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Original poster

How can I change my daughters mind? - I do nor want her to go to single sex school

221 replies

acca2017 · 04/07/2022 20:26

My daughter is 10 years old and we are planning to move her private secondary in year 7. She currently in state primary and doing really well. We visited schools near us this year to have an idea. We were always thinking a coed secondary for her but after visiting single sex schools (girls only) she would like to go there but that wasnt my plan. We visited St Dunstands, Colfes and Blackheath High School so far, unfortunately we couldn't attend Bromley High's open day. I only wanted to view the girls only schools in case if she can not have a offer from any coed schools we can have more options/chances. We didnt want to put all our eggs in to one egg but now my daughter says she really liked the girls only school environment etc... I am trying to change her mind since December last year but she is so straight forward. When we visited girls only school... a year 10 girl showed us around which was really kind, smart and intelligent. She talked a lot about girls only school advantages etc...- maybe thats the reason she would like to go there. I told her that I want her to be in one of coed schools and now she says she will do bad in the coed school exams so that she will need to go to girls only school. She is really bright, hard worker, smart child which is way above avarege. Me and her teachers belives that she will good in 11+ but now I am not sure how she will do in exams. I am not from UK so I do no have any experience in single sex school environment and none of my relatives attended so far, so, I am not sure what is the advantages and disadvantages. There are articles online which shows taht girls do better in all female environment but I think coed is really life, its sounds more normal to me. Am I wrong?

P.S: changed subject and copy and pasted here as nobody responded x

OP posts:
AgathaMystery · 04/07/2022 20:29

It’s a deeply personal decision. I had a thoroughly miserable time at a coed so made the decision that DC would go to a single sex school. They love it and have no inclination (despite me encouraging them) to visit coed senior schools next year.

i think it’s great for some girls and doesn’t suit others. It is absolutely perfect for my girl.

JudgeRindersMinder · 04/07/2022 20:30

Don’t girls tend to do better academically at single sex schools?

MaChienEstUnDick · 04/07/2022 20:30

Why is co-ed so important to you?

FWIW, generally (and generally of course covers a huge range of things) boys do better in co-ed and girls do better in single sex. Girls in single sex schools generally play more sports for longer, do better in stem subjects, develop more confidence and leadership skills and have tonnes of female role models. They don't have to deal with bra pinging, constant pressure for nudes from peers and they get 5 - 6 hours a day away from dealing with the absolute deluge of pornified behaviour that comes with being a young woman in Britain today.

If I had had a girl, I would have sent her single sex in a heartbeat and I am a lifelong, vociferous critic of private education.

BoardingSchoolMater · 04/07/2022 20:32

I'm not entirely following your post, but all my children have been to single sex schools (boys and girls alike), and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I would agree that your daughter is bright, though, if she's worked out that she can play the system and deliberately fail the co-ed entrance exams. She's a smart girl who knows what she wants.

The advantage of single sex school is that the school is set up entirely for the needs of that one particular sex. There is no immediate distraction for hormonal teenagers. Friends with girls at co-ed schools have said that their daughters have been subjected to sexual bullying/harassment by the boys in their form; those with boys have said that that their sons are inclined to think it's "cool" to do badly academically and make no effort. The subject choices are very much along sexist lines - boys do Maths, Sciences etc and English, languages and the humanities are "girl subjects". Children at single sex schools don't have to grow up with these narrow and ridiculous views - the world really is their oyster.

SarahKennedy · 04/07/2022 20:32

JudgeRindersMinder · 04/07/2022 20:30

Don’t girls tend to do better academically at single sex schools?

My experience is that boys fly academically at boys' schools, too.

SlagathaChristie · 04/07/2022 20:32

I went to a girls' grammar, absolutely loved it. Really good sense of comraderie and I enjoyed the boy-free environment. We still managed to find boys outside of school hours, so we weren't socially stunted, if that's a worry.

Flakeymcwakey · 04/07/2022 20:34

If I had the option, I'd send mine to an all girls school. It's a more supportive environment for academic achievement and less likely that one of her class mates demand nude selfies. There is nothing 'real life' about school anyway, and even if it was real life, your child isn't ready for it as she is a child. I can't imagine why you'd want to argue her out of a decision which has demonstrably better outcomes and which ahe is keen to pursue herself, especially after she has taken her inspiration from an accomplished older girl. A disproportionate number of accomplished STEM qualified, successful women in my life went to all girls schools.

