Music Scholarship disappointment - how to handle?

[Polishedshoes]

I have namechanged for this as I don't want to out myself....

My DS12 has just been rejected to a music scholarship....my worry is how this will affect his involvement with music at the same school, going forward. As the school dished out 25 scholarship and decided he wasn't good enough, will this mean he will be excluded from all the opportunities and that I should look for another school?

He lives and breathes music and is always found at the piano or composing or at some type of music activity. I am dreading telling him and how to handle this and would welcome any positive stories.....he isn't just someone who enjoys playing for fun, music is literally his life...I would appreciate some advice - please be gentle!!

DDs friend had a music scholarship at Harrow. He had been a choirister. He also played the piano. Not sure what else. Still
a musician now 5 years post university.

Many secondary schools want at least grade 5 at age 12 but I cannot think of many who were grade 8 at 12 in 2 instruments. I do remember a girl from DD2s prep being above grade 8 at 12/13. She had her own section in concerts. Taught by her musician dad. Just a very musical family! I never saw her play anything else other than the violin. She went to Oundle at 13.

OMG - just looked up her name. She’s a celebrated conductor. She’s not yet 30!

Wondering what instrument he auditioned on - they may be looking to fill gaps in their orchestra. Dd didn't get a sniff of a scholarship on violin and soprano but first time when she switched to alto.

It says on that page that there are 8 scholarships awarded a year?

It also says that grades 6-8 is the expected standard and that high marks in exams are more important than higher exams, which does rather suggest that grade 8 is not a requirement and not what every applicant has either, or they would say so. If even Eton dont have legions of multi-grade 8 applicants, where does?!

They aren't like this at Chets, they look for potential, they aren't bothered about grades on entry, they want to know that you can play a wide variety of pieces, not just stuff to pass exams.
I suppose it's the difference between schools that have to teach to the test and those that don't.
The music schools do encourage exams but they are only a small part of the musical education.
They are like Hogwarts and the kids are a happy mad lot

frogsoup, I have not read the whole thread, if any post claimed grade 8 is a must to win any music award, that information must be wrong. But from my observation over a very limited few data samples, to win the actual music scholar title (not honourary or exhibition) at a school like Eton probably indeed requires the candidate's 1st instrument achieve grade 7/8 distinction level (not necessarily to have officially done the exam). As you correctly picked out from the link above, a candidate achieved higher marks in one or two exam grade lower could be favoured as having better potential than another candidate merely passed a higher grade exam.

The pianist linked below won Eton music scholarship (AND academic scholarship) in 2016. He had obtained piano diploma before his audition.
www.breinton.com/musicians/current-season/1182-harvey-lin-piano

A child prodigy like this may be very rare (by definition a prodigy should be rare). I am sure most other candidates competing for music scholarship did not have any achievement even near to his. But please also remember, schools like Eton open their 13+ music/academic scholarship competition to childrens who have missed the main admission boat at 11+. To some children who wants to (or more likely their parents want them to) attend a school like Eton, their only hope is to win the music scholarship or academic scholarship to grab one of the last few tickets. They would have been all in on the preparation for at least the last two years. One can be cynical about this practical approach, but the families who made it must have gone through a lot.

Giving what said above, I do know a child who won a music award (not the top scholarship at Eton in previous year, and this music credentials were actually much less spectacular than OP's DS. Based on OP's description, her DS is self motivated for music, and participates in loads orchestra/ensemble/choir activities. These evidences are exactly what the music director looks for, much more important than what exam grade he has achieved. I can only speculate that something must gone wrong at his audition/interview.

I would also want to say to OP that, do not get upset with the school simply because they did not respond to your query on Friday evening. We all know it is a common practice for any school's admission/registrar that they deliberately wait Friday evening to send out rejection decisions. It is wise for them to do so to let any disappointed parents to digest the news over the weekend. You surely should try to make an appointment with the music director to discuss your concerns if you want to.

