How can I change my daughters mind? - I do nor want her to go to single sex school

[acca2017]

My daughter is 10 years old and we are planning to move her private secondary in year 7. She currently in state primary and doing really well. We visited schools near us this year to have an idea. We were always thinking a coed secondary for her but after visiting single sex schools (girls only) she would like to go there but that wasnt my plan. We visited St Dunstands, Colfes and Blackheath High School so far, unfortunately we couldn't attend Bromley High's open day. I only wanted to view the girls only schools in case if she can not have a offer from any coed schools we can have more options/chances. We didnt want to put all our eggs in to one egg but now my daughter says she really liked the girls only school environment etc... I am trying to change her mind since December last year but she is so straight forward. When we visited girls only school... a year 10 girl showed us around which was really kind, smart and intelligent. She talked a lot about girls only school advantages etc...- maybe thats the reason she would like to go there. I told her that I want her to be in one of coed schools and now she says she will do bad in the coed school exams so that she will need to go to girls only school. She is really bright, hard worker, smart child which is way above avarege. Me and her teachers belives that she will good in 11+ but now I am not sure how she will do in exams. I am not from UK so I do no have any experience in single sex school environment and none of my relatives attended so far, so, I am not sure what is the advantages and disadvantages. There are articles online which shows taht girls do better in all female environment but I think coed is really life, its sounds more normal to me. Am I wrong?

P.S: changed subject and copy and pasted here as nobody responded x

I wouldn’t consider private co-ed either tbh, the issue is the boys and their impact (both from their own behaviour and the way a school’s leadership responds to) and this can be just as bad in private as in state schools, if not worse. I’ve never met a group as misogynistic as the boys from the local (co-ed) private schools I had the misfortune of being in a social circle with as a teenager.

Can I ask, are all the posters saying how awful boys and co-ed schools are parents of girls only? Or are people talking about their own sons behaviour?

Please don't generalise / tar every young male and co-ed school with the same brush!

Obviously 'NABALT' (and nobody has said they all are) but there are almost certainly enough in every co-ed school that their behaviour is quite fairly a big consideration for parents of girls.

Some of us went to mixed schools so know what boys are like. And some of us work in schools so know what boys are like. And some of us have brothers so know what boys are like.

I have a girl, she’s my priority. I’m sure my friends sons will make lovely teenagers when they are that age, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I want my daughter educated alongside them at that age when all evidence (and my own experience as a pupil and my DH’s experience as a teacher) suggests single sex is better for girls. I’m sure she’d probably be fine in a mixed school, but I don’t need to take the risk because we have an excellent state single sex option.

@Ivyy

It's not demonising individual boys to say that there is a huge, huge issue when it comes to girls facing sexual harassment in co-ed schools, in addition to research showing that their academic performance is greater in single sex schools.

It's an issue that needs tackling rather than parents of boys being defensive about.

Saying too many boys make life difficult for, and sexually harass, girls at school is not personal attack on people's sons. It's simply an uncomfortable truth that needs to be acknowledged and believed in order to be tackled and changed.

Some relevant articles:

inews.co.uk/news/uk/sexual-harassment-rife-schools-girls-dont-point-reporting-ofsted-finds-1044140

mashable.com/article/everyones-invited-sexual-harassment-school

amp.theguardian.com/education/2021/jun/10/sexual-harassment-is-a-routine-part-of-life-schoolchildren-tell-ofsted

news.sky.com/story/amp/sexual-harassment-normalised-for-children-in-schools-according-to-shocking-ofsted-report-12328954

Ninety percent of the girls and 50% of boys said that being sent unwanted explicit pictures or videos happened "a lot" or "sometimes".

Obviously not all boys, but enough boys that it is a problem.

We had a teacher quit this year they were so bad. Year 6 and 7 is always tough developmentally, but these kids had just come off a year and a half of remote schooling and they forgot how to behave in school. It got bad enough the school stopped mincing words about the problems and who was causing the problem.

A single-sex school is much better for girls. She can learn to deal with boys when she is older and has a bit more maturity to cope with them. There is so much bad behaviour with adolescent boys - why should she have to put up that? I went to an all girls' schools and if I had my time over again I'd so the same.

My friend's dd is at Bromley high. She does A LOT of extra curricular tennis and netball they are always off on tours and playing matches. She is doing well but she certainly feels pressured at the school to get exceptional grades. Newsted Woods is similar although grammar and not private.

I like single sex. Been great for my daughter.

Girls do better in single sex education, boys in mixed sex

I disagree with this. IME, both sexes do better in single sex schools.

