Moving children from private to state education

[GreenL6]

I've made three posts and accidentally deleted them. This is short...
I'm heartbroken but have to seriously consider taking children out of private school to state. They've been there since nursery and now high school age.
Any positives? Good experiences?
I would do anything to keep them there but every option not viable for one reason or another!
Bursary also not helpful, said max help 10% if accepted and terms notice to leave said in a very matter of fact way, no skin off our nose, goodbye when you say.
Cried so much thinking of what I can do but it's just seeming impossible.

They moved in secondary school. Other than extra curricular and established friendship groups what are you worried about? Are you for example worried about what people might think of you for having removed them or are you worried about their resilience in terms of making a new start?

Please do not do this OP. owning your own home will provide far more security for your children than renting.

Your children will learn some resilience and will have had the benefit of both state and private education. It would be the same if you had to move schools because you were moving city for some reason - change of friends etc. It is not an exam year for either of them so they will have a chance to settle. It is hard to uproot children for any reason but it will be OK

That's not helpful but thanks.

Personally if there is any way you're able I would leave the year 8 kid till the end if the year. Its one more term. then they will move to senior school where lots will join. It will be way easier to make friends with more new joiners. Otherwise changing schools twice in 2 terms?

Selling your house??? What madness. Genuinely, why don't you check out the numbers of brilliant state school educated children who go to Russell Group Universities? Why do you think private education is so much better?

I've tried to get a job there but not a lot of movement sadly. The staff's children get 50% discount and some more. Thank you!

OP, you aren't answering the basic questions. Which bits are you worried about other than people judging and friendship groups plus extra curricular? Have you got decent state schools near you or Grammars?

For goodness sake don't sell your house to psy school fees. I'm absolutely certain your children would rather keep their home than their place in a private school.

Did you go to private school too OP? In the kindest possible way, you seem overly worried about your children attending state schools.

The majority of the population attend state schools and manage just fine. A lot do very well in fact.

If your children have a good attitude to learning I'm sure they will continue to do well. In fact they may well receive a more rounded education for the change.

Many children move to new Secondary Schools at year 7 and manage to settle and make new friends. Yes, yours are a little older but a move in year 8 and 9 is better than a move in year 10 when GCSE options have started.

Take this time now to look at your state options and visit the schools local to you. I imagine you must be going through a stressful time right now so an unnecessary level of worry about leaving private education isn't what you need.

Worried about them and also going to local high from local private. Seeing old private school friends in the town, not being accepted by them and also not being accepted by the local high school pupils. Feeling like not belonging in either place. I know how that feels due to moving schools and it's just awful!

I completely hear you I did my sons schooling and had some really hairy moments it was tense at times. What had happened to make this decision now ? I did have an amazing prep head who when I needed time he gave it to me and said he believed in me getting it sorted sad to hear that’s not the case with you. So what has happened now to enforce change ? What about the local state schools ? Are they good ? How much of a shortfall do you have ?

Our state and private school very nearby, I worry they won't belong in either camp. Not accepted by state and then washed hands of by private.
Plus the facilities the private schools have that they use and won't be available. Also options as they do subjects not available to them.

Oh no they might end up like me, state comprehensive, AAA, Oxbridge, loads of great extra curricular stuff, however I did stop learning an instrument at grade V and I think the ski trip was somewhere a bit naff tho 😬😬😬

@GreenL6 I mean this kindly. Dont project your experiences on them. The existing friends would be a fickle bunch to dump your kids because of a change of schools wouldn't they? They won't be judged when they move schools, they are just new kids going in? Im assuming that people you mix with are not all from Private schools. Have you got some decent state or grammar near you?

I am stressed and if honest a mess at the moment but will pull it together.
I went to a girls' grammar!

Children will seek ‘their’ group and will find friends like themselves into the same things and enjoy the same sports/clubs

It isn’t the end of the world and it isn’t a failure! I wonder if this stems from your own thoughts on secondary schools? Have you been and looked?

Either camp? What on earth....................

Would your own children disown their friends for moving to a state school? If not, why would their friends? If they would judge their friends for moving to state it's probably a good thing to move them to get an idea of the 'other side'.

I've not looked in person at any other school yet. I know lots of options will be a problem in terms of subjects.

Where is their father are you still together ? Can you keep them there until the end of this year ? Two terms ?

Please do not make your financial situation worse by remortgaging etc. Private school is ultimately a way of having it slightly nicer. You get to rub shoulders with people with money. Your kids do not have to cope with people less fortunate and get smaller classes. You get more deference from staff. Can you live without this? Yes. Can your kids? Yes. Your kids will make new friends. They will be fine.

No they wouldn't! My one is very sensitive and feels worse for them in many ways than the other of that makes sense. Small classes real help. Worry they'll be lost!

What's the financial change to your circumstances?

What are your state options? Can you say the area? I wont sugar coat it, state school from private is more challenging however it does help to prepare children for the wider world. Think of the positives, no financial worries and the dc will be more rounded. If their friends ignore them then they weretrue friends.. harsh lesson but an invaluable one

I think it's a shame the school hasn't been more helpful. Although I assume they have had a list of your assets and they judge you don't qualify for a bursary. Unless you are in a very expensive house I wouldn't dream of selling as there are costs to buy & sell.

OP - try to be positive if you can. And don't blame yourself.

Positives:
-kids will have experience of being with a broad social demographic
-better to have to move now than during GCSEs
-more money with not paying fees for fun and tutors/extra-curricular activities if necessary

Choose the future school wisely. This will be extremely hard on your kids. That’s not to worsen your feelings, it’s just how it will be. It will be dropping them into an environment where they may be singled out and bullied for being posh/different, so make sure the school suits them. They need to stroll in confident.