Music Scholarship disappointment - how to handle?

[Polishedshoes]

I have namechanged for this as I don't want to out myself....

My DS12 has just been rejected to a music scholarship....my worry is how this will affect his involvement with music at the same school, going forward. As the school dished out 25 scholarship and decided he wasn't good enough, will this mean he will be excluded from all the opportunities and that I should look for another school?

He lives and breathes music and is always found at the piano or composing or at some type of music activity. I am dreading telling him and how to handle this and would welcome any positive stories.....he isn't just someone who enjoys playing for fun, music is literally his life...I would appreciate some advice - please be gentle!!

catkin thank you, I am really glad you have found this thread useful, it's certainly helped me and hopefully will you and others.

If I remember, it would be cool to come back a few years down the line and share what happened! Sometimes when you read threads you wonder how it went in the end?!

OP, your son sounds like a very talented musician, and also sensible boy. This reminds me a little of something that happened when I was 12.

I was also very keen on the piano, and doing well with my exams. I had learned on an old piano, and my parents decided to buy me a brand new one for my thirteenth birthday.

We went to a local piano store, who had lots of pianos. I tried them all out and liked quite a few, but eventually chose the one I liked the best. My parents paid and delivery was arranged for a few days time.

A few days later, when I was at school, my mother had a phone call. The store manager was very apologetic, but one of the other salesmen had sold my piano to someone else, and had already delivered it. My mother was so upset, she worried all day about telling me, thinking that I would be devastated.

When I came home, she told me that my piano had been sold, and I just said, 'OK, I'll choose a different one then.' I was a little disappointed but that was all.

It's funny that sometimes things that worry parents don't really bother children at all!

Sorry, a sensible boy!

And I still have that piano and play it daily, and teach with it, thirty five years later.

caribbean what a lovely story! I definitely worry more, its probably all the life baggage combined with wanting to protect the children.. Dh definitely worries a lot less, I wish I could be more like him!

One of my DCs is possibly unusual as got a music award for two competitive instruments at a very musical well known selective school despite not being part of the London high achieving JD group, nor a chorister, nor a DC of musician parents (rather the opposite) nor an international very accomplished applicant. Grades pretty good but not diploma level.
What has he got out of his time?

Yes, opportunties to perform as an individual and lead instrumentalist in the orchestra (the latter after a couple of years) and chamber groups but most of the long lasting benefit to him has been from some superb instrumental teaching (and long lasting relationships with those teachers) plus being in a very musical environment with lots of music to listen to and opportunities attainable by the students keen and proactive to arrange their own music making with other very talented proficient musicians. The latter music making does not necessarily need to be front line performance stuff.

Polishedshoes from the type of school that your DS will be going to as it attracts such a wealth of talented musicians he will therefore have the possibility of some very advanced self initiated music making with accomplished musicians to perform his compositions. At a less competitive school, he might well be the star but that is not necessarily an advantage for progressing.

That's very true!!

I very much doubt that your son will be excluded. If a school offers that many MSs then music must be an important element. If your son is very musical I guess that this must have been a factor in choosing that school in the first place.

I very much doubt that any independent school (I assume it is) would discourage a talented child from getting fully involved, as much as possible. If nothing else, it is often a part of a music scholar's scholarship to run their own ensembles, and put on small performances, so they are always on the lookout for willing participants for a start. He may also want to consider taking up a new instrument (I can't find where you said what he played now) but if they have a gap in lower brass or woodwind for example, that always goes down well.

My DS was at a school with a fantastic music department, and some of the scholars were at international performance standard, yet he never missed out on any opportunities, and we went to several concerts that he played in. It was also fairly common at this school for scholarships to be awarded later in their school career, if they developed later, so not everyone is successful first time by any means.

