Music Scholarship disappointment - how to handle?

[Polishedshoes]

I have namechanged for this as I don't want to out myself....

My DS12 has just been rejected to a music scholarship....my worry is how this will affect his involvement with music at the same school, going forward. As the school dished out 25 scholarship and decided he wasn't good enough, will this mean he will be excluded from all the opportunities and that I should look for another school?

He lives and breathes music and is always found at the piano or composing or at some type of music activity. I am dreading telling him and how to handle this and would welcome any positive stories.....he isn't just someone who enjoys playing for fun, music is literally his life...I would appreciate some advice - please be gentle!!

I will look at the specialist music schools...we thought about these but DS1 wanted to keep other doors open/not specialise too young, just in case he changed his mind. I am hoping we won't regret it!!!

I am assuming this is quite a large, wealthy school if it offers 25 music scholarships per annum. Looking at the grades, I am amazed! Was it means tested?

Plenty of girls at DDs school got music scholarships where first instrument was the piano. Like your DS they played another instrument and played in the orchestra as well. It might be too late to apply elsewhere though even if you think another school might be better.

I think it will be difficult to explain their decision to DS. I would be in no doubt that he has higher grades than some other scholarship holders. So what else did they want? You will just have to explain it as best you can. I am not sure I would know what to say either!

For what it’s worth, my DD never had a music scholarship but did get an Oxford Choral scholarship because a music teacher believed in her. She was given opportunities despite not being a scholar. You are right to ask what they will now do to support him. Most schools have scholars concerts etc so what performance will he be able to do? How will they build on his talent and help him develop? That’s what I would ask.

I suspect he will have the same opportunities as the scholars but without the expectation. He will be able to audition for the orchestras and choirs and do as much as he wants to do. Music GCSE won’t be compulsory for him. Yes it is disappointing for him and you and the discounts would be nice but actually it will give him some freedom.

My non scholarship son has two choral services and three choir rehearsals a week and one orchestra rehearsal per week for which he has two concerts this term. He could join another choir if he wanted but feels it would be a bit much.

Not sure this really matters. Obviously disappointing for /you/ if it has financial implications. But unlikely to make a big difference to your son in reality - it won’t be the case once he gets there that only music scholars can do music (why would a school do that- it makes no sense...)

So a disappointing blow for his ego potentially, but something to minimise and get over - not a real “problem” like not getting a place or whatever.

Good luck.

I know it's a tough lesson at an early age, but anyone involved in teh creative arts has to develop a very very thick skin and learn to deal with rejection, because absolutely everyone will get turned down for things that they have applied / auditioned for.

I completely agree. Have known some musicians and, like actors and models, they have to deal well with rejection.

Also key for any musician is the ability to network and make friends. To be able to work with people who might be very different from you as often opportunities come through people you know and recommended you.

Thank you all, I have taken it all on board. I will chase the feedback, and also the opportunities route. The scholarships are not means tested, ir so they say... Who knows... In fairness some of them hold very little value financially.

I take the feedback that he will have more freedom on board - I think this will be the crux of my positive spin to him! I know rejection is a good thing to get used to, but this is unusual as he will have to be supported by the same people who didn't obviously feel he was scholarship material.

I will tell him one day he will prove them wrong!!

Its tempting to look elsewhere but the school is a good fit and we have missed the boat for others at this late stage... I will see what he says when I talk to him... Wish me luck!!

I am hoping to get the feedback before I do!!!!

It sounds very odd, 25 music scholarships all in the same yr. That’s a ridiculous amount. How many budding musicians exactly applied to the school? There would’ve been other scholarships handed out as well, academic, drama, sports. There’s a good chance nearly every dc in that yr at that school will end up a scholar?

With his acedemic ability and amazing portfolio I’m sure he’d get a place they’ll make room for him at other fantastic schools between now and September.

For what it’s worth we purposefully did not encourage DS who is musical (but not to the extent of OP’s dc) but qualified, to apply for the scholarship because of the expectations we knew would be placed on him. Inspite of our canny plan , he has been expected to be in every orchestra, ensemble including a local festival going, to the point DS has become so stressed from it all. I’ve only recently had to step in and formally tell the school DS does not want to do these things and as he is not a scholar to please leave him be. This has worked and DS is now free to join in just the ensembles he likes. I don’t think it could’ve been any worse had he been a scholar.

But if they like music to the extent of OP’s DS I think it’s a shame he hasn’t been given the opportunity, and I too would like to understand the reason for this.

I regularly prep children for scholarships and at most there might be 2 per subject. If there are really 25 music scholarships then the program is spreading itself too thinly. Encourage him to see that it will give him more creative freedom.

Maybe he also didn't come across well in the interview. He is very quiet and the opposite of boasting - always underlays everything. It could be that came across as lack of enthusiasm - clutching at straws here!

Having thought about it more, he will probably enjoy the freedom to sit at his piano/Compose, instead of having to attend all the ensembles... I will certainly make sure he doesn't feel pressurised to do anything like that!!!!

Ah, if he isn't there yet it could be that many of the scholarships were for existing rather than new students, if they've been scholars since y7 they need to apply to maintain the bonus. Often these amounts are little more than a 5 or 10% 'marketing' ploy with just one scholarship of any worth of maybe 35% or more.

I also suspect that you are right and that he needed to shine more at interview as all applicants would have been talented musicians, but that is something you can work on.

The time commitment for scholars is also huge so he will have far more autonomy to really enjoy and pick and chose his commitments by not having to honour a scholarship agreement. If he's entering y12 and has a bad month academically so wants to refocus his priorities he has the freedom to do this.

