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Original poster

How can I change my daughters mind? - I do nor want her to go to single sex school

221 replies

acca2017 · 04/07/2022 20:26

My daughter is 10 years old and we are planning to move her private secondary in year 7. She currently in state primary and doing really well. We visited schools near us this year to have an idea. We were always thinking a coed secondary for her but after visiting single sex schools (girls only) she would like to go there but that wasnt my plan. We visited St Dunstands, Colfes and Blackheath High School so far, unfortunately we couldn't attend Bromley High's open day. I only wanted to view the girls only schools in case if she can not have a offer from any coed schools we can have more options/chances. We didnt want to put all our eggs in to one egg but now my daughter says she really liked the girls only school environment etc... I am trying to change her mind since December last year but she is so straight forward. When we visited girls only school... a year 10 girl showed us around which was really kind, smart and intelligent. She talked a lot about girls only school advantages etc...- maybe thats the reason she would like to go there. I told her that I want her to be in one of coed schools and now she says she will do bad in the coed school exams so that she will need to go to girls only school. She is really bright, hard worker, smart child which is way above avarege. Me and her teachers belives that she will good in 11+ but now I am not sure how she will do in exams. I am not from UK so I do no have any experience in single sex school environment and none of my relatives attended so far, so, I am not sure what is the advantages and disadvantages. There are articles online which shows taht girls do better in all female environment but I think coed is really life, its sounds more normal to me. Am I wrong?

P.S: changed subject and copy and pasted here as nobody responded x

OP posts:
AnnesBrokenSlate · 04/07/2022 20:42

I don't understand why you're set on co-ed. Single sex schools get better results. If your DD is academic she probably wants to go to the single sex school for that reason.

You say life is co-ed. Life still exists outside school hours. I loved my time in a single sex school. It was a very nurturing environment and encouraged us all to excel. And I still attended co-ed clubs outside school.

Lindy2 · 04/07/2022 20:42

Let her choose. She sounds like she knows her own mind and she will do best at a school she is happy at.

I went to an all girls school. If I had that option for my children I would have chosen single sex again. Unfortunately it's only coed schools where we live.

Girls generally do much better in an all girls environment. They certainly don't need boys around to get a good education or to experience the real world.

Original poster
acca2017 · 04/07/2022 20:44

I feel like she will be shy and hesitant girl if she goes to single sex school. I want her to be confident when she goes to uni. Actually I really liked the behaviours of the girls in single sex school Blackheath, they were all smart, confident and friendly. Its also looks like all of you have really good experiences and I am so surprised and more confused now.
(St Dunstands, Colfes, Blackheath High) btw is anyone knows these school?

OP posts:
WhackingPhoenix · 04/07/2022 20:45

I went to a girls’ grammar school and can honestly say I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. Let her choose.

WhackingPhoenix · 04/07/2022 20:45

acca2017 · 04/07/2022 20:44

I feel like she will be shy and hesitant girl if she goes to single sex school. I want her to be confident when she goes to uni. Actually I really liked the behaviours of the girls in single sex school Blackheath, they were all smart, confident and friendly. Its also looks like all of you have really good experiences and I am so surprised and more confused now.
(St Dunstands, Colfes, Blackheath High) btw is anyone knows these school?

I’m neither shy nor hesitant Confused

Why do you think having boys around will shape your daughter’s personality?

MsTSwift · 04/07/2022 20:49

She’s far more likely to be shy and hesitant in a mixed school. Why are you so keen for her to be educated with boys?

godmum56 · 04/07/2022 20:49

acca2017 · 04/07/2022 20:44

I feel like she will be shy and hesitant girl if she goes to single sex school. I want her to be confident when she goes to uni. Actually I really liked the behaviours of the girls in single sex school Blackheath, they were all smart, confident and friendly. Its also looks like all of you have really good experiences and I am so surprised and more confused now.
(St Dunstands, Colfes, Blackheath High) btw is anyone knows these school?

shy and hesitant? that's hilarious

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/07/2022 20:49

Boys constantly taking up space and time will make her more shy and hesitant than being surrounded with other girls.

DD is at co-Ed and the boys often say sexist things. Better to grow where there's light and food.

Yodaisawally · 04/07/2022 20:51

I went to al girls all the way through, Loved it. My daughters have done coed primary and are going to all girls secondary.

Why are you so against it?

Mix56 · 04/07/2022 20:52

Single sex girls schools are a fabulous environment for teenage girls to develop without having the challenge ic feeling they have to

newtb · 04/07/2022 20:54

Don't know Blackheath, but assume it's a GDST school, like Croydon and Wimbledon etc. I went to a Trust school and had a fantastic time. My chemistry teacher was supervised in her PhD by a Nobel prize winner.

Your dd seems happier with the idea, she could always go co-ed for VIth form.

Mix56 · 04/07/2022 20:54

Sorry. .. start to play the game of being attractive, all the hang ups of physical complexes etc etc
The best girl friends for life...

ImNotHungry · 04/07/2022 20:55

OP- I’m local to you and the school is fab. She’s making a great choice.

