if you could afford to go private, should you?

[tankerdale]

Sometimes I worry that we've got our priorities wrong. We've ended up in a lovely large home with high running costs, we've got some but not loads of savings, most of our 'wealth' is in our house. Income is very good on paper but month to month we only manage to save a small amount, if any. I work 2.5 days, DH is full time. We have a nice lifestyle and I guess eat out a bit but I don't think we're otherwise extravagant, don't spend much on holidays, run 1 car, don't spend loads on clothes etc.

3dc, 2 already at primary school. We live in the catchment of what is considered a very good non selective state secondary but it is massive.

As it stands we couldn't afford to put 3dc through private secondary (there's a nice one nearby). But have we got it wrong? Should we move to a more modest home and prioritise paying for their education?

Feeling a bit guilty that we're not putting them first. Dc1 seems v bright and will probably be ok anywhere, dc2 I'm not so sure about and too early to tell with dc3.

If they go to the state school and have any problems I'm going to wish we made a different choice I think.

So - in principle, if you can pay for private - should you?

One too many politically's!

So flying, presumably you are one of the super rich since unlike 95.95 of the population you've heard of Sandy Lane.
What about less expensive areas of the island? Is mentioning them not boasting or is just talking about Barbados boasting?

Laughing as I type. . I think some of us deliberately did that. I was the one who brought up polo.

We had breakfast at Sandy Lane by the way the year before last. I didn't really find it worth the money particularly.If you want to mix with down market footballer types it might be okay or perhaps I'm just too stingy with money. The breakfast was fine.. oopps sorry 2014 you like it. Well we're all different and certainly the standard of the building etc I saw was very high, staff were attentive and in fact some of the family went back there later in the week.

I've never been on a private jet. My son was saying however loads of boys are getting cars when they turn 18 which puts their car in the shade (and for me their car - I hate cars - is the most expensive I ever bought).... but that's just because of the different values of most of their classmates - the need to show off wealth, the masses of gold at home (there is so much locally we had emails from the police about burglaries particularly after the gold and the expensive cars on drives.. no one will be targeting mine).

I don't think most of us think private jets or normal or that all 17 year olds get a car. I think most of us spend a lot of time trying to ensure our children are well aware of how people have to struggle. My relatives worked in mines. My grandfather left school at 12. My grandmother took a boat to India in the 1920s to be a servant. Life is hard and always will be for most people.

I think I live in one of the most fabulous locations on the planet. I am super lucky/happy/grateful.

So I fortunately don't need to play polo/go to Sandy Lane/have a private jet as being at home is just so fantastic!

I've never sat on a horse.
My dad however used to ride the pit ponies.

My dad's dad had horses stabled in the Bois du Boulogne so that they could ride round the park on his visits to their Parisien flat. I'm sensing some irony here....

Lots of horses in the Bois and western suburbs. DC here go to school in their riding gear on Wednesdays and Fridays so they can ride right after school.

Dd isn't hopefully moving schools for sixth form and the state school she wants to go to has horses/riding stable. Not sure if it's just for people who bring their own horses as theirs boarding as well.

Bobo you really are funny about things Parisien - you don't have a monopoly of the bloody place :) Of course lots of people don't still have horses at livery all the year round in 'the Bois' for their occasional use when visiting their flat in the 16eme, any more than it's the case in Hyde Park, for those with a pad in Mayfair. You can rent a horse out for sure, but you have to be insanely rich to pay for livery there. My point in juxtaposition to Carl's is that given how massively mutable wealth, status and class has been in the past century, it's completely pointless criticizing people for talking ponies - the next generation may be the ponied or ponyless, regardless of school. Certainly the very rich family I referenced earlier in the thread have paid a fortune for the biggest name school on the block and the children - despite being lovely - have all demonstrated an enormous lack of ambition. Clogs to clogs and all that.

Of course people own horses in Paris! Normal people! Sure you can't ride them on the périphérique but riding is super popular with Parisians.

Can we talk sailing rather than horses? I'm just not horsey.

I'm not horsey either

It just proves how the definition of wealthy has changed over the last 30 years !. I remember thinking how 'loaded' my sisters best friend , was when her dad picked the three of us up from the cinema in his Mercedes. It was also assumed that Grammar School Girls were 'POSH'. In my eyes my sister was a bit 'posh' because she went to University from her grammar in Dartford !

It was 'super' wealthy back then to have a 'Timeshare' in Tenerife , or maybe 'super' wealth was not paraded in front of people in a gross way . This form of exhibitionism of 'wealthy' families equally as offensive as watching Jeremy Kyle interviewees..

Well I'm delighted that riding has become so accessible post-war to the ordinary Parisien then Bobo :) It fits with my politics. I think the point I intended to make stands.

I agree that exhibitionism of wealth has become much more acceptable and widespread. It's very true in the South East of England where people routinely drive cars that are too big for them to manage and have massive kitchens stuck on to their homes.

Ha! Jeremy Kyle interviewees are offensive!

Empress we occasionally go sailing with the local fisherman to catch crabs. Just to kick off the convo.

My dp's going on the Tall Ships Race this summer......

Bobo glass houses . Clue: M*

Both sound fun to me!

Wow that's impressive Bert. Except I've just seen they're going to Szczecin which is where DS2 organised his rather dubious uni rugby team trip a year ago. He was pretty green at the gills when he came back so I hope your DP fares better!

Fourmantent This is why I help out local kids in the village I grew up in with their personal statements. They do not need to write the crap. Just a small piece about their motivators, a glimpse showing what they are about and some polish (perfect spelling and grammar).

This year I helped a girl whose parents are from Sierra Leone write her personal statement. The help from the school was non-existent. I ended up coaching so many kids I lost count. Probably about 25. Made me realize that an admissions tutor, who is looking at far more applications, is not looking at them unless they are a marginal applicant.

Was that an English state school, Want2besupermum?

Supermum I've been shocked by some of the advice from local schools re personal statements - it's been comprehensively wrong. This year I helped a really clever and motivated boy who should have been aiming for Oxbridge but whose teacher clearly knew nothing (he showed me her written comments) and whose grades were way below what he could have achieved had his father not been so arsey about letting him try for the grammar.

This year I found the UCAS personal statement generator tool surprisingly helpful. It gets applicants started and they don't get waylaid by superfluous stuff.

I work in university admissions and most personal statements read the same are boring as fuck. You can immediately tell which ones have been coached to within an inch of their lives for them.

I prefer the ones who have obviously done it themselves with little input.