How can I change my daughters mind? - I do nor want her to go to single sex school

[acca2017]

My daughter is 10 years old and we are planning to move her private secondary in year 7. She currently in state primary and doing really well. We visited schools near us this year to have an idea. We were always thinking a coed secondary for her but after visiting single sex schools (girls only) she would like to go there but that wasnt my plan. We visited St Dunstands, Colfes and Blackheath High School so far, unfortunately we couldn't attend Bromley High's open day. I only wanted to view the girls only schools in case if she can not have a offer from any coed schools we can have more options/chances. We didnt want to put all our eggs in to one egg but now my daughter says she really liked the girls only school environment etc... I am trying to change her mind since December last year but she is so straight forward. When we visited girls only school... a year 10 girl showed us around which was really kind, smart and intelligent. She talked a lot about girls only school advantages etc...- maybe thats the reason she would like to go there. I told her that I want her to be in one of coed schools and now she says she will do bad in the coed school exams so that she will need to go to girls only school. She is really bright, hard worker, smart child which is way above avarege. Me and her teachers belives that she will good in 11+ but now I am not sure how she will do in exams. I am not from UK so I do no have any experience in single sex school environment and none of my relatives attended so far, so, I am not sure what is the advantages and disadvantages. There are articles online which shows taht girls do better in all female environment but I think coed is really life, its sounds more normal to me. Am I wrong?

P.S: changed subject and copy and pasted here as nobody responded x

Maybe the women who have had these issues have had their own problems eg ADHD, Aspergers or simply were unlucky. I was at school with a girl who had undiagnosed autism (she's a good friend of mine now & has a diagnosis). However because she looked the same as the rest of the girls & they couldn't figure out how she was different, she just was they bullied her no end. It was awful, school didn't do anything as far as they could see she didn't have a hidden disability, the girls just got a ticking off.... Horrific looking back, this was 25 years ago...

So refreshing to read a OP actually paying attention to the responses rather than looking to validate her own views.

I have a wonderful bunch of friends now, all of us mid 40s would die in a ditch for each other, kids growing up, divorces etc. and I am definitely the most confident of all of them. I am the only one to have gone to a single sex school.

This has also been important for me to read because we are considering applying to a single sex grammar for DD1 (unusual choice where I live) and she is getting cold feet, I think because of the dear of failing the 11plus. I was wondering if she felt under too much pressure but this thread has been so interesting.

If you’re still finding this a problem as an adult, that suggests the issue might be you, not other women.

Or perhaps the experience of being bullied by girls at secondary school has so damaged your self-confidence and ability to trust women that you find it almost impossible to make friendships??? But if it makes you feel better, BobinHood, I worry Every. Single. Day of my life that there is something wrong with me and that there is some deep flaw in my character that only women can see. So thanks for helping me feel better about myself.

Whilst I think some of the comments on here are insulting and deeply unpleasant (to paraphrase the gist: i had a brilliant time at SS school so any other viewpoint is wrong) I have found this thread to be v helpful. I think one can draw the conclusion that more girls have had positive experiences at SS than negative, which has actually made me feel better about my DD going to SS rather than co-ed. I was deeply nervous about it because of the experience I had so I do appreciate the positive, constructive comments.

Are you quite well?

It's certainly not nice for me to have been forcibly groped and the subject of an attempted rape by the time I was 12, never mind the further assaults through the rest of secondary.

But hey, learning experience for the world outside, I guess....

@acca2017 To (try to) answer your second question: it depends on your child. The very top academically selective schools on the whole get good results because they take the brightest (by their selection criteria, that is) pupils and teach them fantastically well. It's a pretty good formula. However, it doesn't suit all children - one of mine, who isn't particularly academic, went to a non-selective girls' independent school and it has worked very well for her. She happens to have done well academically, but that's partly because it's a smaller and more 'nurturing' school - she'd have done less well at an academically selective super-powered type of school. My other DC have been down the academically selective single sex route, and it has been fantastic for them.

@EstoPerpetua thanks for your respond. I went to super selective secondary school and I hated it. I used to like my teachers and friends but it was so stressful atmosphere. I have to give up all my after school clubs etc. I had to do homework for 1 and half every day and I remember I never felt I was bright even when i was getting A because majority of my friends was getting A*. My daughter is in state school now and one of the best in her class. She feels so proud of herself because of that and all her teachers says she can easily go to local selective independent school but I am so confused about this and not sure what we need to do

What do you mean, Are you quite well?

