How can I change my daughters mind? - I do nor want her to go to single sex school

[acca2017]

My daughter is 10 years old and we are planning to move her private secondary in year 7. She currently in state primary and doing really well. We visited schools near us this year to have an idea. We were always thinking a coed secondary for her but after visiting single sex schools (girls only) she would like to go there but that wasnt my plan. We visited St Dunstands, Colfes and Blackheath High School so far, unfortunately we couldn't attend Bromley High's open day. I only wanted to view the girls only schools in case if she can not have a offer from any coed schools we can have more options/chances. We didnt want to put all our eggs in to one egg but now my daughter says she really liked the girls only school environment etc... I am trying to change her mind since December last year but she is so straight forward. When we visited girls only school... a year 10 girl showed us around which was really kind, smart and intelligent. She talked a lot about girls only school advantages etc...- maybe thats the reason she would like to go there. I told her that I want her to be in one of coed schools and now she says she will do bad in the coed school exams so that she will need to go to girls only school. She is really bright, hard worker, smart child which is way above avarege. Me and her teachers belives that she will good in 11+ but now I am not sure how she will do in exams. I am not from UK so I do no have any experience in single sex school environment and none of my relatives attended so far, so, I am not sure what is the advantages and disadvantages. There are articles online which shows taht girls do better in all female environment but I think coed is really life, its sounds more normal to me. Am I wrong?

P.S: changed subject and copy and pasted here as nobody responded x

@wellhelloitsme If we're worried about our daughters' wellbeing, then it's not just about what happens in school hours. If going to have a SS school potentially has an impact on how well girls deal with boys outside school, then that's still a factor to be considered in assessing SS education. Besides, some of these things are still happening within the school setting (ref the posters above describing other girls sending porn etc). Our local girls' grammar has recently been struggling to deal with a problem of older girls meeting boys from the neighbouring boys' school at lunchtime (blow jobs in the park etc - not a good look for the school). And I definitely think there is some truth in what a PP said about some SS girls being a bit more naive about their 'choice' of boyfriends, and very flattered by any male attention, based on my own memories of school.

Agree they seem to have boyfriends later in SS. Anecdotally none of my dds or their friends have boyfriends yet most of my friends with same age girls at mixed school do have boyfriends (13-15). Personally think the later the better.

Did you mean to say that? You think it's better they do have boyfriends?

Knowing what bitches girls can be, and remembering some from own my schooldays, I'm pleased that I attended a co-ed.

Knowing what bitches girls can be, and remembering some from own my schooldays, I'm pleased that I attended a co-ed

Do people really come out with this utter sexist twaddle in 2022? My bullies were boys in a co-ed school, HTH.

Do people really come out with this utter sexist twaddle in 2022? My bullies were boys in a co-ed school, HTH.

Well that's unfortunate for you, but there are plenty of people who are bullied by girls and the main issues in our local school are usually caused by girls. I have found girls/women to be bitches in both school and work and boys/men far easier to get along with.

If you weren't such a raging misogynist you might find women easier to get on with.

In my first term of teaching in a co-ed state school, a girl was dragged into the boys' toilets and gang raped. Before anyone jumps to conclusions, she wasn't a 'bad' girl, hanging around the toilets looking for boys. She was a nice, normal girl they wouldn't have been able to get with except by force.

My dd taught in a mixed sex state school, too. Both she and I, as teachers, have been threatened with rape by male pupils.

Girls 'civilise' the boys, they say. Well, that's not the purpose of girls. They don't exist for the benefit of boys.

OP, let your dd choose.

And as for bitches - girls can be bitches in mixed sex, too. Boys can be pretty horrible. It's boys who decorate the walls near schools with 'Sally gives blow jobs' and poor 'Sally's mobile number.

If you’re still finding this a problem as an adult, that suggests the issue might be you, not other women.

No I said the later the better. So it’s better to have a boyfriend and be in a relationship when you are older generally.

I went to a girls' grammar (state, not private) and they were bitches from hell until sixth form when they finally grew up a bit. So it depends on the school. Not sure how you know before your dd starts, either.

I'd prefer coed if it were me.

MNers REALLY don't like it when women say on here that they've had a bad time in an all girls' school or have had nasty female bosses/colleagues, do they?

It's very odd when you read how nasty many of the comments on MN are! It kind of evidences that women can be horrible to other women.

It's unrealistic to argue otherwise. And saying "it's you not them" is victim blaming.

In my first term of teaching in a co-ed state school, a girl was dragged into the boys' toilets and gang raped

If boys are allowed to get away with that sort of behaviour in schools, it doesn't say much for the SMT at the school involved. If I were a teacher and faced rape threats, and the SMT did nothing, I'd be raising a grievance and getting the union involved.

