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Original poster

Private school education - Is it really worth it?

219 replies

Mememe1234 · 14/08/2023 14:41

My husband and I earn a good living which is well above the average however we both come from humble beginnings. I was raised by a single mum so money was always tight and my husband was raised by mum and dad who worked in admin and as a tradesman. This means that we have always had limited financial means.

However now as adults we have worked incredibly hard to improve our financial situation and both degree, master degree education, living in an expensive part of the UK etc... Some of our neighbors come from vastly different backgrounds to us, private school educated, parents with high profile jobs etc...

Now my neighbor and i have this on-going conversation about private school. She has no doubt that her only son will go to private school whilst my eldest son is currently in state school. I'm pro state school however i have looked into private. We could afford it but it would mean using a huge proportion of our income etc... We also have two kids so having 1 would be a lot more affordable.

For anyone who has kids in private school, what is the reason you chose it? I know its got smaller classes etc but i could hire a private tutor instead which would be even more focused. I personally benefitted more from private tutoring when a kid as large group setting was challenging when i wanted to ask a specific question and be heard as I've always been more introverted.

The cost of private school is £24k a year. With two kids its £50k including lunch and doesn't even include summer holidays, inset days, half terms etc... The thought of spending that much money makes me feel a bit sick.

Now tell me is it worth it?

OP posts:
saywh4tnow · 14/08/2023 16:19

As many previous posters have already written - whether private is worth it, really depends on so many different factors. What school will suit you child best, what state and private schools are realistically available to you, how financially secure you are etc. The only people who can answer this are you and your partner.

In my DC's case, we were in the financial position to send them to private school after them attending a state primary. Last September / October I went to visit lots of state and private schools and tried to get a feel for whether I could see my DC there. Some of the private schools were just a bit uninspiring or had a certain 'type' and couldn't see us fitting in, and some of the state school surprised me with how good there were (and visa versa of course).

Fast forward to making a decision, my DC sat and passed the entrance exam to a decent private school, but they also got their/our first choice state secondary school on national offer day. We were delighted to be in this situation and eventually chose the state secondary - it has a great teaching and pastoral ethos and great results given its truly comprehensive, it's also really local and much more socially diverse which for us was ultimately the clincher. Some parents will understand that point of view, some parents might think we are mad, and that's ok!

I think the crucial point though was that I'd really done a lot of research and felt we were making the best decision we could. We are also incredibly lucky to live in area with excellent state options.

twistyizzy · 14/08/2023 16:26

We chose private secondary for DD for the following:

  • local state schools dire
  • PE every day and a wide range of games: netball, swimming, athletics, cricket, hockey, running, tennis
  • smaller class sizes ie max. 25 kids
  • the value added stuff: drama, music, art history, classics. 4 x music lessons per week etc and each child learns 1 or 2 instruments
  • each subject teacher has a Masters or above. No unqualified teachers or PE teachers teaching Physics etc
  • no teacher shortages

For us the school has exceeded our expectations so far and we feel happy that we are getting what we pay for however also happy that we did state primary and waited for private until Yr 7.

SamPoodle123 · 14/08/2023 16:41

Mememe1234 · 14/08/2023 15:09

I'd be more than happy to pay for after school clubs as my son already does football, gymnastics, tennis and dance after school and swimming at the weekend.

Show quote history

There is a big difference with the after school clubs (at least sports) in state schools. I did not really think much of state versus private until my dd got into a sport and started competing against state/private school kids. The private school dc are so much better. That is until we took charge ourselves of the practices for the team and added more training in, then our team started excelling and winning against the private school teams. But it was a real eye opener to see the difference in sport. And of course if you do additional sports/activities outside of the school you probably can find better clubs that specialize in the area.

calmcoco · 14/08/2023 17:08

Personally I do not think it is worth the money for education alone. If you want a socially exclusive experience for your children, it is obviously the only way to get that.

In terms of best practice private schools lag state. The staff are often less rigourously trained and standards are more variable. Inspection does exist but is not that robust (although Ofsted has issues too). Parents can have too much power in the system which can skew responses to issues between students such as bullying or harassment (sexual or other). Socially private schools are limited and limiting.

The key advantage is class size. But if you've a child who will do well anyway you're paying a huge amount for something marginal that can be achieved through tutoring.

twistyizzy · 14/08/2023 17:16

calmcoco · 14/08/2023 17:08

Personally I do not think it is worth the money for education alone. If you want a socially exclusive experience for your children, it is obviously the only way to get that.

In terms of best practice private schools lag state. The staff are often less rigourously trained and standards are more variable. Inspection does exist but is not that robust (although Ofsted has issues too). Parents can have too much power in the system which can skew responses to issues between students such as bullying or harassment (sexual or other). Socially private schools are limited and limiting.

