Moving children from private to state education

[GreenL6]

I've made three posts and accidentally deleted them. This is short...
I'm heartbroken but have to seriously consider taking children out of private school to state. They've been there since nursery and now high school age.
Any positives? Good experiences?
I would do anything to keep them there but every option not viable for one reason or another!
Bursary also not helpful, said max help 10% if accepted and terms notice to leave said in a very matter of fact way, no skin off our nose, goodbye when you say.
Cried so much thinking of what I can do but it's just seeming impossible.

I had to change schools due to parent financial circumstances. From private to state in my teens. It was really difficult. State school wasn’t the problem though. It was my parents lack of honesty about the situation and not helping me have a way to explain my move to my old friends and my new ones. Be honest with your children. Talk to them about how they can talk about the school move to friends old and new. Don’t leave them to try and make sense of it and navigate the change by themselves.

Stop being so hard on yourself. Just know that there are lots and lots of very successful and happy people who have been educated at state schools. Your children could be too. You won't have to sell your house, they will make friends for life and you might too.

I get it, mine are all in state school but the thought of uprooting them now is awful. I love their school and their friends.

I think the finance skews peoples empathy, it is hard moving school when you are a teen, be that private to state, or because you move areas.

However, challenges can be the making of people, they already have had a good start.

Practicalities, when does the new school start GCSEs, is there a sports/drama/other Clun nearby that has children from the new school that they could join sooner?

Why?

My DC moved from an okay but not great private school to a lovely state school at that age. Fantastic move. Made lovely friends and upped their game academically. This was not for financial reasons - it was based on what we thought was the best school. One issue was that the private school was small, with small class sizes. We wanted somewhere bigger where DC could be challenged and stretch their wings.
There was some consternation from the private school - some people in the private sector (parents and teachers) are very prejudiced against the state system. There's an assumption from some that once in the private system no-one would ever move to the state system. That makes no sense to me.
And with all the money you save, you'll be able to offer great extra-curricular opportunities.

I don’t know much about private schools but I’d there anyway they could stay until the end of the summer term?
I am sure they will be fine at state school, be honest with them and treat this a family journey you are all embarking on.

I’m assuming you live in a relatively nice area so are the state schools even that bad near you?

I moved DS and it was the best decision I made. He has some SEN and the support is so much better in state school. He's become less shy, he has friends within walking distance now, and the teaching is better! The only thing I regret is the lack of school sport. DS is too shy to do out of school sports clubs. At him former school, they did 2 hours per day and he was excelling at athletics. Now, he's not doing anything because sport isnt a priority at school (no extracurricular clubs). But overall he's happier.

The lack of school fee stress means I'm more relaxed, which means a more harmonious home.

How old are they all?

Any scope to keep any in GCSE or A level years in private to finish their courses?

They'll be fine in state. Likely get better teaching and if they're in top sets will do well.

I am sorry that so many people are being so unsympathetic op. I think it is really nasty. Of course you are worried for them. I would be really upset about it too in your shoes. Not because a state education is the end of the world, it is not, I had one and I got a great education, but because it is such a massive upheaval and will be not at all what they expected. It will be hard for them and I don't understand how anyone cannot see how upsetting it is for any teenager to be uprooted like that.

I have no experience of this, or useful advice, but feel that if they have a solid home life to give them stability and security and parents invested in their education, they do have a solid grounding for academic success regardless of the setting.

Op I'm not in your boat but I can understand it; my eldest is the first in my family to not go to private school (and DH boarded from 8, just to set our context). I really did a lot of research and thinking when we were applying for schools. He's now in year 8 at an 750-pupil state school and flying. He's got a southern /'posh' accent and we're in a middling northern town. He doesn't get bullied, he was voted class rep on the school council. He has very much found his tribe and some really lovely mates. The absolute most important thing for me was that the school has a sixth form and their GCSE options are actual GCSEs rather than btecs. Check if key stage 3 teachers also teach A Levels, it makes a difference. Obviously your kids moving school of any nature will be a challenge.

I'd say state schools possibly have less in the way of some sports, like cricket due to lack of facilities like nets, but do have a good range of after school clubs & societies. Our son has started Cadets (out of school) and loves that too. He said he was chatting to a friend who is at private and they actually worked out that he does more lesson/learning hours than the private kid.

I do get that it's a very hard decision to make but if researched & handled well, it'll be fine.

Absolutely. State schools all the way for my children. It pisses me off when state schools are slated. I love that my children attend state schools, which have brilliant, committed teachers. My daughter is doing really well at hers.

Sorry you’re having to make this decision, but they’ll be OK.

93% of children in this country go to state schools. There are outstanding state schools in this country.