Eton yes there were multiple posts saying, in effect, that kids with grade 8 on three instruments at 13 were three a penny in some areas/schools and that there were likely to be legions of better qualified candidates with higher exam results than the OPs son, as per the emailed feedback. I find that hard to believe given that, as you say, he seems to have the whole package of high exams grades along with genuine and certified broad interest in varied types of music making (composing etc). Most directors of music would bite the hands off candidates like that. I would be wanting to discuss the audition process in person with the director of music, not because the scholarship itself matters unduly, but because it will be useful for any future musical auditions/interviews to know in what way he seems to have failed to show them his true potential. It may be not his fault at all and just a function of instruments played or similar, but I'd be wanting to know more. 'All the other kids had higher exam grades' is unlikely to cover it.

You hit the nail on the head in that I was upset for Ds1 as the only reason I agreed to put him through this, was the belief that it was potential rather than high grades that they looked at.

If I had been a pushy parent, I could have stopped Ds1 from his endless tinkering on multiple instruments to Compose, stopped him from joining multiple choirs/quartet/orchestras and just got him passing grades.

If I had done that, he would have got the higher grades he needed, but ultimately he would have been very unhappy so I don't regret it.

I am still worried about how it will pan out for him and I might give Chethams a call/visit without DS first, just to see... I am sure he will do well at either places, but the whole experience has left me a bit unnerved. Even a few days later I have a sense of uneasiness about it all.

Ps yes I should have said awards as opposed to pure scholarships.. I was maybe coming from it from a child's point of view, eg there were 25 awards and I didn't get any.

Although he has taken it well, he has refused to talk about it, which tells me he is stewing on it still. I have avoided the subject altogether.

Hi polished.

Just wanted to agree with the pp who suggested talking to the director of music about what opportunities ds will have, as this is really the main thing, and ime if there's a particular activity you want your dc to do at a school it's worth checking whether there are opportunities open to all. (This is not just true of music - also sports, drama, etc).

I think the whole applying for schools etc can be very nervewracking anyway, so it's not surprising you're still processing it mentally - you've had an unexpected result, and it is understandable to want to explore the reasons (even if it may not be very productive!).

(I also agree with a pp who said the grades expectations have changed - I used not to think it was physically possible for an 11 yr old to get grade 8. In my day Grade 4 by 11 was very good going and grade 5 pretty much a genius. Yet from this thread it now seems nothing out of the ordinary of the mill to have grade 8 by that age!)

Thank you, yes I will and you are right, focusing on the future is the right thing to do. Frankly I am not overly keen on going down the feedback route or even pursuing it with school, as they have given me the reasons and it will only lead to more anxiety and doubts.

I definitely need to park the audition itself and ensure we all continue to support Ds1. He is now obsessed with the organ (a new thing) and I am sure they can support him learning it.

It's also hard with Ds1 as he flits from one thing to another and back again.

I wouldn't be surprised if he dropped learning the violin as his interest in it has been weaning for a while (still enjoys the ensembles a lot but less keen on solos/playing pieces in his own time) in favour of piano/organ/composition, so maybe I have to thank them for not giving him any award as he will be free to do whatever he wants!!!

Maybe this was also obvious in his interview - should have been as DS is incapable of not saying what goes through his mind

I think you and your DS have a brilliant attitude which looks beyond the sweetness of the merited accolade into what opportunities he can take advantage of which are right for him. Cases like your very talented and musical DS does make one wonder about the selection process (although maybe they lucked out in music prodigies that year) but as long as the school has density of musicians and participation he should get what he needs. Great idea though to look at a music specialist school even if it is just to confirm your present choice.

I think doind a postmortem here, but there are lots of things that could have enhanced (objectively), DS chance of success and I thought I would list them
1- start on pieces more than 6 months earlier.. Ds1 started learning one of his g8 pieces over the Christmas break, giving him very little time with the teacher - two lessons? Before his audition. Same with his singing piece
2 - I would make sure the teachers are really supporting and bought into the process - we definitely struggled with the violin teacher, who wasn't bought I to it all and was constantly diverting Ds1 onto quartet/duet pieces instead
3- I should have got someone to look through his compositions and give him advice. They would have probably impressed more if someone had taken a look and given him direction
4- get someone to accompany and practise that - he had a run through once with both voice and violin

Reading this through makes me feel terrible as they should have been obvious, but things just happened and planning and preparation were not planned as well as they could have been....