At DDs school, the scholars did the concerts but they didn’t do much else. The majority were Chinese and they just did instrumental music! They were part of orchestra and ensembles but they didn’t do choirs. Nor did they help in the music dept or help with house concerts. I often felt they just took the money. After a while there was no monetary award for the scholars and they did even less! The exams drove them and being fully involved with the music dept didn’t elicit anything if you were not a star performer. Oxford choral scholarship or not!

However op, if he wants to play the organ and is up for helping out, there might be opportunities later on if he wants them.

Yes you are right of course and I am sure there will be opportunities for him.. My gut feeling is that he will do less of the ensembles and more of the organ/piano/composition stuff, so in a way not getting a scholarship is a blessing in disguise in terms of hosing to abscond from those!!!

We did choose the school almost purely because of the music, hence the worry, I guess. I am sure it will work out in the end, even if he hides in the Chapel behind the organ full stop

I don't want to out myself or my son sorry... I hope you understand!! 😆

Definitely, although it could be that the same school sent rejections first.. In which case it's good news!! It is really hard to know, although I do have a few friends whose children are waiting for scholarship results right now.. I haven't told them about DS yet in case I make them anxious

Honestly OP I think you're very likely to have made a mistake.

25 music scholarships in one year group would be astonishing. At my DCs school where most children pay instruments there are about 15 scholarships in total. It means nothing really for the academic scholarships other than a fee reduction (and doesn't translate to the brightest children either since they literally take the top 10 entrance exam performances). For the music scholarships (about 4) they get a reduction in their music tuition fees but then a lot of pressure to do a great deal of music. All of the music scholars in DS1s year were grade 8 and that was at an age 11 entry school.

The thing is every school will have different standards.. At dd's and ds2's school, music awards were given to children with grade 3 (at 11).

Having said that, they all sounded exceptionally musical and flourished into lovely musicians, which I guess is what they spotted.. .ultimately each school will be looking at different things and that's their prerogative.

Some will just take the higher grades, some the instruments they want, some children they feel have potential..

Ps I should say in all the years I have been around the school, they only ever had one boy at g8 age 11...and that was in one instrument.. Mostly they had candidates between grade 3 and 6. Large big name school but not one that clearly attracts very advanced musicians......

I'm still slightly skeptical at the idea that any school that isn't a specialist music school is likely to have dozens of kids with multiple grade 8s by 11! Dozens?! Like I said, I'm pretty heavily involved in the kids music scene, including many kids from private schools and with pushy parents, many of whom are professional musicians. There are certainly some (usually Chinese) kids who are pretty impressive technically from a very young age, but even then it's usually on one instrument. Is there a misunderstanding about ages here? 13 going on 14, I can imagine there are indeed many ambitious kids getting to that kind of standard. 11 going on 12, I still believe that is exceptionally, exceptionally rare, regardless of where in the country you are.

frogsoup, this is exactly how I felt when I received the news, (shock and disbelief), but I just have to accept it. My DS is 12, so I guess competing with other 12 year olds. Never in a million years I would have thought there would be so many "much" more advanced children, but I have no reason to doubt I was told. In a way, it's easier for me to just accept it and move on, especially as DS is quite relaxed about it..

I do have a lot of unanswered questions in my head, for example where would you put composing on this list, or being a chorister, as it doesn't exactly compare with someone playing a grade above in a different instrument, etc...but ultimately there is no point in me torturing myself with these either!!!

PS what I meant was - the commitment of composing and being a chorister take away from say playing at a higher grade because of all the rehearsals, time spent on it, etc...but that's just my individual take on things and not necessarily something that anyone else cares about!

Jen sure, i get that, but 25 of them, with multiple grade 8s, age 13, in a single year and a single school? Unless it's Cheathams or similar, that's pretty bizarre to say the least.

Oops, Chethams even, not sure who my phone thinks goes to Cheathams, maybe the pretend grade 8s

frogsoup, re the number of music scholarships, please see the link below,
www.etoncollege.com/MusicScholars.aspx

oops, it is 26!