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Original poster

Daughter accused of being racist

380 replies

Loopylou19861234 · 08/09/2018 15:27

oopylou19861234

Hello i am not sure if this is the right place to post but here goes.... i need advice please.
Yes yesterday I had a phone call from my daughter's stating that there had been an incident of a raciel nature full stop when I enquired what had happened I was told that during a game on the playground my 7 year old daughter had referred to a boy as the Black Boy this was used in descriptive nature not as an insult but nevertheless she was pulled out of class for the rest of the day but up for racial insults which is going on her permanent record and is being referred to the board as a serious matter I am very confused over this matter as I don't think it's true or correct that my daughter has been branded a racist by the school what can i do?

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OP posts:
llangennith · 09/09/2018 21:36

She was describing him. Could've been 'the ginger boy' 'the fat boy' 'the tall boy' 'the boy with curly hair'. She was just describing him.
Talk about overreacting!🙄

Dottierichardson · 09/09/2018 21:43

She was describing him. Could've been 'the ginger boy' 'the fat boy' 'the tall boy' 'the boy with curly hair'. She was just describing him.
Talk about overreacting!

How do you know what she did/didn't do were you there? Perhaps you should come forward as a witness since you clearly see yourself as the last word on this event.

catkind · 09/09/2018 21:55

I'm confused now. I thought you guys were okay with describing someone as black or disabled if that was the most obvious descriptor, but now you seem to be comparing it to saying they're ugly or smell. Most of the people who've actually identified themselves as black or mixed race on this thread have said it's fine to say and rather ridiculous to go out of your way to avoid, and that matches my experience in real life.
We all know racism exists and is still a problem. I don't think pretending not to see colour helps the problem. And I've never come across ethnic minority people doing it, it seems a self conscious white habit and to rather annoy minorities than anything else.

BertrandRussell · 09/09/2018 22:00

Personally- I think that "the black guy" is OK if there really isn't any other way of describing him-but I would be really uncomfortable with drawing attention to someone's disability. I think most people would be.

catkind · 09/09/2018 22:02

You wouldn't say the guy in the wheelchair?

BertrandRussell · 09/09/2018 22:13

Not if I could easily avoid it-no. It must be difficult enough without it becoming the most obvious thing about you.

Faithless12 · 10/09/2018 07:02

@catkind how do you know some of the people who haven’t identified themselves as being black or mixed race aren’t also saying call him by his name? I stand by the fact that if he is the only boy who was black on the playground that the OP’s daughter would know his name. Another PP has shared her experiences which match mine.

Faithless12 · 10/09/2018 07:09

@dottierichardson thank you for pointing out that people can google to find things out that they don’t know.

This thread is moving into other mumsnet school threads like where the OP doesn’t have a choice but to send their child to a school which is 99% full of children from one country in East Africa. As in it contacts facts which are likely untrue (OP’s daughter didn’t just call him the black boy) and that it brings out oh it’s PC gorn mad brigade. Funny how when there are threads about children being the only black/mixed race child mumsnetters believe that child should suck it up and have people not learn their name but point out the fact they are a different colour everyday.

catkind · 10/09/2018 07:36

Faithless, i didn't say I did know that. OP has said several times she didn't know his name. Were you the poster who gave the example of a small school and an extroverted child? Suggest that's more to do with the extrovert and the small school than the skin colour. In large school kids just don't know everyone's names. I don't think OP said he was the only black boy in the school either - for it to be a useful description he only had to be the only one in the group she was gesturing at. DC's school has precious few black kids, I don't know if DD's friend is the only one but I haven't noticed any others. DS didn't know her name until DD brought her home to play, why would he? How would he?

roguedad · 10/09/2018 07:56

Weighsandmeasures

If you Google it you can find many discussions of the black vs African American issue. It’s become a problem especially when people have grown up in a coummunith where AfAm is the only descriptor used. I first encountered it when teaching at MIT and listening to Black/AfAm activists.

You are also right to pick me up on the potential for a “sensible majority” to be a biased group. Where I was working we had a lot of diversity in gender, ethnicity and faith within universities and it was a reasonable baseline. I was tying to raise a more serious issue that the mere perception of an insult had overtaken the need to establish real intent to insult.

BertrandRussell:

The issue that was “strange” was that Irish Americans were very sensitive about Irish jokes but Irish Republic folks told Irish jokes. I do not find anything strange about any community telling jokes about themselves. Indeed it is a healthy sign. There are interesting questions for comedians as to where they are allowed to go and whether it is only members of the targeted group that can do jokes. There are now some very funny disabled comedians
building humour out of their own situation but I doubt that Mike Macintyre could get away with disability jokes.

