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Original poster

Daughter accused of being racist

380 replies

Loopylou19861234 · 08/09/2018 15:27

oopylou19861234

Hello i am not sure if this is the right place to post but here goes.... i need advice please.
Yes yesterday I had a phone call from my daughter's stating that there had been an incident of a raciel nature full stop when I enquired what had happened I was told that during a game on the playground my 7 year old daughter had referred to a boy as the Black Boy this was used in descriptive nature not as an insult but nevertheless she was pulled out of class for the rest of the day but up for racial insults which is going on her permanent record and is being referred to the board as a serious matter I am very confused over this matter as I don't think it's true or correct that my daughter has been branded a racist by the school what can i do?

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OP posts:
FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 10/09/2018 11:39

no, they don't 'often ' use it , they use it all the time.
Eg 'IC1 male/IC2 female
I believe IC3 is Afro Caribbean..

MarklahMarklah · 10/09/2018 11:50

Hope you get to the bottom of this, OP.

Years ago, before political correctness was a common concept a friend of mine was accused of racism. We were at school and walked into a classroom which was stuffy. My friend said, "ooh, it stinks in here!"
For whatever reason, someone else understood that to mean "Oh, there are a number of non-white pupils in here and that is why it stinks in here" and made a complaint about her.
Fortunately the school were, for all their other faults, keen to hear both sides of the story and witnesses were called. It could have been much worse.

If it is the case that the incident pivots wholly around your daughter describing another child by their skin colour, although it was perhaps, in retrospect misguided, it is not racist.
I have friends of different ethnicities and when I have asked them how they like to be described, in such scenarious, then they'll say "The black one"/"the chinese-looking one"/"The indian one". One of my friends has mobility problems and refers to herself as "a fat cripple." It isn't a term I would use at all in describing her, but she says that's what she is.

At our school we have a couple of mums who share the same name. Both are tall and willowy, both have two children (of the same genders, in the same year groups). If describing them to someone they are either, "Jane, Freddie's/Polly's mum" or "Jane, Toby's/Anna's mum." If that doesn't help then they are "White Jane" and "Black Jane". I'm known as "the crazy short one with pink hair".

Clavinova · 10/09/2018 11:55

Haven't read the whole thread but I assume that the primary school in question are confident that they had previously talked to its (KS1?) pupils about racism and how certain comments might upset others? Perhaps ask what their policy is on this and how they approach it - was there a particular lesson when this was dealt with or a whole school assembly?

BertrandRussell · 10/09/2018 12:06

Oh I wish we still lived in times when it was OK to use "fat cripple" as a descriptor. It must have been wonderful-and identifying people must have been so easy. None of this difficult "Mary" or "the woman in the pink jumper" or "the man over there leaning on the doorframe" nonsense.......

MistressDeeCee · 10/09/2018 12:14

Bertrand yep

The fat kid
The Ginger
The Dunce
The one with the crooked eye

So much easier and quicker than asking "hi what's your name" . & we should get to decide they shouldn't be such snowflakes and get upset about it either, put up and shut up.

DiegoMad0nna · 10/09/2018 12:32

I don't get it. Are you two saying that calling someone black is the same as calling them fat, or a dunce?

BertrandRussell · 10/09/2018 12:36

Nope. We're saying that using personal characteristics to describe people is best avoided and is very rarely necessary. You will note that I also suggested that "the woman with the lovely boobs" is probably not a good idea either.

Clavinova · 10/09/2018 12:41

I expect you could log 10 'incidents' a day if you count every 'fat', 'smelly' or 'stupid' remark uttered by 7 year olds in a KS1/KS2 class.

BertrandRussell · 10/09/2018 12:57

Ir's completely irrelevant to the OP's point, but I would expect a teAcher to intervene if she heard a child calling another child fat, smelly or stupid. Wouldn't you?

DiegoMad0nna · 10/09/2018 13:05

Nope. We're saying that using personal characteristics to describe people is best avoided and is very rarely necessary

Well, isn't that fairly obvious? I don't think that anyone is arguing that you should, or even would, say "the tall guy" if both people talking know the tall guy is called George.

BertrandRussell · 10/09/2018 13:15

"Well, isn't that fairly obvious?"

