Music Scholarship disappointment - how to handle?

[Polishedshoes]

I have namechanged for this as I don't want to out myself....

My DS12 has just been rejected to a music scholarship....my worry is how this will affect his involvement with music at the same school, going forward. As the school dished out 25 scholarship and decided he wasn't good enough, will this mean he will be excluded from all the opportunities and that I should look for another school?

He lives and breathes music and is always found at the piano or composing or at some type of music activity. I am dreading telling him and how to handle this and would welcome any positive stories.....he isn't just someone who enjoys playing for fun, music is literally his life...I would appreciate some advice - please be gentle!!

TheBlues I know someone who didn't do grade 8 on their main instrument until age 16. Ended up going to the royal college and now plays in one of the country's leading orchestras. I also know plenty of burnt out supposed child prodigies (pushed relentlessly from an early age) who are now accountants and management consultants. It definitely isn't a race!

Frogsoup - the music exam rat race has changed enormously over last the few decades. I remember in my school days being impressed when a girl in my year at a decently musical school got grade 5 piano at 11. My DS who achieved grade 6 violin by 12 has no chance of getting into any chamber or quartet groups and can only be in the full orchestra.

For the upper school scholarships, the paperwork says first instrument should be gr 7 and second 5/6 but in practice string and piano candidates are generally playing at 8+8 if not through both exams (this is in Jan of year 8) and some are triple instrumented.
I slightly wonder what all these 13 year old grade 8 qualified string players do next...

Blimey, at 12 years old, grade 8 (or near enough) on three instruments - really?! What non-specialist schools are we talking about that would have 25 kids in one year at that kind of level at age 12?

This is a question I’d like to know the answer to as well. It’s sounds very odd. I’ve also never heard of a school where they are offering up to 25 scholarships in just one area. In my experience it’s usually just two per speciality .

Is this a London thing Michaela? I am pretty heavily involved in our local kids extracurricular music scene, and legions of grade 8 12yos is definitely not a thing here (and we are definitely not out in the sticks!)

Yes, having been through this process very recently, my observation is that even highly selective schools have Grade 4-5 as a benchmark, and sometimes Grade 3 for a second study, at 11+

They’ll be looking for commitment, engagement, understanding of theory, and potential - and are pretty well experienced in spotting these things.

I just can’t think how a school would offer 25 one-specialism scholarships - I’ve never come across this in all my many dealings with such things!

I think this grade chasing at primary school age is frankly madness. I've was talking to a parent last year who said she was relieved that her 10 year old had his grade 8 piano in time for the 11 plus exams, as she wanted him to drop piano straight away afterwards, so that he could concentrate on a sport she wanted him at national level at.

There are children at grade 8 level who have no interest in music, and no intention to continue playing.

(Area with part selective schools, where music is one means of selection, but they can't actually force a child to do music once they're in).

i must admit if this isn’t Chethams or Purcell which school is it, 12 year old grade 8s aren’t exactly two a penny.

I actually think there should be an age restriction on grade 8 as whilst they may be hothoused to have the technical skills they very rarely have the emotional ability to properly express the music at that age.

Yes I must admit it's a very competitive world we li e in. I remember my brother getting his grade 5 violin at 10 and he was literally considered a music prodigy these days it is very common.

I think there is a lot of international competition too, many children being brought up in different cultures with more of a rigorous ethos and that also rubbing off in others... Or maybe it's just the way the world has gone in general, which is why many sports like swimming and dancing have age baselines!!

Ps Re the 25 scholarships.. This is a number that stuck in my head but I might have been mistaken.. There were many though, more than 10 for sure - enough to feel bad about not getting one anyway lol

I can think of at least a couple of schools where this level of achievement not necessarily gaining a music scholarship for 13+ entry would be plausible; and 25 awards including exhibitions is not too many for the bigger of these. I would hope that the schools big enough to be attracting this many excellent candidates would have a wide range of high level music going on and opportunities for lots of students to be involved.

Organists are relatively thin on the ground and if that is his love I would hope he will be nurtured and allowed to develop. Does the school run a chapel choir?

Did you take him for a pre-audition? Did you get advice at that point as to his likely chances? Did you get a sense of how the music department would support a boy with his interests? To anyone else reading this thread in contemplation of future music scholarship applications I would strongly recommend taking opportunities for pre-auditions, we found them very helpful and got useful advice.

