Private school education - Is it really worth it?

[Mememe1234]

My husband and I earn a good living which is well above the average however we both come from humble beginnings. I was raised by a single mum so money was always tight and my husband was raised by mum and dad who worked in admin and as a tradesman. This means that we have always had limited financial means.

However now as adults we have worked incredibly hard to improve our financial situation and both degree, master degree education, living in an expensive part of the UK etc... Some of our neighbors come from vastly different backgrounds to us, private school educated, parents with high profile jobs etc...

Now my neighbor and i have this on-going conversation about private school. She has no doubt that her only son will go to private school whilst my eldest son is currently in state school. I'm pro state school however i have looked into private. We could afford it but it would mean using a huge proportion of our income etc... We also have two kids so having 1 would be a lot more affordable.

For anyone who has kids in private school, what is the reason you chose it? I know its got smaller classes etc but i could hire a private tutor instead which would be even more focused. I personally benefitted more from private tutoring when a kid as large group setting was challenging when i wanted to ask a specific question and be heard as I've always been more introverted.

The cost of private school is £24k a year. With two kids its £50k including lunch and doesn't even include summer holidays, inset days, half terms etc... The thought of spending that much money makes me feel a bit sick.

Now tell me is it worth it?

I’m not, I’m lovely.

As are my husband and kids and our parents.

I suspect you’ve met zero 😂

It depends on the school, on the child and on the quality of the nearby state schools. There isn't a general answer.

£24k is high. The school my DC is at is £18k.

For our particular circumstances yes it is definitely worth it. The DC would not have thrived in the available state school and the education at the private school is excellent, but only in that it is able to provide what all state schools would be able to provide if they were adequately funded.

People talk about the confidence boost that private schools give, and the huge range of extracurricular, but in reality those aren't guaranteed so don't bank on buying them.

Many many pupils in the state sector do brilliantly. Not all kids are alike. The only sensible thing to do is visit all the available schools and choose what the best fit is for each child

This means that if you do state but want to add enrichment to match private then you will need to offer these things every day AFTER you finish work. Plus the ultimate cost of all enrichment activities + they could very well end up being close to the cost of private fees. DDs secondary private fees are 17K per year.

It does depend on location, ime lots of London state schools offer enrichment clubs at lunch & after school. At primary my dc does LAMDA, art, coding, chess, tennis, hockey, tag rugby, cello, strings, choir for example. Our high street offers dance, art, cricket, martial arts, language, sewing clubs etc all within 10 min walk. It defo doesn't cost 17k. One of my local state secondaries which is well regarded offers tuition in approx 15 instruments & has a big timetable of enrichment. Private schools may still offer more but my point was it's not a case you need to do everything yourself but obviously it depends on location.

@lovewoola but many people don't live in London and therefore have access to many fewer activities + have to factor in lengthy travel times to get to activities.
My DDs rural state primary wasn't able to offer any of things you listed so yes 100% it very much depends on whereabouts in the country you live.
Which why it is so specific to each child's circumstances.

£24k is high. The school my DC is at is £18k.

Depends on location, 24k plus is normal for London.

@twistyizzy of course not everyone lives in London & we know there is a divide between London schools vs the rest of the country.

I was just making the point that many state schools do offer enrichment so you don't need to give up work to facilitate them...

I thought it was pretty obvious I was replying to the below..

"This means that if you do state but want to add enrichment to match private then you will need to offer these things every day AFTER you finish work."

And that doesn't work for every child. Which is why it has to be case by case.

My dc who is thriving at a private school would not be able to cope with an extra tutorial burden on top of the working day at school (neurodiversity issues and limited energy for interaction with people). Not every town has a wide range of extracurricular opportunities and parents cannot choose how much self-motivation their child will develop.

Yes it is a shame that, as with most of the wealth in the country, there is such a London-centric availability of good state schools which offer fantastic extra-curricular/enrichment activities.
The state schools around here just can't offer those same opportunities.

We took our son out of private just before he started GCSEs- a lot of his friends had left and he no longer enjoyed it. There was also a huge emphasis on sport and he isn't sporty. We lived in Oxford at the time, so he went to a big but decent comp plus some private tutoring in maths and science- academically he did exactly as predicted , no better, no worse. I think you get more out of it valuexwise your children are sporty , musical etc and a lot depends on what's available in state provision local to you too

@Crikeyalmighty I know the school you’re referring to well; it gets consistently outstanding results because lots of parents pay for tutors (and the private school parents move kids there at 16 for the Oxbridge state school cachet). No judgement, it’s just the reality of state schools in Oxford (city: it’s a bit different in the sticks).