The key advantage is class size. But if you've a child who will do well anyway you're paying a huge amount for something marginal that can be achieved through tutoring.

Hardly best practice to have major teacher shortages and PE teachers teaching Physics now is it? The state sector is in crisis.

TheMousePipes · 14/08/2023 17:23

calmcoco · 14/08/2023 17:08

Personally I do not think it is worth the money for education alone. If you want a socially exclusive experience for your children, it is obviously the only way to get that.

In terms of best practice private schools lag state. The staff are often less rigourously trained and standards are more variable. Inspection does exist but is not that robust (although Ofsted has issues too). Parents can have too much power in the system which can skew responses to issues between students such as bullying or harassment (sexual or other). Socially private schools are limited and limiting.

The key advantage is class size. But if you've a child who will do well anyway you're paying a huge amount for something marginal that can be achieved through tutoring.

No offence, but pretty much every word of this is bollocks. It assumes that all state schools are a homogenous lump and all independent schools are too which is clearly incorrect. It’s not two sides of a coin, it’s a vast sweeping arc of excellent to shite, regardless of funding model.
You may have experience of an independent like this, but that doesn’t equate to them all fitting the type. In much the same way that state schools vary wildly from fabulous and nurturing to feral and failing.
The only way to make this decision (indie vs. state) IF you are lucky enough to be able to choose without fiscal penalty is to visit all the schools in your line of sight and choose the one that fits your child the best.
And I say that as someone who’s worked in lots of schools, state and independent.

calmcoco · 14/08/2023 17:24

Funding and teacher availability is a separate issue, not related to best practice @twistyizzy

Private schools don't always have the best approach to learning and teaching is what I meant by 'best practice'.

ShanghaiDiva · 14/08/2023 17:29

We chose private as we were relocating back to the uk and I didn’t want to necessarily just accept any place we were offered. We planned to send dd to private for two years and then reassess post gcse. She loves the school and so we have stayed for a levels and dd now has an academic scholarship so bills are slightly lower.
if we had been in the area for primary school we would probably have gone some the grammar school route.

calmcoco · 14/08/2023 17:32

TheMousePipes · 14/08/2023 17:23

No offence, but pretty much every word of this is bollocks. It assumes that all state schools are a homogenous lump and all independent schools are too which is clearly incorrect. It’s not two sides of a coin, it’s a vast sweeping arc of excellent to shite, regardless of funding model.
You may have experience of an independent like this, but that doesn’t equate to them all fitting the type. In much the same way that state schools vary wildly from fabulous and nurturing to feral and failing.
The only way to make this decision (indie vs. state) IF you are lucky enough to be able to choose without fiscal penalty is to visit all the schools in your line of sight and choose the one that fits your child the best.
And I say that as someone who’s worked in lots of schools, state and independent.

Show quote history

Yes it is a spectrum - but my perfectly valid position is a private is not worth the money if a good or better state school is available.

Obviously if you have only a difficult school available the judgement would be different.

mycoffeecup · 14/08/2023 17:34

Not every private school is better than every state school

But on average, a school that functions on £15 - 20k per child, will be likely to give more opportunities than one that functions on £5k per child.

All depends on your local schools.

TheMousePipes · 14/08/2023 17:37

calmcoco · 14/08/2023 17:32

Yes it is a spectrum - but my perfectly valid position is a private is not worth the money if a good or better state school is available.

Obviously if you have only a difficult school available the judgement would be different.

Show quote history

I completely agree. As I said, many many state schools are excellent and there are some seriously mediocre indie’s out there. Find the right school for the child.

redskytwonight · 14/08/2023 17:39

I think a better question is not "is private education worth it" but "is private education a better use of my money than using state + funding extracurriculur + giving the child a lump sum for a deposit".

My observation amongst peers is that having financial support as a young adult has made more difference to their life outcomes than what sort of school they went to.

If you can comfortably afford both, then of course, it's a different question.

twistyizzy · 14/08/2023 17:39

calmcoco · 14/08/2023 17:24

Funding and teacher availability is a separate issue, not related to best practice @twistyizzy

Private schools don't always have the best approach to learning and teaching is what I meant by 'best practice'.

Of course it is related. How can you have best practice if you don't have enough teachers?

NancyJoan · 14/08/2023 17:40

Like you said i should prob see the secondary schools and see if its really worth it. I think it'll depend on what state secondary he gets but we are actively looking at houses close to good state schools as i'd like to have the option to be close to a top state school.

Choosing to move to the catchment of a top state school is just a different way of spending your money to get the best education you can for your child. Make the choice that sits best with you, it doesn’t matter what your neighbour does.

twistyizzy · 14/08/2023 17:41

@calmcoco are you also aware that many private school teachers are ex-state teachers?

