Private school education - Is it really worth it?

[Mememe1234]

My husband and I earn a good living which is well above the average however we both come from humble beginnings. I was raised by a single mum so money was always tight and my husband was raised by mum and dad who worked in admin and as a tradesman. This means that we have always had limited financial means.

However now as adults we have worked incredibly hard to improve our financial situation and both degree, master degree education, living in an expensive part of the UK etc... Some of our neighbors come from vastly different backgrounds to us, private school educated, parents with high profile jobs etc...

Now my neighbor and i have this on-going conversation about private school. She has no doubt that her only son will go to private school whilst my eldest son is currently in state school. I'm pro state school however i have looked into private. We could afford it but it would mean using a huge proportion of our income etc... We also have two kids so having 1 would be a lot more affordable.

For anyone who has kids in private school, what is the reason you chose it? I know its got smaller classes etc but i could hire a private tutor instead which would be even more focused. I personally benefitted more from private tutoring when a kid as large group setting was challenging when i wanted to ask a specific question and be heard as I've always been more introverted.

The cost of private school is £24k a year. With two kids its £50k including lunch and doesn't even include summer holidays, inset days, half terms etc... The thought of spending that much money makes me feel a bit sick.

Now tell me is it worth it?

That's another choice to factor into the mix though - if you choose to live where there is no public transport, then you have to consider more driving of DC about than those where there is.

You also need to consider how you will help your child develop "being independent" skills if everything they do is at the same school and they are driven everywhere by their parents, which is something the school won't be able to do by definition ...

Or, you can lift share with other parents. And, these days some things (especially tutoring) are online. It doesn't necessarily require a parent to physically take their child to each and every activity they want to do.

@redskytwonight but independence is developed in so many ways eg my DDs main hobby is outside of school and she did a 1 week sleep away in the middle of a field with 20 others 2 weeks ago.
I assure you that she is appropriately independent for a 12 Yr old and that going to private school in no way hinders this.
I think you are missing the point that going private means that as parents we don't have the logistics of lift sharing etc etc because our kids do the enrichment stuff as part of their school day.
That's the main reason we chose it, precisely because of where we live and the logistics.

There's nothing on God's green earth that works for every child.

Doesn't mean that parents shouldn't consider it as a possible for their family.

When talking about spending upwards of £100k it's worth thinking about.

I'm unfortunately thinking of the sad example of a child I know who got to 18 having done all her activities (from age 7) within a single private school so had met very few people beyond her immediate peer group. Plus she was always driven to places by an adult (or often just didn't go anywhere) as there was no public transport where she lived.

She really really struggled when she got to university.

Doing everything under one roof might be convenient but it also keeps students very cloistered, if you're not careful. Convenience has downsides.

I felt putting them in the longer days and losing Saturdays was also a negative, it really cuts into family/free time.

Mine did their other things after school not in the late evenings.

Everyone's family set up is different, I guess.

That's another choice to factor into the mix though - if you choose to live where there is no public transport, then you have to consider more driving of DC about than those where there is.

Definitely choosing where to live can make a huge difference to life for teens, in terms of them being free to pursue their own interests. In that I know we were lucky because the kids could safely get themselves to things, meaning they had more free choice.

And that's why we ensure she has friends and interests outside of school.

For me, it depends on the child and the schools available.

I have one child in state and one child in independent. The differences I see most are first, the kids in private school are expected to achieve/organise/aspire/strive under their own steam vs kids being spoon-fed in the state school, and secondly, the level/variety/standard of extra curricular and sport.

For my kids, independent was right for one and the state school is better for the other.

I can be lovely but not so much when people spout nonsense about what all people who went to Private school are like.

Everyone I’ve met who went to State school is an uncultured fool (not even remotely true or fair)

That's interesting as i would be worried that the kid who went to state would say why did you not pay for me to go too. I could easily afford one but not two but i don't think it would be fair to send one and not the other. I'm sure there's valid reasons for doing this and probably driven by the kid too

My dc have gone to both state and private depending on where we were in the world and our finances.
Both have advantages and disadvantages. Overall I think that private has more advantages but not if it is a financial struggle paying for it.

We could have done but didn't.

Both DC went to the local state schools and have been very happy, plus they were good schools.

For us it was really an ethical decision as we don't agree with private education, however had our local schools been awful we would have had to forgo our ethics for the sake of the DC's happiness.

Looking forward (5 years horizon) , the budget for state sector education is getting further squeezed, the private school fee will increase, the funding gap between the state and private sector will be widen. 10-20 years ago, the funding budget gap between state and private is much less.