Thanks sendsummer, I appreciate your kind words

I think I underestimated the competitiveness of it all and was too laid back, let people take over (including DS).. If I was to do it again I would follow my own advice above).

sympathies op, it is so difficult when you start thinking you should have done things differently. It is so easy with hindsight to think 'oh no I've done it all wrong'. But these things are never straightforward, in reality the rest of real life was happening, you had more than one thing to focus on and you can't think of everything! You are obviously a very supportive parent!

And who knows, the teachers may have sensed that if they focused too much on the audition ds was going to be put off - hence the quartet and duet diversions! Plus, learning a piece for 6 months sounds dull to me - obviously I realise that's what you do if you are a concert musician, but at this age maybe there is again a risk of just getting bored with it all.

My DS was offered a music scholarship at a London Indie despite being grade 3 only on one instrument. We only put him in as an afterthought/shot to nothing. Having chatted with the Director of Music it was explained that they look for future potential. They like a child that has only been playing for a short while but is showing real progression. I suppose they think the improvement curve is steeper as opposed to some of the higher grade candidates who may have “grinded through the grades from a young age.

Yes mugglinstrum, that is the same at ds2 and dd's school - different school obviously!!

Ah with your list of what could have been differently it sort of makes sense now.
Musicality I guess will be mainly judged by the interpretation of the pieces, so he would n’t really have had time to work through that even if he technically mastered them. He probably is n’t at the level of musical maturity yet to do it unaided, especially in that time period. He might not have told them he had only been learning them on his own mainly over a short period of time.
From what I can see with my DS there is attention to minute details of interpretation in his pieces.
I would n’t be surprised if others’ submitted compositions had a lot of input.

Having looked at the Chethams website, I am going to see if DS fancies going to the piano course this summer.. They also do organ and composition... See what he says. I think he should enjoy it!!

OP, there is organ scholarships at 16+, your DS is already in a good position for that if he cares about it.

Muggling, I do not mean to challenge your DS' music potential, but to avoid misleading other parents who are looking for benchmarks to decide if their DC should give the music scholarship a go or not, it would be helpful to quantify a bit of your statement, for example
your DS won music scholarship for 11+ or 13+ ?
your DS may have only finished grade 3 exam, but what standard was he playing at his audition? Could be much higher?
was it a rarer instrument?
what sort of London indies? super glamorous? or very selective? or non selective?

To be blunt, I think even for 11+, at the few very selective schools in London, it stands very little chance if a child can only offer one instrument at grade 3 standard, especially if that only instrument is piano or violin.

So PolsihedShoes already an opportunity for your DS opening up that you / he might not have come across if he had got one of the awards.

I think you are VERY sensible not getting caught up in the race for 'official' achievement at all costs. He is exponentially more likely to make a successful career out of music (if that's what he chooses when the time comes) if he ploughs his own furrow based on what interests him most. How many of those pushed-to-the-max music scholars will end up make a living from music? So very, very few. And even if he ends up being a doctor or a tree surgeon or an accountant, he'll have had the invaluable experience of knowing how to pursue a subject for the love of it rather than because of what is expected of him. It took me until my 40s to dare to do that!

Look at it this way - the existence of 25 music scholars means that there will be at least 25 highly musical contemporaries in his yeargroup (and presumably in each yeargroup). Plus the fact that he didn't get a music scholarship despite being very musical means that it could be maybe 50 highly musical people per yeargroup - so it's going to be a brilliantly creative and musically exciting environment to be at school in. Not being a scholar will not damage his opportunities - the only thing lost will be you not getting the fee reduction. I would be very surprised if there were programmes that were for scholarship-holders only. The choirs, orchestras, music lessons and everything of the like will be set to showcase the talents of all pupils not just the scholarship students.

This is true for all kinds of scholarships not just music: Schools do not have scholarship programmes merely to benefit the scholarship holders. Whether sports, music, academic or anything else, the scholarships exist to raise the average attainment across the cohort and increase the aspirations for all pupils. The scholars drag up the results obtained from non-scholars.

As a non scholar your DS will only benefit from being in a strongly musical school. Nothing need hold him back.