TheOutlaws · 14/08/2023 17:44

I went to private school. I teach in a state secondary. I would NEVER send my children to private school, based on my experience (unless they had a very specific set of additional needs).

The school I teach at sends leavers to top apprenticeships/Oxbridge/whichever destination they desire, and is extremely nurturing towards those with additional needs. I’m sending my own DS1 there next year (ASD/ADHD, higher attainer).

Barbadossunset · 14/08/2023 17:46

Op here are the usual reasons mn objects to private education :

All Etonians are thick.

My boss’s children were privately educated and they’d come into the office and behave in an arrogant and entitled fashion, ordering us around and insisting we call them ‘sir’.

When I went to a top university other students kept asking me where I went to
school. What weirdos.

Dh and I are among the top 1% of earners but we send our children to state school because we have morals and are decent people.

Our dc went to an underperforming comp and now they are reading physics and maths at Oxford.

If our children went to private school we might meet Tory voting parents and posh people. We couldn’t have our children mixing with them.

Private school children are spoon fed

Teachers are unqualified.

Those who send their children private have a vested interest in state schools doing badly so they get their moneys worth.

SausageinaBun · 14/08/2023 17:55

It completely depends on the child and the available schools. My DD1 went to state primary. We weren't in a position to pay for or get her to a private primary. She's now at a selective independent secondary. It's a great choice for her as the pace is much better suited to her. If we lived in a grammar area then we probably would have sent her to a grammar school. I've taught in both sectors, years ago, and would have sent her to the comprehensive I taught at over the independent school I taught at. But our local secondary isn't great and her school is a better fit.

I'm not sorry she went to a state primary. She's much more aware of the opportunities that she now has, compared to some of her peers who are used to independent school. She's pretty determined to make the most of those opportunities. She has also mixed with a broader range of people, socio-economically and in academic terms, as a result of going to a state primary.

TheMousePipes · 14/08/2023 17:55

TheOutlaws · 14/08/2023 17:44

I went to private school. I teach in a state secondary. I would NEVER send my children to private school, based on my experience (unless they had a very specific set of additional needs).

The school I teach at sends leavers to top apprenticeships/Oxbridge/whichever destination they desire, and is extremely nurturing towards those with additional needs. I’m sending my own DS1 there next year (ASD/ADHD, higher attainer).

But again, you’re applying the ‘two sides of the coin’ argument to a very nuanced and fluid argument. You work in a fabulous state school - which is excellent, all state schools should be as good as yours. But if you worked in a sink school with poor behaviour and terrible results then you probably wouldn’t be as enthusiastic about sending your child there.
It would be the wrong school for the child. And you might not find the right school if you refused to look at all the options. Just because your school experience in an indie was grim it doesn’t follow that independent schools are full of miserable kids who wish they weren’t there.
Once again, look at all the options available to you and choose the best for your child. Whether it’s tutoring, moving to a good catchment, paying fees - we all do the best we can with our resources to give our kids the best start we can.

Barbadossunset · 14/08/2023 17:58

The school I teach at sends leavers to top apprenticeships/Oxbridge/whichever destination they desire

TheOutlaws so any student at your school who wants to go to Oxbridge gets a place there?

Hoppinggreen · 14/08/2023 18:02

TheOutlaws · 14/08/2023 17:44

I went to private school. I teach in a state secondary. I would NEVER send my children to private school, based on my experience (unless they had a very specific set of additional needs).

The school I teach at sends leavers to top apprenticeships/Oxbridge/whichever destination they desire, and is extremely nurturing towards those with additional needs. I’m sending my own DS1 there next year (ASD/ADHD, higher attainer).

Sounds like you teach at a good State Secondary, if we all had one available then Private schools would be less popular.
If the school you taught at saw 4s or 5s at GCSE as aspirational has sends very few DC to Uni post A level then you might feel differently

CurlewKate · 14/08/2023 18:03

It is also to remember that there are people who are genuinely politically and philosophically opposed to private education. Mumsnet generally regards these people as either non existent or being envious, but they do exist.

Anxioys · 14/08/2023 18:07

It can be. I would look at both sectors locally and compare.

I do send my children to a private school- one reason was class size, another was specific on trans policy and single biological sex provision, and finally while the local grammars were good, they did not seem happy places.

I went to both kinds of school, but I think a lot of children's success is based at home; supportive parenting is key.

Good luck

Spendonsend · 14/08/2023 18:18

To many variables. State schools are wildly variable, children differ greatly and private schools differ greatly.

The main thing is anyone using a private school is going to say its worth it or they wouldnt be doing it.

TheOutlaws · 14/08/2023 18:23

@Barbadossunset

No, because no school can claim that! I did my degree at Oxford (moved from indie to state at 16) and went to uni with private school kids whose friends had failed interviews/missed their grades.