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Original poster

How can I change my daughters mind? - I do nor want her to go to single sex school

221 replies

acca2017 · 04/07/2022 20:26

My daughter is 10 years old and we are planning to move her private secondary in year 7. She currently in state primary and doing really well. We visited schools near us this year to have an idea. We were always thinking a coed secondary for her but after visiting single sex schools (girls only) she would like to go there but that wasnt my plan. We visited St Dunstands, Colfes and Blackheath High School so far, unfortunately we couldn't attend Bromley High's open day. I only wanted to view the girls only schools in case if she can not have a offer from any coed schools we can have more options/chances. We didnt want to put all our eggs in to one egg but now my daughter says she really liked the girls only school environment etc... I am trying to change her mind since December last year but she is so straight forward. When we visited girls only school... a year 10 girl showed us around which was really kind, smart and intelligent. She talked a lot about girls only school advantages etc...- maybe thats the reason she would like to go there. I told her that I want her to be in one of coed schools and now she says she will do bad in the coed school exams so that she will need to go to girls only school. She is really bright, hard worker, smart child which is way above avarege. Me and her teachers belives that she will good in 11+ but now I am not sure how she will do in exams. I am not from UK so I do no have any experience in single sex school environment and none of my relatives attended so far, so, I am not sure what is the advantages and disadvantages. There are articles online which shows taht girls do better in all female environment but I think coed is really life, its sounds more normal to me. Am I wrong?

P.S: changed subject and copy and pasted here as nobody responded x

OP posts:
Vargas · 04/07/2022 21:21

My dd was adamant she wanted coed and that's where she is and she is thriving. I would have sent her to a single sex school in a heartbeat but she didn't want it. I know plenty of girls who went single sex and most of them have been very happy. They definitely seem to do more sport and STEM.

Different strokes for different folks.

FWIW I say go with your daughter's instincts.

OperaStation · 04/07/2022 21:23

acca2017 · 04/07/2022 20:44

I feel like she will be shy and hesitant girl if she goes to single sex school. I want her to be confident when she goes to uni. Actually I really liked the behaviours of the girls in single sex school Blackheath, they were all smart, confident and friendly. Its also looks like all of you have really good experiences and I am so surprised and more confused now.
(St Dunstands, Colfes, Blackheath High) btw is anyone knows these school?

She’s more likely to be shy and hesitant surrounded by boys who want to mistreat her (not all boys, but misogynist behaviour is rife in co-Ed schools).

she has made a very sensible choice. Don’t try and talk her out of it.

NoToLandfill · 04/07/2022 21:37

Sensible girl. She's much better off in single sex schooling

Whatwouldscullydo · 04/07/2022 21:51

Shes gotta spend the next years of her life there she should get a chance to say what one she liked best. If the buildings not crumbling, the toilets are working and the teachers haven't been hit trying to break up fights you are off to a better start than some of us.

Girls schools are nearly always over subscribed. You will find it easier to move from single sex to co Ed if it doesn't work out than you would moving from co Ed after one too many blow job requests, into a girls school.

What do you have to lose by giving it a go.

TheodoreMortlock · 04/07/2022 22:00

acca2017 · 04/07/2022 20:44

I feel like she will be shy and hesitant girl if she goes to single sex school. I want her to be confident when she goes to uni. Actually I really liked the behaviours of the girls in single sex school Blackheath, they were all smart, confident and friendly. Its also looks like all of you have really good experiences and I am so surprised and more confused now.
(St Dunstands, Colfes, Blackheath High) btw is anyone knows these school?

I went to an all girls school and I can say that "shy and hesitant" was the LEAST likely descriptor of most of my peers 😁

In all seriousness though I think we had more academic confidence, as we were learning in an environment free of sexual harassment or sexist expectations like 'girls don't do science.'

JLQ1020 · 04/07/2022 22:01

Honestly I wish I went to a single sex school.

My friend went to one and she said it was really empowering that it was just assumed girls can do what they want, whether it's engineering, medicine nursing, sports you name it.