TreePoser · 04/07/2022 20:56

Yes life is coed, and men have plenty of advantages in life.

That's why I was so happy my dd went to a girls school and for the 6 years she was there, the teachers weren't breaking up fights, struggling to breath through the boys' farts or prioritising boys' needs or assuming they'd be better at physics and maths. My DD did honours maths and did v well in it.

I went to a co-ed school and it's not the utopia the supporters of mixed schools seem to believe it will be. After all, is ''REAL LIFE'' perfect? Why the determination to replicate that ?

WishILivedInThrushGreen · 04/07/2022 20:57

Both of my children attended single sex schools.
Their choice, not mine.

They did fine.

LilyMarshall · 04/07/2022 20:58

MsTSwift · 04/07/2022 20:49

She’s far more likely to be shy and hesitant in a mixed school. Why are you so keen for her to be educated with boys?

This. Seriously, she is making a good choice.

MissDollyMix · 04/07/2022 20:59

I was sent to an all girls school after my mother was also sent to one and felt it was the best education for me. In turn if I had the money I would definitely send my daughter to one too. I loved my education and feel that being at an all girls school was really empowering and brought me out of my shell. Far from being quiet and meek, we were given the confidence and safe space to speak out and have faith in our own opinions. If it’s what your DD wants, I would support her.

ElfDragon · 04/07/2022 21:04

My daughter is at a single sex school, and she (nor I) wouldn’t change it for anything. She loves it, has loads of female role models, no teenage boys to deal with all day, and, in her words from shortly after she started in year 7, “it’s so much nicer without boys messing around all the time, there’s enough time to get round everyone’s questions”.

she does enough out of school clubs with boys to know that she would hate being stuck in lessons with them all the time. She’s in yr10 now, and talk amongst parents has turned to thoughts on 6th form. At least half her friendship group are leaving because their parents want them to ‘learn how to get along with boys’. The girls themselves do not necessarily have this as top of their list of important things for 6th form. I honestly don’t understand this attitude. When I said that dd2 was staying on at for 6th form, one mum said “oh, but she has a brother, so that’s ok”. Ds is 6 years younger than dd2. He’s 9. Dd2 does not spend much time at all hanging around with his friends learning to get on with them! It’s just so medieval, tbh, t making out that girls need to learn to understand boys so that they can, presumably, make a good marriage or something. Weird.

Hosum · 04/07/2022 21:10

My dd sat for various 11+ last year and we turned down CLGS and others on the basis that I had been single sex and thought co-Ed would be better/more rounding. I'm happy with the school we ended up in - but with the benefit of hindsight I would have gone single sex for DD in year 7 the amount of chat around sexuality/ who fancies who/ what it means to be hot etc is ridiculous but the bit I most object to is the girls are used as behaviour modification so generally in difficult classes a well behaved girl will sit with a not so compliant boy. I complained and add was moved as upsetting her so much but the girl that took her place despite complaining to the teachers not so much luck. I am considering moving at 13+ to a CLGS or SPGS environment.

Comedycook · 04/07/2022 21:14

I am sending my DD to an all girl's school and felt very strongly that it was the right decision. I agree with your DD. I don't understand why it's so important to you that she goes to a co ed

SheepingStandingUp · 04/07/2022 21:14

You've made her feel like she has a say in it and now you don't like her choice you want her to go back to being compliant.

Either pull rank - you'll go here and if you fail the exams you'll go to coed comp, or allow her to go where she wants given you have no actual reason to not send her other than you don't want tom

LittlePickleHead · 04/07/2022 21:16

My DD goes to a single sex school not too far from the area you are looking at, and she is thriving.

You mention not gaining confidence, but on the contrary she has had so much confidence with trying new things and particularly with performances. The girls are so supportive of each other, championing their friends when they are performing or succeeding, it's been lovely to see.

I am personally quite relieved that she doesn't have to deal with some of the issues faced in co-Ed schools with harassment and worse.

I would listen to your daughters wishes here

SheepingStandingUp · 04/07/2022 21:16

acca2017 · 04/07/2022 20:44

I feel like she will be shy and hesitant girl if she goes to single sex school. I want her to be confident when she goes to uni. Actually I really liked the behaviours of the girls in single sex school Blackheath, they were all smart, confident and friendly. Its also looks like all of you have really good experiences and I am so surprised and more confused now.
(St Dunstands, Colfes, Blackheath High) btw is anyone knows these school?

So put her in some extra curricular activities. Let her get a part time job at 16. Nurture any friendships she's leaving behind.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 04/07/2022 21:18

Ss is generally much better for girls as they get a chance to participate more fully because there are no boys. There is a massive difference in a-level choices (More choose stem which leads to greater earning potential) because everything is on offer for them. And yes chances of being sexually assaulted are much lower.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 04/07/2022 21:18

I went to a mixed school until sixteen, then moved to all girls for sixth form.

The girls school was a much more positive environment. Less stereotypes. More 'space' especially in STEM subjects. It made me much more confident overall.