My dc who is thriving at a private school would not be able to cope with an extra tutorial burden on top of the working day at school (neurodiversity issues and limited energy for interaction with people)
This is what bothers me for my DC. I know from working in some that the good state schools in my area are still suffering the impact of cuts, staffing etc, and that there's a strong culture with the parents to plug these gaps with private tutoring. I understand why they do it and would consider the same in their shoes.

I don't think my DC would cope with doing a full day at school, then lots of private tutoring. It would mean enrichment opportunities and social time gets reduced and they're important to me as a parent.

We won't be able to afford private but I understand why some families decide if they have the money they'd rather pay to have a productive school day and keep out of school for hobbies, friends and family.

I went to a state school in another country and assumed my kids would too. My husband went to boarding school.
I also assumed that your kids went to the nearest state school to where you lived, as it is where I went. But no! Not in England! And certainly not in the London borough we lived in. We applied to our for nearest ( one being a religious school). My son didn't get in to any of them but was offered a place across the borough that was rated adequate (as opposed to the rated'excellent' and one 'good' that we listed).
Luckily we could afford private so that's where he went (after a scramble as all the ones nearest practically laughed when we enquired). It was a non selective 'alternative' school. My daughter followed.
When I later moved after my husband passed away, the state schools were poor, so they continued at private.
If the state schools are good then I really don't see the point of going private. It might be a factor if you think a child needs the extra attention and smaller class sizes, as they tend to have a standard they don't let them sink below, but there are variables in quality of privates as much as state.

@LolaSmiles certainly in London it's again quite normal to top up private school with tuition.

@TheOutlaws I totally agree, it's very much dependent where you are . In all honesty we really couldn't afford private too, but did it age 11- 14- I don't regret it as it gave him confidence and a good kick up the backside ( we did state boarding school - so not exactly private but felt like it)

If I can just say the Oxford Uni young men (mainly doing MAs ) were just terrific young men too and I think really helped my son .

I think it depends on the child and the family as a whole.

For an average ability child and/or a kid who is lacking in the ability to self motivate, I think it probably offers some advantages. Likewise for parents who don't have the time or the inclination to fill in the gaps themselves with ferrying kids to extracurricular activities etc.

For a bright child with a bit of drive and willing parents, I think it's a very poor investment, personally. I went to a state school and chose to send my dd to a state school because we didn't think private was worth it. However, I know a lot of privately educated people through work/uni etc and a lot of people who have sent their kids to private schools. I genuinely see no advantages - as a group, they are not any happier, better educated or more successful than my friends who went to state schools. Same with our dc - their kids are lovely but I don't see anything that my dc is missing out on. Literally nothing at all.

@LolaSmilescertainly in London it's again quite normal to top up private school with tuition.
I don't doubt it. If the people we've met with experience of the London system are representative then the whole system sounds very pressurised for everyone if you're in a strong state or a private school.

Whereas in some state schools, even good ones in my area, the children haven't had a qualified or specialist maths teacher for some years of their secondary education or they've had supply for half their GCSEs so understandably parents are concerned.

I'm on summer holidays now and have parents asking me about tutoring for next year and some parents of KS3 students have asked how early they'd need to start tuition with me to ensure they are in for GCSE.

That Scottish article is very interesting and resonates. My experience is that when you look at the top of many organisations you find the top layer is a public school lock out (except for people who have set up their own business). My DH is struggling to break through this and it’s very frustrating. We chose private for our DC for many reasons (SEN, lack of stupid testing/Ofsted pressure, lack of good state options) but honestly part of the secret reason for me is I don’t want our kids to feel locked out of work/some parts of society because they didn’t go to a public school. I know there is plenty of inverse snobbery about too, but I think it’s easier to navigate that than the other way round.

Now that we’re several years into the public school thing I do appreciate the opportunities and facilities that they get there too - it is crazy, they get so much more during the school day, and we don’t have to run around doing extra stuff. It feel really unfair to me, for instance they do sport to a level at age 7 that DH & I didn’t get til 11 at state school (even when state schools were better funded) so of course they will be better/more advanced than state school kids. It also has a very nice, kind ethos and parents get listened to. I’m grateful we can sends ours there at the moment and sad that this isn’t available to everyone.