Rosetintedglasses454 · 10/09/2018 08:28

So I wonder if the op will post the outcome of the discussion with the teachers to put speculation to rest and send all those people who are fueling the debate about whether it is acceptable to call someone xyz even if that person is upset by the description, to bed as well.

Weightsandmeasures · 10/09/2018 09:11

I googled and could not find it. Could not find anything about "black" being regarded as a racial slur.

Weightsandmeasures · 10/09/2018 09:47

I'm an American and it is news to me. I'll keep googling but if you can share something easily accessible, that'd be great.

MistressDeeCee · 10/09/2018 10:03

Funny how when there are threads about children being the only black/mixed race child mumsnetters believe that child should suck it up and have people not learn their name but point out the fact they are a different colour everyday

Exactly. There are always long-winded excuses for racism. These are people who make "othering" ok, then scream when their child perpetuates same and is picked up on it. It's those parents to blame, not the child

If I don't know someone's name it's no hardship to ask. Pp's pretending they routing say 'the black man/woman's are laughable. No, you don't - you ask or learn their name but you don't teach your DCs manners.

user1483972886 · 10/09/2018 10:03

Surely school should be about education especially as young as seven
Would it not be more helpful for the children to sit down and talk about how we feel when others describe us and how we are different and yet the same? Rather than labeling and punishing people?
We are talking about 7 year Olds here...

Faithless12 · 10/09/2018 10:06

@catkind no I was the poster who taught in a big school over 2000 student with sub 5 black children in a year and could find a black student by name. Kids do know names especially if the child in question is the only black boy/girl. You can’t have it both ways he’s either the only black boy so his name would be known or he wasn’t and therefore the description of black boy is odd as you wouldn’t expect to be described as the white woman in a room with other white women.

ChristinaMarlowe · 10/09/2018 10:08

Madness. Very confusing for your daughter too. I would take more offence if she went around the houses trying to describe him without saying he was black. If I want to describe my husband when I call his place of work I say his name and if they don't know how that is I add "the black chef" as its a description! Sorry your daughter is dealing with this. If that's definitely all she said then I expect the poor lad is as baffled as she is.

roguedad · 10/09/2018 10:15

I think you are seriously twisting it MistressCeeDee. Everybody should OF COURSE make an effort to know the name preferred by the child. But if they do not know the name then using some other identifier is fine, unless they are going down the road of being intentionally insulting. Intent is key. It's the start of a school year and it is perfectly possible, indeed highly likely, that kids have not yet learned the names of all the other kids. Get a grip.

RedSkyLastNight · 10/09/2018 10:22

When I was a child I was always called the "brown girl".
It may have simply been children commenting on the colour of my skin, but it also upset me and made me deeply uncomfortable.
"Black" may be an acceptable term to use while describing ethnicity, but I doubt a 7 year old would know that - more likely they were talking about the actual colour of the boy's skin - which clearly upset him, as per my experience.

MistressDeeCee · 10/09/2018 10:27

Oh do you roguedad. I think the OP should go into school with your twisting it attitude* and see how far that gets her. Maybe if the little boy was upset she should suggest he should 'get a grip' too

I went to school in this country pretty sure not everybody knew my name but the only time I was ever referred to by colour was by racists, and they got the answer they deserved. Most kids didn't do that so there's a reason they didn't, isn't there? I'd say they were taught better than to refer to people by colour and/or physical characteristics

Pretty dim not to realise or teach your DCs basic manners. There are even books on it. If you read, that is.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 10/09/2018 10:42

So is black as a descriptor offensive. I had this conversation a few years ago with friends and was told black was acceptable but coloured wasn't.

You don't always know someone's name or are able to find out. I'm referred to as the Irish mother around here. It's a descriptor. 30 years ago I was called a lot worse.

Weightsandmeasures · 10/09/2018 10:53

Thanks Roguedad. I thought you said AA considered being called "black" was considered a racial slur. I skimmed through the articles and the issue is very different from the simplistic idea that AA people consider it a racial insult.

I may be reading the articles incorrectly but from what I gathered, they do not support your original statement.

BertrandRussell · 10/09/2018 10:53

"So is black as a descriptor offensive"
No. HTH.

ballseditupforever · 10/09/2018 11:36

The police often use a persons skin colour in the description? I fail to see how your daughter has been racist. Is there a back story?

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