Not to a lot of posters on here, it seems!

MarklahMarklah · 10/09/2018 13:17

Bertrand just to clarify, I would never use such terminology to describe someone. I was trying (and likely failing) to make the point that she used it about herself. Obviously there are far better ways to describe her to people who don't know her. Those tend to be the descriptors I'd use. "The shorter lady", "The lady with the very long hair", "The lady in X deptarment at work", or, perhaps, if pressed, "The larger lady".

DiegoMad0nna · 10/09/2018 13:19

Not to a lot of posters on here, it seems!

Really? I haven't seen anyone saying it's normal to use physical attributes to describe someone if both people know their name.

Clavinova · 10/09/2018 13:25

BertrandRussell
It's completely irrelevant to the OP's point
My post was relevant to your point.

I would definitely take up with the school what their anti-racism policy is, what measures (other than reporting incidents and shouting at offenders) they have in place to educate the children about racist behaviour, what lessons the op's child and her class have already received and when, why they think these lessons might not have been effective in view of what has happened, what they are going to learn from this incident and how they are going to take this forward with a view to improving the children's understanding. Easy for the school to report and blame, but then do nothing.

Faithless12 · 10/09/2018 13:47

@diego your skin colouring is a physical attribute so yes posters are advocating using physical attribute to describe/identify people.

DiegoMad0nna · 10/09/2018 13:53

@diego your skin colouring is a physical attribute so yes posters are advocating using physical attribute to describe/identify people.

...When they don't know their name, yes.

Faithless12 · 10/09/2018 13:59

We’re going with not knowing his name Hmm 🙄 ridiculous.

DiegoMad0nna · 10/09/2018 14:00

Eh? Did you actually read the conversation Bertrand and I werehaving? It doesn't seem like you did.

MistressDeeCee · 10/09/2018 14:40

Laughable some are using "but I don't know the name" as an excuse for being offensive. Showing themselves up to be dim.

In real life when you don't know someone do you really say 'the fat woman' etc. No - you don't. & if that person were offended by being called such you wouldn't stand there arguing in their face'I can call you fat because you are fat', would you? Which makes you a hypocrite

But you think because it's black people, your 'othering' is ok. Done slyly, of course. As it usually is. & if we don't like it, you start whitesplaining as if your view of what we should accept should even be our main point of reference.

Children who don't know better are the product of parents like this, who because of their own prejudice can't teach their child what is and isn't appropriate. Life will show you and your child what time it is.

Not the child's fault tho.

DiegoMad0nna · 10/09/2018 14:45

In real life when you don't know someone do you really say 'the fat woman' etc. No - you don't

Who is saying that? Seems like people just reply to these threads with a standard template or something. Doesn't matter what has or hasn't actually been said.

catkind · 10/09/2018 14:57

This is getting ridiculous. It is not offensive to not know someone's name unless you've actually been introduced. Kids generally know their own year, maybe not even all of them in a large school. It is racist if the few black kids are pointed out as some kind of tourist attraction so everyone knows their name.

Faithless12 · 10/09/2018 15:41

@catkind That’s the opposite of my experience. I like how it gets corrupted into children being paraded around, that’s not what happens at all.

BertrandRussell · 10/09/2018 15:46

"I haven't seen anyone saying it's normal to use physical attributes to describe someone if both people know their name"
Somebody has said that "the larger lady" is fine. Someone else said "the lady with one arm"......

SharpLily · 10/09/2018 16:11

OK, so let's be clear, while none of us know what actually happened, of course, it sounds to me as if this boy was at a little distance and the only black child in the area at that moment. Presumably he was also wearing school uniform. How should the seven year old child in question, who didn't know his name, have described him?

RebelRogue · 10/09/2018 16:24

As an aside we had a racism thing last year. The speaker was a black man who did a couple of activities with the children,including describing people of different races. He did picked up that no one actually used black or brown(kids went out of their way to use tanned,darker skin colour etc) and then said that it is fine to refer to someone by their skin colour. That it is not racist to say "the black man" (used himself as a example).

You(general you) might find these things straightforward. Kids are still finding their way. Sometimes kids are taught that something is fine,but then someone will find it offensive.