Also so much less embarrassing when girls develop breasts or have periods it's more open and girls aren't made to feel that it's something to be ashamed of etc.
I developed early and quickly and honestly hated the attention my breasts got in a coed school.
I was confident enough to tell guys to p* off but not all girls would be. Also boys are immature and pinged bra straps which now would be considered sexual harassment, but then it was made to feel like it was my fault for wearing a bra.

If your daughter is on the shyer side a single sex school will likely be better for her as she doesn't need to try and worry about boys or stress about puberty.

CherrySocks · 04/07/2022 22:04

I wasn't keen on the idea of single sex schools but our daughter had to go to one (state not private) as the nearest mixed were over-subscribed, but as it turned out she did well academically there, then went on to a mixed sixth form.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/07/2022 22:05

I feel like she will be shy and hesitant girl if she goes to single sex school.

This is ridiculous and absolutely not true. Let your daughter decide.

SirVixofVixHall · 04/07/2022 22:06

I went to an all girls school and would have chosen the same for my daughters but it wasn’t an option where we live.

Drywhitefruitycidergin · 04/07/2022 22:15

I've agonised with this for the last year although state not private.
Dd1 is year 6 & is moving to girls school for yr7. Entirely her choice.
We looked round and she even preferred it to the grammar schools in the next town. In her current primary world boys are much more disruptive than girls already.

I like you had my reservations about it and I thought she would thrive in our not as regimented local co-ed school.
Having seen yr10 at our local school recently at a STEM ambassador event i am more than happy for her to go to the girls school!

Transition day tomorrow so fingers crossed!

Original poster
acca2017 · 04/07/2022 22:17

You go girls, I loved the idea now:)

Hope my daughter will have similar experiences like you had. She already attends mixed drama, netball and chess clubs after school. But when it comes to the secondary school options she preferred single sex school after visiting the whole schools. for example we visited one school which recently become coed (was boys school before 2020) she didnt like the environment. She said never and ever I dont even sit on that schools assessment. Last week when I went to pick up her from the school one of her classmate (boy) asked her number. And she said to me thats the reason I dont want mixed school when I say so they mean to me etc.. but I was thinking she needs to learn, thats the life etc… but really liked that you all had good experience in all female school environment.

OP posts:
redwaterbottle · 04/07/2022 22:18

I've never been described as shy or hesitant, neither have any of my friends- all confident, friendly women, who happened to go to an all girls grammar. I would've hated the distraction of boys and all the shit that goes with it. My dc wants to go to all girls because the boys in her class are annoying and disrupt the learning (her words), keeping them late for lunch etc.

Apollonia1 · 04/07/2022 23:04

I'm in Ireland, where traditionally schools were single sex.
I went to an all girls school and loved it. Many girls schools "twin" with a boys school for subjects such as Drama, and everyone had brothers/cousins/neighbours at the local boys schools, so we still met plenty of boys.
Im planning on sending my boy/girl twins to single sex secondary schools.

Apollonia1 · 04/07/2022 23:04

My school was also very strong on STEM, and I now work in a senior STEM role.

whattheduece · 04/07/2022 23:12

acca2017 · 04/07/2022 20:26

My daughter is 10 years old and we are planning to move her private secondary in year 7. She currently in state primary and doing really well. We visited schools near us this year to have an idea. We were always thinking a coed secondary for her but after visiting single sex schools (girls only) she would like to go there but that wasnt my plan. We visited St Dunstands, Colfes and Blackheath High School so far, unfortunately we couldn't attend Bromley High's open day. I only wanted to view the girls only schools in case if she can not have a offer from any coed schools we can have more options/chances. We didnt want to put all our eggs in to one egg but now my daughter says she really liked the girls only school environment etc... I am trying to change her mind since December last year but she is so straight forward. When we visited girls only school... a year 10 girl showed us around which was really kind, smart and intelligent. She talked a lot about girls only school advantages etc...- maybe thats the reason she would like to go there. I told her that I want her to be in one of coed schools and now she says she will do bad in the coed school exams so that she will need to go to girls only school. She is really bright, hard worker, smart child which is way above avarege. Me and her teachers belives that she will good in 11+ but now I am not sure how she will do in exams. I am not from UK so I do no have any experience in single sex school environment and none of my relatives attended so far, so, I am not sure what is the advantages and disadvantages. There are articles online which shows taht girls do better in all female environment but I think coed is really life, its sounds more normal to me. Am I wrong?

