School wants my 10-year-old in nappies due to bowel issues

[CoffeeMama22]

My DD has been struggling with her bowels all her life, fully potty trained dry night and day. She is 10.
recently she has been off school due to a bowel obstruction. Awaiting surgical removal etc. due to over flow, pain etc she has been unable to attend school.

school has stated that I need to put my daughter in nappies, their words not mine!

shes 10 and never had any issues before.
im so angry right now, and really thinking about home schooling.

I have asked for medical reports from consultants etc, but for a 10 year old surely this would be embarrassing and backwards learning. I have personally asked my daughter and she has said no, but the school have said it’s effecting her education way too much. FYI I have been doing a lot of home Ed because the school haven’t sent her any school work yet.

Probably said before, but ask your medical team to communicate with the school about the help that she needs.
If the school cannot deliver that support or refuses to acknowledge it then you need to make a complaint.
Unless she’s in excruciating pain, there should be a way for her to attend school

I agree with all of this.

This is insane, is your child not entitled to any privacy at all?

Schools rarely provide work for students at home. Not their responsibility and encourages students tk stay at home. Providing work by proxy authorises the attendance.

Is there a long term plan to get your DD back to school? Nappies perhaps wasn't an appropriate suggestion, but PPs are right that if this is an ongoing issue, there needs to be a post surgery plan. What does that look like?

Great suggestion- this is exactly what an MP is for and they will be delighted to help. Use ChatGPT to help you write a letter and then send it by email. You will find your MP’s email address online, just search their name. Put “urgent” in the email title. I have written to my MP several times and they have always been incredibly helpful. You would be amazed how receiving a letter on Parliament headed paper suddenly encourages people to follow formal policies!

Kind of the thoughts that came to my mind. It seems quite common to push parents to the hilt until they offroll.

Personally I'd let them do all the safeguarding stuff they want. If you get a visit then you can vent all your frustrations at the poor bugger that comes.

You can't send a 10 yr old to school in nappies. Kids are cruel.

I think this must be part of a much bigger picture and a story we aren’t being told.

I'd contact your MP

Also have a look at online schools like Kings Inter high etc. these are a great option for a child that can't attend school for a long stretch

Your daughter is not fit for school.

Forward a medical certificate to the school stating her absence and stop telling the school your daughter’s private medical information.

It’s crazy to me that schools in the UK punish parents and students for taking time off. Your daughter is seriously ill.

I’m very concerned why the surgeon is delaying this operation? A bowel impaction is a medical emergency.

That's very odd that they are not treating the existing blockage emergently. A HD biopsy is not dependent on there being a blockage, they are done no matter what state the bowel is in.

I think what @Myteenhonestly is trying to say is, there’s possibly more to this story.

The OP hasn’t replied with how their child’s attendance was before this episode.

There’s no shame in a child attending school in nappies (or as we prefer to say, pads). Bowel issues may not be common but some children do suffer with chronic constipation so pads are a requirement.

It’s also not an easy answer for school either. You cannot leave a child in a soiled pad and even a ten year old will need help to dispose of it, so that would potentially require two members of staff to help the child.

I’d also be chasing the hospital for the biopsy and surgery date. Your child shouldn’t be left in pain.

Talk to your GP about this. Either your child is well enough to attend school or not. As the school aren't medically qualified to decide then I'd say its up to her doctor or consultant.

I've taught a 4 year old with bowel issues and never, ever, ever did anyone ever consider suggesting nappies. No way.

Make enquiries about educational provision under s.19 Education Act 1996. The local authority are obliged to provide support, not necessarily the school. Don't withdraw her and home educate, fight for what she's entitled to.
Have a look at template letter 22b
https://www.ipsea.org.uk/asking-the-local-authority-to-arrange-alternative-education-model-letter-22

I'd also ignore the goady, unpleasant people on here who are trying to pick holes in your story.

A bit more on the law.
https://www.localgovernmentlawyer.co.uk/education-law/343-education-features/60273-understanding-section-19-of-the-education-act-1996
Good luck.

Personally the only meeting I would be having is with a solicitor. Bullying you and harassing just to suit their targets. You should have said ‘ bring it on’ to telling social services, so they could embarrass themselves. Problem is they are getting at you when you are already down unbelievable. If no funds I would do a go fund me. I would support this as I am sure many would.
I am usually a strong supporter of school rules, but when some jobs worth causes misery. No.
This has triggered me as years ago I had such an issue. Our consultant was furious and wrote a scathing letter informing the head of the potential severe harm to all pupils of the rule and their legal liability. Good luck op and daughter

is the school nurse involved? If not, they should be. She should have an individual health care plan - this cannot say ‘just wear nappies’ it should be informed by medical advice. If she is off school, work should be provided in some form and you can look to what provision your LA provides - might be called a hospital school or medical needs tuition. Your LA will have some arrangement and your local SENDIASS will know. This can involve tutors coming home when she is too sick to be in school. The hospital she is in may have some arrangements also, working with what is being taught in the home school.

It’s likely your school has a policy on its website about how they manage medical needs - have a look and see if they are following it.

Do they think she has hirschprung disease op ?

If so the school are being bang out of order.......you'd be quite within your right to make a formal complaint.

The posters suggesting there’s more to this story are really underestimating the way some institutions deal with people with bowel issues/ hidden disabilities. A childcare setting refused to allow my son a small reasonable adjustment despite having a letter from his paediatric surgeon saying it was necessary because they stated they had dealt with children with constipation before and it wasn’t necessary. They thought they knew better than me and my child’s paediatric surgeon and essentially excluded him on this basis. If OP’s child does have Hirschprung’s Disease it is likely she feels extremely uncomfortable and unwell, Hirschprung’s Disease can be life threatening, it’s not just constipation.

I work in a school. Schools suggest lots of options as attendance is important. Nappies are clearly a last resort my school involving a huge commitment with staffing and safeguarding so it’s not an offer any school would take lightly.

This. It’s unacceptable to be threatening you when they have lots of evidence of why she isn’t in school. Get your local MP and councillor involved and make a formal complaint.
Sadly some schools will only respond to robust responses not common sense. I say this as an ex-senior teacher. I can’t imagine responding the way the school has to you. I’m sorry they’ve added so much extra stress.

Ask them if they’d expect a staff member with a bowel blockage and incontinence to wear a pad and turn up for work.
I'm guessing not?!

Honestly I wouldn't bet on it!

@CoffeeMama22 firstly don't worry about the phrase 'Child In Need' - the criteria for this includes children who need to support to access education due to illness or disability - it's not a reflection on your parenting.

We have several children at our school (secondary) with bowel issues, including Hirschprungs. They have toilet passes and we keep a set of spare clothes and clean up kit for each of them in the medical room. We can have pain relief protocols and supplies of medication kept in school as well and medical
passes so they can come to us for those as an when needed without question.

On the few rare occasions someone has experienced an impacting and needed more aggressive treatment they have been off school as needed and supported when they get back as above.

Have your school suggested any of the above measures? Could they work for your daughter?

This is standing out to me as about the schools absence record and nothing to do about the welfare of your child

It doesn’t take into account how unwell OP’s daughter is feeling and it would be completely humiliating for a 10 year old. If/ when OP’s daughter is diagnosed there are many ways it can be dealt with, but putting nappies on a 10 yo is not one of them.