My son can't get an apprenticeship and is getting violent and moody

[WiseHiker]

My son is strugling to get an apprenticeship at 20 and his mental health is deteriorating

Firstly he is not a bad kid never touched drugs or drink. He was bullied alot in school as he is autistic and he claims because of his hight however despite this he got ok gcses (6s and 7s)

And tried alevels however dropped out because of further bullying and because he found the course uninteresting. He then spent around 2 years travelling to see his then girlfriend from Bournemouth

At 18 they broke up and he did a pt qualification at level 2, did boxing and got a part time job at a pub after alot of difficulty. However he quickly spiraled into an eating disorder and decided he can't continue down the gym Instructing route.

Since turning 19 he's been looking to get an apprenticeship in "anything not behind a desk that pays well" however has had no joy with the exception of an assessment centre .after being told he didn't get the job because his team lost after no one listened to him. he punched one of the people in his team outside the event out of frustration. I have since gotten him anger management and told him this is not acceptable.

He is now 20 still looking for one, he has started driving lessons to aid in this however he has become even more moody and withdrawn. He barely sees his friends as they are all working 9 to 5 and he works evenings and weekends. Compounding this I believe could be that his dad is terminally ill with hypertension of the heart.
Furthermore earlier this year he started seeing a new girl who within 3 month slept with one of his mates. Currently all he does is apply for jobs and work out for an unhealthy amount of time . I'm not sure how to help him.

The violence however was unacceptable and I have taken steps to help him

He doesn't enjoy any of it he views it as a waste of his time as no one helped him why should I help others spiel

You've literally just justified it - for everything he had a reason,I'm not justifying it and then you said ... in my opinion it was fair. So you do think it's okay, stop trying to hide behind it, just because someone was doing something annoying doesn't mean you should choke them or punch them. Even if they've bullied you, you report it and you complain when it's not dealt with, not this.

OK I will have a talk about things with him. He holds alot of resentment for the way people treated him

Then he should stop because with that attitude the charity shop probably want to see the back of him.
Sorry if that sounds rude but it's likely true.

Will it still look good on his cv

So once again he's incredibly self-centered and cannot see the value of caring about anyone but himself - that's not going to get him anywhere in terms of a career and also in terms of a girlfriend because that would be a massive turnoff to me, an immediate red flag and I'd probably break up with him. Also what steps have you taken to help him?

My suggestions and other PP's useful suggestions on mental health have been ignored - you don't see any reason for him to do DBT or get mood stabilisers cause he's fine and of course he can be angry for his life going badly even though except for the bullying that was mainly down to him. You keep saying he wants to change but he continues to not want to study because of other people and isn't disciplined enough to stick anything out.

I think he should stay at the charity shop, maybe over time he'll learn empathy and it's good for his CV to build skills. If they don't like him because he's rude or doesn't see the value in it - they'll tell him to leave.

He doesn't even have bad posture

He sounds desperately unhappy to be honest.
Lost and confused.
He needs to stop obsessing over earning "lots of money" and a career for now and find what exactly in life he enjoys and gets pleasure over.
If you are in a position to be able to afford to feed and clothe him he needs to just pause for breath and start again with adult life.

No.
Because if an interviewer asks about it then what's he going to be able to say about it.
Volunteering just to have something to put on a CV is not good volunteering.

One thing he's good at is lying. In his last interview he said
he enjoyed helping people just so it sounds good to the interviewer he's good at interviews but poor at assessment centres

Pilates is still a good thing, also it may be good to try something new and be slightly bad at first but improve. It will teach him resilience which he needs, especially with the job process.

Everybody presents their best self in an interview. Don't criticise him for that. A lie is inventing qualifications.

It bothers me that you talk about his more negative traits in such an unfeeling way, almost like you're laying his faults in front of your audience and encouraging them to dislike him, and yet you clearly also want to help him. Are you autistic too?

I have never been tested however it does have evidence of running in the family

I'm trying to paint a clear unbiased picture

Agree , it is pointless him volunteering there and anything he says about it will show his heart was not in it, nor is he doing the organisation any favours. How long has he done it for? He might lie but the assessment centres soon find him out as his interpersonal skills and self awareness seem lacking. Tbh I’m surprised he even gets as far as interview if he has so little experience to fall back on. Even entry level jobs expect you to recall examples and relate it to the question. He needs to stop doing this as a means to an end and find something he enjoys for its own sake. Are you sure there are no funded courses he could do to get started? Could he travel further to college?

Yes he is bad with buses, possibly when he's driving. I would take him if I wasn't looking after his father any within biking distance are booked up on free courses

What do you mean “bad with buses”? If he got pip could he use that for taxis? He does not sound as if he likes himself much, do you? Self esteem issues may well put him on the defensive or respond with aggression.

He has low self esteem since his first breakup which lead into his ed he never wanted to be hurt like that again

Honestly, he sounds like a sociopath or a major personality disorder.
He's expecting a career or well paying job but he's not even done A levels let alone further education.
Training, skills, education get you well paying jobs and a career. Not bumming about as a post-gcse dropout.
I've hired lots of people in minimum wage roles and entry level positions.
My latest entry level position hire has a degree and several years of temp work behind her.
I would be unlikely to hire your son from what you say about him here.

No one owes him a high paying role, a career, an apprenticeship, etc. I've promoted entry level people who are hard working and show initiative into better positions and given them careers, training and education.

I suggest he gets psychiatric help, an attitude adjustment and thinks about what he wants to do and what he enjoys doing and then goes about getting qualifications and work experience and temp positions etc with a view to pursuing that ambition.

He's not good at interviews though is he? Because he's having to lie to get through them. I suppose you think that's ok as well?

He's poor in assessment centers because they see what he's like actually interacting with other people. People he doesn't care about hurting, people he sees as obstacles, people who make him cry when they confront him, people he thinks it's fine to assault if he deems it fit, people who he's 'burned every bridge' with.

What job do you think he's going to possibly hold down long term until he's dealt with those issues? All you're doing is papering over the cracks and setting him up to fail.

He's been extremely lucky so far, but the next time he assaults someone that luck might not hold out. And if he does it in work, or gets convicted, he'll be kissing any thought of a 'good' job goodbye for a long, long time.

He wants a high paying job but can't figure out getting a bus?

He's good with trains though

So where is commutable by train? He might need to look further afield for both work and college.

Honestly if he's good with trains, apply to work with them. Either as a driver or maintenance