I’m really sorry that you and your family have had so little support and so much upheaval 
This VAT issue has been so divisive. It’s a punitive illogical government policy that fails on its own terms. It creates new drawbacks for all children and families in state or private EXCEPT for the most privileged families with kids attending the most top flight private schools.
People in favour of this policy don’t like this being pointed out. They don’t like being made to feel uncomfortable by being asked to look at the reality for parents with SEND.
It’s sad reading posts from people smugly saying that their bright child is doing brilliantly in their local state school.
Those parents have just been lucky, that they can both meet their kids’ needs AND not have their own principles for state education challenged.
Let alone have their family finances, family health, adult careers, partner and family relationships, living arrangements, reasonable expectations of how they and their family might be able to live either now, or in old age/adulthood challenged, stretched or broken.
They don’t have to live in near constant hypervigilant stress in the moment for their kids and reality-based anxiety for the future.
Because even less help is coming soon, financial punishment with school costs and VAT is already here and the Labour government (shame on them) wants to cut public services for disabled children even more. Nobody wants to hear this. I voted Labour to protect public services. That’s why I can never vote Tory.
VAT on private schools is way more complex issue than the government had presented it as, because it also relates to ingrained injustice and failure in the state system for kids with SEND. And apparently the government’s answer will be to cut more, hurting the kids in state snd private schools with SEND and the many who still can’t access any suitable school at all.