I have many brilliant teacher colleagues who, when they were younger, did private tutoring for private school kids. It was mind blowing to me that parents would pay fees and then pay additional money for tuition when if they had sent their kids to my school they would have had the teachers they were paying as tutors for free.

They'll be fine, I've been to all girls state, all girls private (yr9 only put there for bullying left as dad was made redundant) moved to mixed state, then boys grammar for 6th form - now a Dr. Grammar education was a billion times better than private any day

I'm a teacher in the state sector and we get a few pupils every year coming from private schools. They settle just fine.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Yes but when that's where they've been it's a big deal to change their world completely! Can't you understand that?

Very, very gently - I think you need to try to reframe how you think about this. It's not their complete world. It's their school, and lots of kids change schools.

You are their world. You don't have experience of the state sector as a parent, and I think it's become a bit of a grim
bogeyman in your head. It's certainly not 'another world' - and there will be pluses and minuses to both. In a larger and more diverse environment, there are more ways for your kids to find their own tribe, for a start - my own experience of private education (primary and secondary) was that smaller class sizes and less diversity encouraged conformity, and the punishments for those who didn't conform were harsh.

I loved my school, and my school friends, and always assumed I'd send my kids private but having just chosen a secondary for my own eldest I massively surprised myself.

The facilities at the private schools were (mostly) better (one or two surprisingly not quite all that) and by and large the kids had slightly more polish. And we looked round a few state secondaries that I hated, but two I really liked and that DS1 loved. He's so excited by the opportunities it offers, some of which aren't on offer at the £25k a year private options we looked at, and the huge enthusiasm of the staff members he spoke to, and the school's general ethos to education.

I get that you're devastated right now. You've obviously had a huge and very negative upheaval, and I suspect some of this is playing out here. Changing schools is going to be tough for your kids, and if it's doable it may be worth looking at options slightly further afield for a cleaner break?

But look at the schools with an open mind. Some of the buildings will be old and tatty, but that really doesn't matter. Listen to the staff and the kids. Trawl their website for the extracurricular stuff your kids will be enthused by, and use that as a selling point. Our comp has a brilliant performing arts programme and its students have performed at the National Theatre more than once, for example. It massively sparked DS1's imagination and he's so enthusiastic about what's on offer at the school (also caught his interest: rock school, Marvel film club, chess club, language trips to France and Canada, great basketball team.)

You've given your kids a good start that will set them up for whatever comes their way next. Doing their GCSEs and A levels in the state sector will, all things being equal and their commitment to education, stand them in good stead for university admissions. Good luck to you and them.

My sister wasn’t accepted. She had a truly awful time. This is not helpful to the OP, but it’s true. Kids aren’t known for their kindness to difference.

Also look at clubs outside of school. My DC went to the local comprehensive and played tennis at the local tennis club, badminton a few miles away and one was in our village football team and the other did drama at a drama school that rented the local primary school hall a couple of evenings a week.

Keep them there until the end of the academic year.

Ask the family you’re staying local to for help financially.

I've stopped lurking and actually rediscovered my account for this. I was that child year 9 had to leave private school for state as my mums business went down. She was totally gutted, I recognise your words as to exactly how she felt. I was nervous to join a state school, worried I'd be hated for coming from a private school. I was sad that, as you said, my school didn't offer any support. It was a very early lesson into understanding we are just stock items, at school and work.

I started the new school, having given my mum some shit about how it's only 2 years, no issue if no one speaks to me etc, I was nervous. BUT it was brilliant, best thing that happened to me, better diversity, great teachers, more subjects and I had a blast. Taught me so much. In hindsight having experienced both education sectors taught me so much more than I could have imagined, stood me in good sted for life.

I also had double the amount of friends. Went to a great college and uni and have a great career.

And I'm so bloody proud of how hard my mum worked to keep a roof over our heads. It wasn't easy, we sometimes paid for food with coppers found around the house. She sold everything she could, and we are still a great team.

So, go easy on yourself. Your kids will be fine, they need family and love and will always know how much you want to give them in life

It depends on your DCs, your attitude and the schools tbh.

I have three friends (different schools and different reasons) who moved their DCs from private to state.

Two boys loved the change and really thrived - went to a large busy state high school. One (boy) went to smaller state high school but really welcomed the escape from the hothouse atmosphere of the private school. The other family - two girls - one of the DCs wanted to move to state and the other wanted to stay in private - so that's what they did. The family could afford one set of fees. Both DCs were happy.

Op, I really feel for you. This sounds really difficult. Children see resilient and will adapt. Try and visit schools nearby, etc.

i know they’ve to move now but the foundation that the education has established in them will not be for nothing.
Wishing you all the best