This wasn't a teacher being threatened and the boys getting away with it.

It was a girl being actually raped by fellow pupils.

I'm assuming they didn't 'get away with it' but the attack still took place and that's terrifying.

I find this thread very interesting. I also come from a country where same sex schools are not a thing.
It sounded so old fashioned to me.

I think schools abroad are just traditionally better adapted to co-Ed with all its challenges as there's no alternative.
May be there's an acceptance here that 'Hormone-raged boys' cannot be educated to respect their peers?

May be there's an acceptance here that 'Hormone-raged boys' cannot be educated to respect their peers?

Well yes, there is, because in spite of schools' constant and ever-adapting efforts to get students to behave respectfully, lots of them simply won't. It would be foolish to pretend otherwise. So it's understandable that parents make schooling decisions based on how things actually are in schools, rather than based on how they ought to be.

I'd be interested to hear how behaviour is reliably and consistently controlled in schools in your country. Or is it just that kids have no inclination to behave disrespectfully in the first place?

I don’t think anyone can look back at their own school years and think their experiences are entirely relevant to schools now. Times are different, schools are different and your child is most certainly different from you. The only people who really know what’s going on now are the pupils and staff who are in those environments and neither is necessarily going to come out and tell you as the prospective parent the truth of the situation. I know that sexual exploitation is an issue in schools because I was involved in delivering training to police following the Rotherham and Rochdale cases. I’ve spoken with schools officers from across London. People don’t want to hear it though because it’s easier to believe in this idea of school as the universally safe space. I don’t believe boys are a civilising influence on girls - if a girl is unpleasant to be around she’s unpleasant whether she’s in a SS environment or mixed. I personally have access to a non selective SS state school with fantastic facilities and top 5 results for our county and nothing about the co-ed alternative makes me change my mind about that.

I really don't know how.
It's so sad to read some of the things on the comments.

I loved my secondary school time. I had friends boys + girls - with lots to learn from all.

All of abroad? That's quite a few countries there, not sure Afghanistan for example have the co-ed challenges quite down!

Just teasing though to be fair, I am interested though in which countries are doing this better, I wonder if they will tie in with the countries that have a better track record for gender equality as I would assume the two would go hand in hand?

I don't think it's just about the inappropriate sexual behaviour.

Girls and boys generally learn in different ways. A SS environment allows lessons to be better tailored to the needs of the students. Both my DCs went SS at 11 and it was obvious that the students were handled differently in the approaches of the school.

Also, generally, I think boys mature at a different rate to girls. Y7 - 9 girls seem so much older than the boys. Much of the disruption caused by boys is just because their attitudes are so much younger. I have seen this with DS and his friends. Things seem to even out by about 15/16.

And yes - some girls can be absolute bitches, but this wil be the case in co-ed or SS environments. At least with SS, girls don't have to put up with all the other rubbish!

@Covidagainandagain Lol. I did think of Afghanistan as the exception.

It's interesting, isn't it?! People whose job it is to take the decisions no doubt have access to all the research data - what works, why and how.
One would hope they'll start fixing what's broken.

I believe people who have experienced bullying from girls at school - either single sex or mixed. I believe people who have experienced bullying from female bosses or colleagues.

But women who say that through their whole lives, every workplace, every school, every interaction, they have trouble with women? Yes I do believe it’s probably about them. Otherwise they’re just spectacularly unlucky to an unlikely degree with the all women they’ve encountered or spectacularly lucky with the men they’ve encountered. I don’t think that’s victim blaming, but crack on.

What an hilarious comment! The gang rape led to all the staff being compelled to 'volunteer' to give up their lunch and break times to patrol corridors. The two boys who used detention as an opportunity to threaten me with rape were excluded, and the boy who threated my dd was punished, too. It's not that the SLT were sitting on their arses, doing nothing. It's that boys can be very dangerous.

Typical MN rubbish, where all males are evil and all females are saints!
Maybe some of you need to experience a bit more life.

If you’re still finding this a problem as an adult, that suggests the issue might be you, not other women.

Get over yourself! I never said I had a "problem", I am speaking from observation. If you and @Rosehugger don't believe women can be bitches I suggest you read a few random threads on MN - plenty of examples there.

Incidentally, I don't live in the UK and single sex schools are very much in the minority here. The UK seems to be obsessed with them.

It's very odd when you read how nasty many of the comments on MN are! It kind of evidences that women can be horrible to other women.

Hooray - someone with a bit of sense!