Moving children from private to state education

[GreenL6]

I've made three posts and accidentally deleted them. This is short...
I'm heartbroken but have to seriously consider taking children out of private school to state. They've been there since nursery and now high school age.
Any positives? Good experiences?
I would do anything to keep them there but every option not viable for one reason or another!
Bursary also not helpful, said max help 10% if accepted and terms notice to leave said in a very matter of fact way, no skin off our nose, goodbye when you say.
Cried so much thinking of what I can do but it's just seeming impossible.

On a practical note, moving in Yr9 means you need to look at when the schools you are considering start gcse. Some start in Yr9, others in yr10. Those that start in yr10 would give your children a time to settle before choosing options and starting exam courses.

Well until you have looked you can't really comment -its emotional not factual. Regards subjects what cant they do at state other than Latin. Im a Governor at a state school. We have loads of kids going to red brick Unis and getting Oxbridge etc

I can understand why you are upset OP in terms of disruption of friendships etc leaving a community. It will be fine though. Personally having done in year admissions twice for my son I think you are in a good position. They don’t have to move til Easter but they CAN. So you have a chance to put them on a waiting list for your first choice school then move them prior to Easter when a place comes up.

Lots of state schools do Latin- primary and secondary- it is quite in fashion.

Seeing old private school friends in the town, not being accepted by them …

They’ve been friends with your DC since nursery - and they’re that shallow? Why would you even see that as aspirational …?

Home educate? Then the poor lambs won't have to mix with the great unwashed too often.

@OldMotherShipton not putting Latin down at all, was just wondering what subjects OP thought her kids couldnt do at State, that they could at Private. The only one that came to mind was Latin. Ours doesn't offer that or Clasics but does offer everything else.

That's really unfair, I don't want to uproot them at such a pivotal time. We all put our children first and it's heartbreaking I can't finish this for them. They're lovely children, cutting of hair for cancer charities, raising money and are kind to all. If you've nothing nice to say, don't say it as this is a very stressful time for me.

Are you aware 94% of UK children attend state schools and around 6% go to private, does that means all of those 94% are doomed? Such a joke, this thread is unfortunately.

Ah plenty of people 'with money' send their children to state schools.

Op I moved from private to state in the middle of year 8.

It wasn’t ideal, but I was fine. My parents made an effort to get me to make friends in the community where the school was so I’d know lots of other kids. It worked.

It is different. You feel the difference in facilities, but not much more.

Honestly, they’ll be ok.

Thank you! I'm glad it was ok for you and just hoping it'll be ok for them.
Take care x

Worried about them and also going to local high from local private. Seeing old private school friends in the town, not being accepted by them and also not being accepted by the local high school pupils. Feeling like not belonging in either place. I know how that feels due to moving schools and it's just awful!

This does happen. Saw it happen to children who left during my children's school days. Out of sight, out of mind. Little by little old friends will fade away and there will be fewer invitations to overnights, outings, etc. If you are lucky they may make friends in the new school. If you are really lucky, they will be friends you like.
I mortgaged my house to put my two oldest through Private.
(In 6th grade DD2 begged to be transferred to public school because of their really great gymnastics team. Against my better judgement, I did it. She had a wonderful year sportswise and academically but her gymnastics teammate and new best friend turned up pregnant at age 13, I put her right back in private with DD1.)

We moved DD out of a newish private school as it wasn’t working out for her and into our local one with very small class numbers when she was about 11.

from an education point of view, I believe she had the basics very well covered at junior level from the small private prep campus she had attended, although I felt one or two teachers at the local one left a lot to be desired, but they quickly moved on from that school.

from a social point of view, she made local friends quickly and attended sleep overs etc which she hadn’t been asked to attend at the private school (sep. school from the prep campus).

Some of the school equestrian mothers at the public school were complete nobs compared to those at the private one where attendance on any old hack representing the school was welcomed.

long term she did well at university and works for an international company, which has provided international travel to visit their factories and her o/s workplace peers.

a lot has to do with what you and the DC make of it as well of course checking out all the local ish options. Some are better than others simply because of the management of the school and it’s teachers…

Yes but when that's where they've been it's a big deal to change their world completely! Can't you understand that?
Thanks for your helpful comment. It doesn't help.

Those qualities you describe will then stand them in good stead OP !

Lastly and going to sign off on this thread for a bit, the more agitated you are about this the harder it will be for them.

Mine went from state to private but if i couldn't afford it at any point I wouldn't feel bad - you've paid for many years of a great school experience for them, and that is not lost. It is helpful that they won't be at a private school if they want to go on to university from an admissions pov.

You can only do what you can, when you can as a parent and paying for private school is the first thing I'd cut too if I had to because they will be fine now.

We did it, moved end of year 9 from private to state.
Pm me by all means, daughter has just started college so 2 and a bit years ago we made the move.

I hope something turns up! I can't bear the thought of turning their world upside down for 2 years! Planned a college for a-levels really. Just want to give them the best start. I have failed!

How much of a shortfall do you have ? Is their father contributing any parental help ?

I wasn't joking. Home education is a perfectly valid option.
They're kids, they adapt. The main thing is your parenting- if you have a good, honest, open relationship with them and are interested in their lives they should handle the transition ok (and maybe you need to get some perspective here- they're moving schools, not into a war zone!)

I don't say anything to them, they know things getting bit tough but I'm obviously behaving like a parent to them. I have to vent somewhere. Went out last weekend for dog walk and they wanted to do homework, I walked up the mountain and cried the rain. I have to do it somewhere!
Really wish I hadn't posted feel worse than before.

Your children have the most important thing- a parent who’s got their back and will support them through everything.
Good luck op, and be kind to yourself. You are doing your best. 🌺

I work in a large state secondary. Very unlikely your children will 'not be accepted' by the local high school children. There's lots of really, really nice children at state schools - they just don't all have wealthy parents! And if the old private school friends don't accept them, then what does that say about the old private school friends?! Truth is, children's friendships tend to fade when they don't see each other regularly i.e., at school, so the private school friendships may well drop off anyway, unless they live in the same road as you for example.

We have had children join our school from private school for much the same reasons, and some join because of bullying at private schools believe it or not, and all are fine. Children find their own 'tribe' so the troublemakers tend to hang out together, while the well-behaved ones do too.

Yours will be fine.