Moving children from private to state education

[GreenL6]

I've made three posts and accidentally deleted them. This is short...
I'm heartbroken but have to seriously consider taking children out of private school to state. They've been there since nursery and now high school age.
Any positives? Good experiences?
I would do anything to keep them there but every option not viable for one reason or another!
Bursary also not helpful, said max help 10% if accepted and terms notice to leave said in a very matter of fact way, no skin off our nose, goodbye when you say.
Cried so much thinking of what I can do but it's just seeming impossible.

I was thinking about you last night and I decided that your children might well end up feeling very grateful you were forced in to this move. Someone was telling me yesterday about a girl whose parents are disgruntled that she didn’t get a job at Delloite’s because she was seen as too entitled (they got unofficial feedback via someone who works there who subtly found out.) The university application process is in a state of flux. Also society is changing rapidly and idiots like Boris and Jacob Rm are giving private schools a bad rap even though most DC don’t get near the pearly gates of Eton.

Thank you all for your comments. We're investigating options.

Thanks for the message. This job info is unfair as discrimination. It should just be the best person for the job regardless of education. Maybe applications should take out exact school names?

@GreenL6 I didn’t say it was because they went to private school but because they came across as entitled. Which is what some private schools instill (this air about someone used to be perceived as ‘confidence’ but is seen slightly differently in 2022 I think.)

What a weird message.

Without going into too much detail. The DC are going to stay at school and it'll be a very tough few years but we've worked something out!

To be fair, people can come across entitled without going to private school. Some people are just not pleasant. That goes across the board.

good Yo hear you have a plan you can work with Green. Wishing you all the best.

Thank you! It won't be easy but hopefully worth it.

Thank you for all the messages and advice.

Agree there’s plenty of ‘entitled’ attitudes at all types of school. Glad you are happy with your decision.

Word of advice: don’t let your children know about these financial decisions. There is a mum I know who goes on and on about how she ‘wasted’ her money on her first son. Second son went to a comprehensive (as they couldn’t afford it again) and unfortunately for the first son, the second son did academically better. I feel for the first son as although he ‘messed about’ (according to his mum) she is very bitter. I hope their relationship will recover but it was her choice he went there. So what I am saying is that there should not be pressure/repercussions on children for the decisions their parents’ make.

Good luck OP - we were in your position once and managed to keep DC at their school. Some days i know it was the right thing to do, other days I think ‘what if’ about the money.

You’ve faced it now and of it happens again you’ll know you’ll be okay.

No absolutely. They have no idea what has been going on either so not stressed about it. I am just pleased that we can keep them where they are for the next few years.

@GreenL6 I've been in your position and it was very hard going at times, but was worth it not to disrupt the DC. I'm very glad you've worked something out.

You say you’ve worked something out, and you seem comfortable with that. But having “a tough few years” purely to avoid children moving schools is extreme, and unlikely to be worth it in the long term.

People move house/job/town all the time and children adapt. Making the whole family suffer a difficult few years purely to avoid a school change may not be the best option.

Just make sure you’ve been open minded, and not overly focussed on staying where they are at all costs.

I am really pleased for you that you have managed to work something out op.

Thank you! I'm so relieved that their world will stay the same. After GCSEs it'll have to be a sixth form college or school but at least the major part is done and no disruption at such a pivotal time.

Thank you! It's welcome relief. Let's face it, children come first and we'll all move heaven and earth for them.

They're so happy where there are and it's such an important age it has been the focus. Keeping them where they are is a price worth paying. After GCSEs then it's a college elsewhere but many move on then so more natural. Thank you!

I totally get you. We have just had to do this as well. My son has been going to a private school/nursery since he was 15 months old. Now at year 6 we have had to take him out due to financial reasons. It has been devastating for him. Having lost everything he knows to be his normal life, friends, teachers, the clubs, courses, activities, brilliant school building, amazing theater where weekly assembly and dramas were held, also all the resources that are available to him. Obviously it all came at a cost and we paid top dollar for it but it was none the less what our kids got used to. What people don’t understand is that it is a huge huge transition. The difference between private and state schools in huge and for young kids it is very hard to adjust, “kids are resilient they say” no they aren’t resilient they just don’t have a choice and have to adapt, some of them are verbal and talk about their feelings and others keep it in and suffer quietly. That is my son, he isn’t saying much but his face and eyes say it all. I hope it gets easier for his little heart.

@Meea007 he’ll be fine most people go to a state school.

Well I agree that moving schools can hit kids really hard, when it isn't at normal transition time, whether state or private. Hope he starts to find his groove Meea007

Hiya

my kids are in the same situation. We are all very anxious and going through an emotional process. Private schools unfortunately are not very sympathetic.

how was your transition go can you please let me know your experience and what did you do to make the process smoother for your kids?

your suggestion would be greatly appreciated.

thank you

Sorry @GreenL6 I can only imagine how hard this is. It's one of the reasons I didnt start the journey.

Can you afford to keep one in there? That wouldbe tricky to navigate but I know parents who have done so based on the need of the child.

Can you rent your property and rent out somewhere else that is cheaper so you have more disposable income each month?

Credit card? forgo any holidays? sell car?

Thankfully we have found a way to keep going for the next couple of years but it's not easy. Fees going up all the time too!
We have a plan to get through but would never have started this private school journey knowing what I know now. Hindsight is 20/20 I suppose!