P.S: changed subject and copy and pasted here as nobody responded x

Well my daughter went to private single sex school for primary then co Ed for secondary (her choice)
She's doing great and I'm glad she swopped.
All girls school can be bitchy and VERY competitive - I have lots of friends that send their kids to private single sex school and the competition to be thinnest, trendiest etc is brutal.
However ultimately - go with what your daughter wants x

OperaStation · 05/07/2022 06:29

acca2017 · 04/07/2022 22:17

You go girls, I loved the idea now:)

Hope my daughter will have similar experiences like you had. She already attends mixed drama, netball and chess clubs after school. But when it comes to the secondary school options she preferred single sex school after visiting the whole schools. for example we visited one school which recently become coed (was boys school before 2020) she didnt like the environment. She said never and ever I dont even sit on that schools assessment. Last week when I went to pick up her from the school one of her classmate (boy) asked her number. And she said to me thats the reason I dont want mixed school when I say so they mean to me etc.. but I was thinking she needs to learn, thats the life etc… but really liked that you all had good experience in all female school environment.

She doesn’t need to “learn” to put up with sexual harassment and bullying. She needs to be protected from it. She is a child and she wants to get a good education without having to deal with boys harassing her.

Mumdiva99 · 05/07/2022 06:34

Your daughter is 10. Not an adult. She isn't paying for this. She doesn't get to tell you where she's going. That is an adult decision to make and takes into account many factors. Be the adult and make the choice.

DiamanteDelia · 05/07/2022 06:46

I wish I had sent my daughter to a single sex school. Completely agree with @OperaStation

romdowa · 05/07/2022 06:52

I went to an a mixed secondary school after an all girls primary and I hated it. I changed to an all girls seconds for my last 2 years and I loved it. The boys in secondary were rough and disruptive. Nobody ever messed around in class in the all girls school, it was a relaxed environment after the chaos of a mixed school.

BobbinHood · 05/07/2022 06:54

I really enjoyed going to a single sex school and it was the best thing for me. If you’re dead against it, it was really unfair of you to take her to visit one.

SamMil · 05/07/2022 06:58

Definitely let her go to the school that she preferred!

I went to an all girl's school and I'm really glad I did. I socialised with boys outside of school, but didn't have to navigate the typical teenage boy behaviour whilst being educated.

FrecklesMalone · 05/07/2022 07:01

I echo a lot of what is said about the benefits of single sex. The only worries I had about it for DD were that the (highly academic) girls school near us was rife with girls with anxiety, eating disorders and lots of trans boys (eg girls) so much so that they no longer used the word girls! The results were astounding but it was a pressured environment, with the expectation that they will all get top marks.

SisterCellophane · 05/07/2022 07:12

Regardless of to the benefits of all-girls Vs comes schooling, if you what you want is for her to be confident I think it's important that you respect her ability to make her own choices about her future even where they would differ from yours, that will help develop confidence.

realfruit · 05/07/2022 07:15

I loathed my single sex school. I hated all female environments then, and I'm not much keener on them now. Mine go to a coed school (we had the choice) and I absolutely don't see the boys 'taking up all the space'. The girls are massively represented in sport, STEM etc.

However, as others have said, you need a very good reason to overrule your daughter's feelings if they're this strong.

MsTSwift · 05/07/2022 07:18

At the local coed the top rugby team did a match for Ukraine - fundraiser. Whole school got behind it cheering etc. The girls organised similar with netball. No one gave a shit. That’s what I want to avoid.