Be wary of the specialist music schools, yes they are phenomenal for producing top tier musicians but the pressure is enormous and I've heard of a few people where it quashed any love for music completely.

One of mine had a scholarship (not music) and I'd be grateful if I were you.

It was a lot of extra stuff on top of what they wanted to do outside of school too, and school had to come first.

You are all right of course.

He is still only very young and possibly will find other interests as an older boy/teenager. I bought him a small present - something he has wanted for a long time - to say we are proud of him

It will not be uncommon for music to fade as a priority for a number of the DCs once music scholars. It happens time and time again. The music teachers at your DS’s school will recognise his love and aptitude for music once he is there and he will get lots of attention and more musical freedom.
To me it sounds rather bizarre that he did not get an award at his level, musicality and love of composing. I have heard the opposite from those auditioning candidates at very competiitve schools; scholarships are not awarded to DCs at diploma level in at least one instrument as their playing is mechanical rather than musical.

Do not take it as a personal insult. It really isn’t. They were probably hugely over subscribed and lots have been turned down. And there will be lots of music opportunities for non-music scholars on a school with a big focus on music. Your Ds won’t be the only musical non music scholar and many will be very involved in music. There is no need to decide all his musical opportunities will need to be out of school now or he has been snubbed.

It is true that scholarships are awarded for all kinds of reasons and sometimes the best don’t get them. Schools need to give some Prep schools scholarships to maintain good relations, it can be able boosting the fee reduction for some who will already get buraaariez and can absolutely be about shortage instruments. You are never guaranteed a scholarship and taking offence about it is daft and not a good model for your Dc who needs to learn to accept minor set backs - and this really is minor and won’t limit his musical opportunities.

Yes, focus on the fact he will now not be beholden to be in all concerts and present at every school event due to the scholarship but freer to participate fully when it suits him, plus to do other activities or none of that suits him too.

Schools will be keen to be clear to those not getting scholarships that there will still be lots of opportunities in this area. That info just might take a little while to come out. Give them time to get the info out (admissions will be very busy at moment) and certainly don’t storm off in a huff. If you feel you need further feedback In a couple of weeks, then ask - not from an angle of being devastated or angry but just for information. And don’t let this pit you off the school if it’s an otherwise great fit. Know it’s not a personal insult and absolutely won’t mean there are no opportunities in music for him.

I really hope that he will be afforded the opportunities. To be fair that's my main worry. Hopefully this will blow over and all will be forgotten! I do think with some feedback it would have been easier to rationalise, but I just have to accept it is what it is now and move on.

Telling him this afternoon, now I have the brave face on and all the positive angles. I have no idea how he will take it!!!

The school will have to show some kind of measurable Value Added for the pupils with scholarships. If he's already achieving highly, they may feel that they can make a greater difference to another child with potential and that your DS will do well anyway, whether or not he has the scholarship.
(That's what I would tell him anyway.)

newname that is such a good idea.. I am not sure whether he will buy it but I will definitely use it

I always tell my DC that it takes a lot of guts and strength of character to put yourself up for anything that you can potentially ‘fail’ at, and it’s something for which I’m incredibly proud of them. I tell them that I’m in awe of them, as my personality is completely different, and I never dare have a go at anything for fear of failing. However, you don’t achieve anything being like that (me!), whereas one day it will pay off for your DS, and he’ll do something fantastic. Not sure that helps what you’ll tell him, but I think it shows such admirable personality traits. No wonder you’re proud of him!

I agree. I actually think he is possibly too highly qualified and many scholarships are awarded for development. As he is so young and at those grades already there is little scope for development.

I also agree that the "rarer" instrumentalists sometimes fare better. My double bass playing nephew benefitted in this regard (although his heart is with the guitar). He is now in the US at a conservertoire studying compositional music. But is still lead singer and bass guitarist in a band.

Scholars will be paraded at open days etc all of which invariably are at the weekend or events in the evening and scholars were super pressurised to attend! He won't fave this and will have genuine choices rather than expectations.

Face not fave

He will be very happy he will have more time to be at the piano and as he is learning the organ no doubt he will become obsessive about that

Dh has gone to pick him up from A football match, so it's revelation time soon! I am sooo glad I have posted on here as you have given me so many ideas and angles - thank you so much!!!

Could it have been an oversight? He sounds brilliant musically.
No feedback sounds odd.
However, he will be an amazing student wherever he goes.
Good luck...

The school replied today saying that they can't give feedback as they have too many notes/children but that there were many brilliant candidates at grade 8 in at least one or more instruments.

If he 'improves' and demonstrates the attributes they are looking for, they will consider an honorary award down the line.

The email has actually upset me again as it reads like something the school admin has written to everyone off a template.

I can't decide whether they are just being harassed and getting bored of emails/not reading them properly, or whether they really are that unresponsive generally.

I don't think I will get anything out of them, as they are not that willing to engage by the sounds of it. Frustrating.

In my experience fresh music scholarships are awarded as children progress through the school years. Often to the enthusiastic children who turn up to practices regularly and work hard at their music.

Sadly if the school is anything like dd’s He will be excluded. There are scholars only concerts, all chamber groups are only open to scholars (even though one of the groups needed a viola they asked a violin scholar to switch rather than ask dd to play)...the head of music pretty much couldn’t give a crap about anyone other than the scholars (this is also true for people other than dd).

Didn’t bother asking for feedback because I knew we’d get a standard letter which would have pissed me off even more as people with lower grades on their only instrument got scholarships when dd had higher grades on her (then 2) instruments.

DD will be doing as much music outside school as possible - when our schedule allows a proper orchestra externally she will pull out of the school orchestra too.