children_who_cannot_attend_school_because_of_health_needs.pdf

Ask the school or look on your local authority website. Parents can apply in most areas.

How about if it was cancer, would you deem time off allowable then? Are you a doctor?

School are handling this terribly and don't appear to have DD's best interests at heart, which is concerning. I'd go to the governors or the local authority.
And threatening SS is ridiculous and could backfire on the school. Any safeguarding that needs to take place ought to be to protect your child from the school, not from you.
Sorry you and DC are both dealing with this, OP.

Lovely reach there. I believe in working with a school to find a solution. Personal attacks on me don’t help. The guidance posted above suggests children can wear incontinence pads in school if that’s what their healthcare worker suggests.

But that suggestion didn’t come from the child’s healthcare team, it came from the school.

Why did you see it as a personal attack? You’ve inferred that the parent isn’t working with the school here when it’s been explained a number of times why the suggestion is unhelpful and bordering on inappropriate.

If you’re willing to make strong statements and suggestions about a child’s medical concerns then it’s a little surprising that you’re sensitive about questions in return.

Can her father help out in any way?

While I think this school has behaved disgustingly and I would seriously consider moving school - nappies is a very loaded term - and actually Tena pants are much less bulky and are effective.

My mother has some difficulty sometimes with bladder or bowels wears Tena Proskin pants - and they are so comfortable and convenient. So easy to deal with any accident - you just take them off and replace them. So much less hassle than fiddling around with pads, and replacement knickers.

So regardless of the awfulness of fhe school I would consider that.

While I think this school has behaved disgustingly and I would seriously consider moving school - nappies is a very loaded term - and actually Tena pants are much less bulky and are effective.

My mother has some difficulty sometimes with bladder or bowels wears Tena Proskin pants - and they are so comfortable and convenient. So easy to deal with any accident - you just take them off and replace them. So much less hassle than fiddling around with pads, and replacement knickers.

So regardless of the awfulness of fhe school I would consider that.