One thing to take into consideration is the following: is it ethical to drive up house prices around decent state schools which in turn ensures that mostly children from well off families can attend them?
i don’t buy the “not agreeing with independent schools “ when at tbe same time spending a lot of money on a house in a good catchment (and taking a place away from a child with less lucky parents).
There should be decent schools available everywhere - private or picking a good catchment (and paying for it) are equally ethically doubtful

@Mememe1234 I worry about resentment in the future too, but that's something I will have to manage if it happens. When it came to choosing secondary schools we (incl kids) looked at quite a few state options and one independent. The kids each chose different schools for different reasons, then we weren't offered the expected state option anyway, then the independent option fell through (and then came back again ...) .... I just tried to talk to the kids about it at every step of the way, and take in to account their opinions too. I also regularly talk about the options for switching between state/independent at any point in either direction for either child. I hope this all means they feel they had options and don't feel resentment in the future.

Reasons why we picked private school...

• class sizes, there are 15 in total in one class. The state school we looked at had 36. Massive difference.

• NOT obsessed with academics. Weird one as many assume you send your child to private school so they get better grades but this particular one doesn't have SATS exams and has a lot of extra curricular activities that it promotes to students. It also teaches things like debating.

• Emphasis on sport - my ds is very sporty and he has PE 3x a week, swimming twice and extra clubs he loves it

• the cost for us no way near what you pay at 12k per year

As others have said, you are asking the wrong question really, as both sectors cover an absolutely huge range. In some places, yes, the private schools will be vastly better than the state provision and hence worth the money if you have it but that is not the case everywhere.
I went to truly awful state schools and didn't want my children to experience the same, and DH was privately educated so assumed his children would be, so to be honest we didn't even look at the local state schools when our eldest came to start school, we just assumed private would be better. And the school we chose was fine. She made nice friends, had some very good teachers and progressed well. But as time went on, I began to question just how good value for money it represented. I saw what friends' children were doing at the local village school and started to wonder whether the extra that we were getting (and there were some advantages) was actually worth the money we were spending. Then as DD got a bit older, the advantage of having extracurricular stuff at school actually started to become a disadvantage as demands of school teams and so on started to eat into time that she (and we !)wanted to spend on other things. So we moved to state and never looked back.
There was nothing "wrong" with the independent school as such, but it just wasn't worth the cost to us when the state provision here is actually very good. And we could easily compensate for any gaps with the money we saved on school fees. So for our family, where we live,no, private schooling was not worth the money. However, had we still lived in my home town, it definitely would have been! My old school has not improved discernibly since I was a child and I would have moved heaven and earth to avoid sending my children there.
Look carefully at every option that you realistically have and weigh up the pros and cons. Don't make the mistake that I did and assume that the most costly option is automatically the best. It might be of course, but not always!

I think the question "is it worth it?" is difficult as it totally depends on the individual situation. No two situations are the same.

I would compare it to buying cars. The older model with less fancy features is absolutely ok, but people look at the new cars with add on spec and would like that ... (and you have to pay a lot to get those add ons)....

That's interesting as i would be worried that the kid who went to state would say why did you not pay for me to go too. I could easily afford one but not two but i don't think it would be fair to send one and not the other. I'm sure there's valid reasons for doing this and probably driven by the kid too

One of my school friends attended my school (very good state catholic) & went to Oxford & worked at Goldman Sachs for yrs. Obviously she has all the trappings of a very highly paid lifestyle. Her sibling went to private school as she was less academic & parents felt she needed more pushing. She has a decent job but didn't go to Oxford or similar and doesn't earn hundreds of thousands. No resentment

i don’t buy the “not agreeing with independent schools “ when at tbe same time spending a lot of money on a house in a good catchment (and taking a place away from a child with less lucky parents).

I agree but I don’t think that’s quite as hypocritical as those who say ‘I vehemently disagree with private education and I’d vote for any party who promised to abolish it ………but I send our children to a private school.’

Or maybe those posters are on the wind-up.

i don’t buy the “not agreeing with independent schools “ when at tbe same time spending a lot of money on a house in a good catchment (and taking a place away from a child with less lucky parents).

Tbf I live where I grew up & have excellent local schools. The area has gentrified ridiculously which is nothing to do with me, but has benefited me. Should I have to move away from my roots & family?

Looking forward (5 years horizon) , the budget for state sector education is getting further squeezed, the private school fee will increase, the funding gap between the state and private sector will be widen. 10-20 years ago, the funding budget gap between state and private is much less.
Closing the gap between state and private per pupil spend is a priority for Labour (as it was post-97). Obviously not for the Tories! We'll have to see what happens at the election.

Tbf one squeeze some independent schools are feeling is pensions with some opting out of the TPS which makes them less attractive on one hand in terms of working there.

Even Labour do a fantastic job will take a generation effort to close the gap to what it was before. The children only have one education lifetime.

Closing the gap between state and private per pupil spend is a priority for Labour

Calmcoco how are Labour hoping to do that? It will be good if they manage to do so.