Why wouldn’t I be well.

Did you ask because you think anyone who has a different experience or different opinion to you must be ill.

Not every SS school is selective or private. We have girls and boys state school in our town and neither is selective. The girls school gives the local girls grammar school a run for it’s money in the league tables too.

No, they're not all. We've got one girls' and one boys' secondary modern near us (though one is about to go co-ed). But I don't think there are many of them. What's weirder to me is just how many of the grammars are SS. We've got 8 near us, and not one of them is co-ed.

meanwhile is anyone knows about GDST schools? Are they good?

I worked at a GDST school for years. It was an absolutely wonderful school in every way I can think of. I miss it (we moved away)! I have no idea what the others are like though.

Generally the GDST schools are good. There are many sporting and other events organised to involve lots of the schools, and all the girls have access to other old girls from other GDST schools when the leave which can be useful when considering different careers etc.

I went to one. It was very good.

Thank you so much for your responds ladies 🙏🏻🌸

@acca2017
Where I live, the parents of the girls overwhelmingly chose the single sex girls grammar over the co Ed one.The co Ed one was therefore not quite so full of bright DC. Neither were stressful environments. Both are outstanding schools.

Girls meet boys if they want to. School at age 11 is not work. It doesn’t have to replicate life outside school. Why should it need to? It’s a place to learn academic and other subjects. Your job is to introduce her to real life. By 16 plus she will have a good idea of boys and will have met brothers and male friends of other girls etc. They just won’t be in school.

In short, I would let her choose a school that she likes. Both my DDs chose single sex. You cannot rule out horrible DC at any school. But at a girls’ school there won’t be boys as distractions! She will get into the world of university and work soon enough.

Again, I think it's easy to evaggerate the degree to which boys are a distraction at co-ed schools and not at SS schools. There was still plenty of talk about boys and sex at my SS school. I'm sure there is at my DCs: co-ed school too. Looking at their group chats though, it's nice to see how the boys and girls just chat about general stuff together - homework, sport, pets, funny memes etc. Maybe I'm unusual, but I very much didn't get that with boys until I was much older - no brother, no hanging out with friends' brothers. Interactions with boys were minimal until sixth form, and then they were only 'Friday night' interactions. I know I've said it before, but I think what's so valuable about the co-ed experience is the mundane interaction - that everyone (boys, girls, non-binary, gay, straight, etc) are all seeing each other day in day out, doing sport, maths, lunch, chat, clubs, whatever together. Boys and girls still tend to gravitate towards separate social groups, particularly in the younger years - but they're always guaranteed lots of daily interaction with the opposite sex as well.

And yes, horrible DC can crop up anywhere. Our local girls' grammar has just been given a dreadful Ofsted report for bullying. They're definitely not all paradises.

@dasani
The one in Kent? I read about that.

I think it’s well documented girls can be more focussed on academics in girls’ schools. Boys really are available outside school! School is only 190 days a year. Get to know the boys at primary and keep them as friends.

Honestly, as a teacher who has taught both, I would not send my daughter to a co-ed school if I had the choice. Yes, co-ed is life, but your daughter has the rest of her life to live in a co-ed environment. Let her continue her school life in a boy free environment if that's what she wants, there are LOTS of advantages to it. For girls, nothing much is enhanced by the presence of boys in my experience. Girls are so much more confident in a single sex environment, they're far less stifled, and they don't need to deal with a whole bunch of rubbish that girls in co-ed schools need to deal with. I think you can guess what I mean by that. If single sex is what she wants, I see zero reasons to push co-ed on her.

There's loads of SS state comprehensives near me too. All do better academically than the co-ed state schools.

@ToadiesCouzin
That might be influenced by parental choice. The more academic girls go to SS schools so they do better then the co Ed ones.

Good point. Rather like church comprehensives getting better results. Less to do with religious people being cleverer, and more to do with people who are invested in their children's education making sure they meet the entry criteria (or wealthier parents being able to move into catchment). I suspect there might be a similar dynamic in areas with both SS and co-ed comprehensive options.