Yes I did take him to the pre-audition and it was suggested he was good enough to apply but it would all depend on the other candidates whether he would be awarded.

I should have asked more about opportunities of scholars versus non scholars but hey ho hindsight is a wonderful thing and although things were mentioned, DS and I were more focused on the audition advice than the post audition scenario.

I do really hope he will get all the opportunities he really needs and wants!!!

Of the scholars that I know of at dd’s school, 2 were g8 in at least 2 instruments well before leaving primary, one hadn’t done any exams but I expect to see them on young musician pretty soon...others were g6+ in multiple instruments. G5 at 11 is pretty much a failure in SW London :-( which is totally ridiculous! The “top” scholars (who we are already sick of seeing perform and we have another 6 years of this) are all going to JD and have professional musician parents...

"G5 at 11 is pretty much a failure in SW London"

That's insane! I do wonder if this is a particularly London-centric issue. My DD is 10, gr5 and pretty much the most advanced musician in her year (at a v middle class state school). I'm guessing that maybe we don't see the local multi-grade 8 at 10 prodigies as they go off to the junior guildhall etc and spurn the more local music opportunities. Probably for the best

@Polishedshoes I don't have anything to add that hasn't been said already here but I was fully prepared for your post to be a competitive parent snoozefest.

It sounds like your son is better off without a scholarship and with the freedom to not be tied to the groups or feel like he owes anybody anything.
And you sound like an excellent parent :)

I expect there are 25 in total across the years otherwise when you take into account sport and academic scholarships you would have 100’s of scholars?!

bubblegumbottles thanks for saying that, it's very kind. I am so grateful of all the posters that have contributed to this thread for their advice and encouragement

I am sending this again for your organ loving ds. Gert Van Hoef started learning to read music and play the organ at age 13 I think. I think he is inspirational...

dinkydaisy I have just shown Ds1 the young man on the organ you sent... It's amazing!! I can hear him on our electric organ in the garage having a go... Ahem we have a way to go yet!!! 😆

It sounds as if he’s ok and you should take on board a pp comment in this thread, ‘I was basically the music department bitch and had to be involved in every single musical endeavour, whether I wanted to or not, and felt constantly at risk of losing the scholarship if I didn’t.’
DS got a scholarship and it blighted his school career- music took precedent over everything. It was wonderful when we relinquished it.

He makes me smile with his playing...
Glad your ds inspired by him!!!

Sorry, the tone of that was all wrong! You sound like a lovely mum, I’m just remembering my inchoate rage on his behalf when he got the ms, but didn’t pass the entrance exam for a different school!
Schools make mistakes and it all comes out in the wash so long as you stay in their corner and support them.

Yes etino I have definitely taken it in board. I plan to remind him that just before he starts, which is to feel free to explore the music he wants at his own pace, as really that is the best outcome going forward.

Like others said, young people change a lot over the years and whilst I am sure music will feature highly in his life, it could be he wants to explore other things which he hasn't been exposed to yet.

Frogsoup - I suspect it is a London thing and it is a total bore. Music teachers and peripatetics give really mixed messages too so some say what one would hope “don’t rush, enjoy the music, there’s lots of time for the higher grades” etc but then when doling our spots in quarters say “well, we considered him but he has only just taken grade 6 and the others are all working on grade 8 so there isn’t a space for him” and having talked about potential, the music award applications kick off with the front page requesting their latest ABRSM results by instrument with 4 slots and continuation paper.

The singing teachers are particularly resistant and the higher grade repertoire isn’t terribly suitable for young singers, but then with boys one has that pressure to get stuff in before the voice goes.

If aiming for starrry grades, we made the “mistake” of not skipping grades. Early on I didn’t really know it was an option and alternate on there always seemed to be important stuff to learn at each grade, but that would have been cunning in retrospect. I’m not sorry we didn’t, but then. Nor was I willing to enforce 2 hrs a night practice, so we paid our money and made our choice!

I do wish though Ds could have the experience of small ensemble playing at prep school esp as he certainly won’t at big school as I think it would be really musically rewarding.

Polishedshoes thank you for sharing on this thread, and I'm so pleased that your son took the news so well. You sound fab and so does he!

DS2 is currently waiting to hear the results of his scholarship application (not music) for Year 7 and I have really benefited from reading such great responses on this thread - I feel far more prepared now for if he doesn't get a scholarship.