Rainallnight · 04/07/2022 20:34

I don’t think I this is the sort of thing you can change your daughter’s mind about. You’re not the one who has to spend most of your waking time there. Sure, co-Ed schools are more representative of ‘real life’, but as a previous poster said, real life can involve a pretty horrendous level of sexual harassment and abuse for teenage girls. If I was a teenage girl today, I’d definitely want to be in a single sex school.

Hillrunning · 04/07/2022 20:34

You haven't explained why coed is so important to you. You took your child to various open days, why bother doing that if you want to dismiss thier very clear and long held views? She has told you where she wants to go. Let her go there.

BoardingSchoolMater · 04/07/2022 20:35

I should also have said that I went to a girls' school from 5-18 and there are some less happy memories (mainly because I went to school before there was such a thing as pastoral care) - but overall, it was a good thing all round.

VeryQuaintIrene · 04/07/2022 20:35

Why are you so against it? Is it just that it's not a thing in your culture and seems weird to you? I know so many people who loved their girls' school (including me). I think you should give it a chance, especially as she clearly seems to know her own mind and feel that it's going to be right for her.

BendingSpoons · 04/07/2022 20:35

I went to an all girls school and much preferred it! I have read girls do better at all girls and boys at mixed. Yes it is not representative of real life, but it is possible to mix with boys out of school.

I would say to your DD that you value her preference. You would still like to apply to some mixed schools and may visit some again to keep her options open, but that if she really prefers a girls school, you are willing to go with that. She can always move for sixth form at 16 if she changes her mind.

Then when you get offers, you can have an open discussion of the pros and cons of all the schools e.g. travel time, extra curriculars as well as co-ed/girls and make a final decision.

ldontWanna · 04/07/2022 20:35

It might not be YOUR plan, but it's her life and her education.

If it's a good,academic,nurturing school that will broaden her horizons and opportunities,that's all that matters.

rodham · 04/07/2022 20:35

Why are you so against all girls? I was absolutely delighted that DD passed the 11+ as it's proven that girls fare better at single sex schools.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 04/07/2022 20:36

I think your daughter is right to want to go to an all girls school.

It will be much better for her educationally and mentally.

MrsPartridgeKleio · 04/07/2022 20:37

I loved my all girls school. At the end of the day, you don't have to go to school there. She does.

Etinoxaurus · 04/07/2022 20:37

Boys take up all the space
Let her thrive for a while without the male gaze.

Rainallnight · 04/07/2022 20:37

OP, this was a big story last year. It’s with you reading it. www.newstatesman.com/uncategorized/2021/10/the-reckoning-rape-culture-and-the-crisis-in-british-schools

whiteroseredrose · 04/07/2022 20:38

Both of mine chose single sex over coed Grammar Schools. Absolutely no regrets from either of them.

Quartz2208 · 04/07/2022 20:39

It may not be your plan but it is hers.

From her perspective you took her around schools that you like - within that she made a choice that she preferred why go against that

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/07/2022 20:39

Good for her. She's right.

godmum56 · 04/07/2022 20:40

You are too late. you (quite rightly) asked her opinion and she has told you. Suck it up.

MsTSwift · 04/07/2022 20:41

Mine are thriving in an all girls school. Jealous I would have loved to gone to one myself. I was a quiet little mouse in my co Ed school my two far more confident than I was.

Clymene · 04/07/2022 20:41

Single sex is much better for girls. If you want real life for her, she can go to a mixed 6th form.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/07/2022 20:41

I went to single-sex and co-ed schools (though they were very different in Los of other ways too). Single-sex has all the advantages PPs mention, and people who aren't familiar with single-sex schools don't often realise that there's often opportunity to mix with the opposite sex, but more on your own terms. A school bus route might be shared with a boys' or mixed school, there may be sporting opportunities with nearby schools, and if there's a brother school there might be mixed lunchtime clubs, combined sixth-form classes, mixed discos, sharing of facilities, and that sort of thing. They're not nunneries. Plus out-of-school opportunities, of course.

The main thing putting me off single-sex schooling is that for girls, it can be quite… psychologically intense. I saw lots of competitiveness, stress and mental health problems, but of course those might have occurred in a mixed school with the added pressures that come with those.