Wow, there's a hell of a lot of demonisation of boys and adulation of girls on this thread. At my girls' grammar I was persistently despised for being a swot (in spite of it being a very high achieving school) and repeatedly called gay because I wasn't interested in boys, clothes and make up (NB I'm not and never was gay). My social life in a mixed sex circle outside school was my sanity and my lifeline. There's no way I would send my DC single sex. Even at my DCs' co-ed, the a lot of the issues are 'girl on girl'. Generally it's a very happy place, but where problems arise it's usually around girls not having the right 'look' or the right stuff - not much seems to have changed since my day, sadly. Luckily that's only a minority. Of course I'm not saying that issues don't arise with boys too, or that there isn't a problem with sexualised culture - but please could we stop pretending that girls in a SS environment live in some kind of blissful feminist commune? I've got a friend who teaches in a SS girls' school, and she says that some of the girls are utterly feral - rude, malicious, disruptive, bullying and sometimes physically violent. Of course a minority - but not a negligible one.

I have a Dd who went to a private Co Ed school and I don’t recognise what people are saying about girls getting sexually assaulted and having all these issues with boys.
Either things must have changed beyond all recognition in the last 3-4 years or it isn’t every Co Ed school

I was in and out of the care system up until this school and I will be perfectly honest. I loved being in care. For me it was a relief.
When my family would threaten to put me in care it never worked because I really wanted to be left there and it wasn’t for me a threat. It was like threatening someone with a holiday.

Nothing caring about the school otherwise it would have put a stop to the toxic bullying. It cost money to board. It wasn’t free and even then I was told I was an inconvenience.

I can’t think the magical presence of boys would have made any difference at all

The secondary modern that my friends went to, because it was co Ed it offered different subjects you could do. Much more practical skills that I would have preferred than sitting in a classroom reading and writing.

Everyone who is saying how wonderful their girls single sex school is, have your daughters ever been bullied by a group of girls every single day. Are you saying that no bullying exists in single sex schools
Girls bullying is far worse than handling boys.

Everyone who is saying how wonderful their girls single sex school is, have your daughters ever been bullied by a group of girls every single day. Are you saying that no bullying exists in single sex schools

Obviously girls are bullied by other girls in single sex schools. Girls are also bullied by other girls in mixed schools. The difference is the girls in the single sex school don’t have the other shite to put up with as well.

This was me, started secondary at 12 was also an early developer & very innocent... I remember a group of boys & one girl laughing at me... The girl came over & asked me for a tissue... I said sorry I don't have one, the boys were in tears laughing...they were telling yes you do down your bra implying I'd stuffed my bra😢 I felt so small foolish & embarrassed...

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences ladies. I feel much better right now and also I talked to my daughter that I will respect her decision. The previous new links also was so useful.

**Sorry another question for all of you… what is the advantages of selective/nonselective or academic/nonacademic. Do you think we need to consider these while we decide on school? Academic schools are top of the list in legue but is this because they picked all the academic kids or their teaching is better then nonselective or nonacademic school?

Girls didn't grope me. Girls didn't attempt to rape me.

Yes, a girl still bullied me, but aged 15, I still stood a chance of fighting back, compared to three boys over six foot tall who wanted to see my tits.

Don’t think anyone is saying single sex is perfect or that all girls are lovely 🙄

Can I ask, are all the posters saying how awful boys and co-ed schools are parents of girls only? Or are people talking about their own sons behaviour?

It's not either or. I've taught in all girls', mixed and all boys' schools. I have a daughter and a son. The behaviour of lots of boys is awful. My son, who does not behave that way, agrees. Nobody is saying that all or even most boys are awful. Some is more than enough.

Of course, the behaviour of an increasing number of girls is awful too, but usually in different ways. Anecdotally, the best behaviour I've seen in schools has been in girls' schools, followed by boys' schools, followed by mixed. I'm about to start a new job in a girls' school, thank goodness.

I've heard people say girls are bitchy. My view is if my DD is in a co-ed school and there's 15 girls in the class, they could be bitchy. If she's at a girls school and there's 29 other girls in the class, some may be bitchy but she will have a bigger pool of friends to choose from and a higher chance she will make good friends.

If that's what she wants then it is best for her.

I would have been miserable at a girl's school myself, as I was a very 'ungirly' girl with a lot of friends who were boys, but I recognise a lot of girls prefer them. Single-sex school kids these days don't so much grow up with the opposite sex being an alien species as was the case decades ago I think.

There seems to be quite a trend on these threads (plenty of them on MN) to ignore the women who've had awful experiences at all girls' schools and give lots orf credence to the women who think their daughters have only thrived because they're in SS schools. Quite a lot of confirmation bias, I suspect.

Or there are twice the amount of bitches and their cronies and no one wants to be or is allowed to be the friend of someone who is being bullied.

acca2017

Girls didn't grope me. Girls didn't attempt to rape me

Thats nice for you. But not all girls are the same.