@Wellexactly DD started Yr7 private after state until then. The biggest difference was how far ahead in sports the kids who had been to prep were. At state primary she just hadn't had the intense focus on skills in a wide range of sport that they did. She struggles in the ball games but thankfully is excelling in running now she has a specialist teacher at private so doesn't feel excluded when it comes to games.
She is also much fitter overall as they do games practically every day, in every weather!

As PPs have said - it depends on the child, the local state provision and the local independent provision.

My boss and wife - who are considerably better off than us - sent all 3 of theirs to the decent local state school. Their kids are all very academic, very sporty and very driven. They all did brilliantly and have since graduated from top unis, including Oxford and Cambridge - have great jobs and are as confident and polished as any privately educated kids. They were lucky in that the wife was able to stay home and run them to all the after school clubs, meet ups etc. She was happy to do that and the cost of giving up her salary was less than 3 sets of school fees.

My kids are at private school because my elder DD is ND. We went state primary - lovely school but underfunded and ill equipped to support her. She failed her SATs and left with really low confidence as the the school was oriented around academic achievement (constant cuts to sporting and creative programmes). Our local state is a massive comp with similar funding issues so we sent her to a non-selective indy with great sport, drama, arts and music programmes. It's been a massive stretch for us but she's going back in to Y11 and has thrived. She's still not academic but will do ok in those subjects because of the support they have been able to provide. But it's the confidence she has gained because the things she excels in are equally lauded that really makes it worth it.

I have lots of friends whose kids are at or were at the local comp who have done really well. My DS is now going into Y8 at another local private. Felt we had to really in the name of equality. Camping holidays and old banger cars for us! Whereas friends with kids doing well at state schools can afford other luxuries in life.

DD and DS both have long days (8-6 3 days, 8-4:30 other) during which they do all of their extra-curricular (of which there is an incredible range) and their homework with assistance if required. Their schools are 10 mins away so once they are home they are done. As DD has got older I have really appreciated how fit and entertained this keeps her. Great for working parents - but the long holidays are tricky.

It's absolutely been worth it for DD. And for DS - bright but lazy - it may keep him better on track but I think he'd have been ok anywhere.

Although it has been worth it for DD - she is envious of the large friendship groups that generate from local school - 270 kids who all live in catchment vs 75 kids who live all over the place (including abroad). Lots to consider but your DS is only 5.

You need to factor in the time it will take to provide state + tutoring + enrichment. Private schools do sport + music + art + drama more than once a week (at DDs school sport is every day, drama 3 times a week, art twice a week, singing 4 times a week) all within the 8.30am-5pm school day.

Of course a key difference is that a state school day is not typically 8.30-5 (my DC's school is 8.30-3pm. And by secondary school age they can access at least some extra curricular activities themselves, so it's not a case of parents facilitating all of it.

Plus, I'd argue that there are positives in doing at least some activities away from the small bubble of people that you go to school with.

Plus not every DC will want sport, drama, art ...

They can only access stuff if they can get there though. My kids are secondary age, but we have no public transport and there is literally nothing they could access without us driving them there.

@redskytwonight no but if both parents work full time then they won't be able to support their kids until after work finishes. It really does all come down to location. We are rural so 12 Yr old DD wouldn't be able to get herself to any extra-curricular stuff under her own steam as no buses/public transport. By going private she is home by 6pm with nothing apart from her prep to do but has fitted into her day: sports, music, drama etc etc so as parents we can also come home and spend quality family time together rather than rushing around in the car dropping her off/picking her up at various clubs/activities.

As has already been said, it is all down to person circumstances.

We looked at state and private primaries before making a decision.

Of the private ones we looked at, one I really did not like for several reasons. We would never have sent our child there.

The state primaries that we looked at were ok, but the level of noise and disruption in the classrooms put us off.

In the end, the prep school that we chose was an easy decision. We absolutely loved it. Small class sizes, no disruption or excessive classroom noise, a big focus on good manners and working hard, a varied curriculum, big focus on sport, great after schools and holiday provision.

It was the right fit for us. Yes it's expensive but worth it.