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Original poster

if you could afford to go private, should you?

474 replies

tankerdale · 27/01/2017 12:37

Sometimes I worry that we've got our priorities wrong. We've ended up in a lovely large home with high running costs, we've got some but not loads of savings, most of our 'wealth' is in our house. Income is very good on paper but month to month we only manage to save a small amount, if any. I work 2.5 days, DH is full time. We have a nice lifestyle and I guess eat out a bit but I don't think we're otherwise extravagant, don't spend much on holidays, run 1 car, don't spend loads on clothes etc.

3dc, 2 already at primary school. We live in the catchment of what is considered a very good non selective state secondary but it is massive.

As it stands we couldn't afford to put 3dc through private secondary (there's a nice one nearby). But have we got it wrong? Should we move to a more modest home and prioritise paying for their education?

Feeling a bit guilty that we're not putting them first. Dc1 seems v bright and will probably be ok anywhere, dc2 I'm not so sure about and too early to tell with dc3.

If they go to the state school and have any problems I'm going to wish we made a different choice I think.

So - in principle, if you can pay for private - should you?

OP posts:
Bobochic · 02/02/2017 11:57

Bertrand - MNTV Wifeswap? Grin

RubyWinterstorm · 02/02/2017 12:06

Mary, I do agree, esp. with this" there are almost certainly cheaper ways to plug the gap. Have an educational environment at home, do educational things at weekends, pay for good extra curricular and holiday clubs/camps, invest in tutoring as and when needed."

Saying that, this is only available to people with money.

I imagine that even within comps there is a two-tier system of kids whose parents are supportive, and those who are not...

With supportive parents, and money (time) for tutors/after school activities, educational stuff a decent comp can be plenty good enough.

MaryTheCanary · 02/02/2017 12:16

Oh yes--plugging the gap, while cheaper, also demands a certain amount of money... that's the hard thing.

We should all feel privileged that at least we are in a position to make these choices and have different options, I guess.

The sad irony is that the kids who really would benefit most from a private school education are deprived kids--the ones whose parents are least able to afford it.

BertrandRussell · 02/02/2017 12:18

Loving the assumption that state school means a need for tutors........

mainlywingingit · 02/02/2017 12:20

It's other things too though my DS is at a prep school that is set in 90 acres of forest- he has lessons in tree climbing, lessons in den making - and if he doesn't really like rugby there is the option to opt for dirt bike riding on the school forest track or horse riding on site amongst other things so that sport has a place for them and they are not sidelined.

They have the class is an outdoor tent with logs as seats and a campfire in the middle with an outdoor pizza oven for lunch where they make their pizzas occasionally.

They have outdoor boiler suits and parents are warned that play is in rain/snow or shine
And that broken arms happen every ten years as they do encourage tree climbing which there is some risk.

It has the outdoor world that children can not so easily have these days and that is why I've chosen it as it's not a tarmac playground.

Extra tuition can not replace This.

PossumInAPearTree · 02/02/2017 12:22

We could afford private and don't. Mainly because the private school round us doesn't have a good choice of subjects in their secondary school. If they had a better range of subjects we may well have done.

BertrandRussell · 02/02/2017 12:24

Bobs- I can't begin to list the ways you would find my life unsatisfactory.....

Bobochic · 02/02/2017 12:26

Wife swap isn't so much about passing judgement as seeing whether the people can cope Wink.

Surreyblah · 02/02/2017 12:37

Extracurricular etc costs time as well as money.

Funding in state schools is a massive issue. Successful private schools have more money per pupils, which buys many more staff.

happygardening · 02/02/2017 13:01

"It's making a connection as a friend. I have no interest in even hearing much about their jobs and even less in getting dds a job there."
Couldn't agree more. 1. I can't think of anything less I want to do than talk about my job when Im out with friends and Im sure they feel the same. I can chat to anyone from any background and do regularly happily but this is completely different from asking them to give my DS's a job.
I do agree, esp. with this" there are almost certainly cheaper ways to plug the gap. Have an educational environment at home, do educational things at weekends, pay for good extra curricular and holiday clubs/camps, invest in tutoring as and when needed."
Well I couldn't "plug the gap" between what all our outstanding local state schools offered and what DS2's school offered even if I had the time and motivation to do it.

Bobochic · 02/02/2017 13:05

happygardening - you don't "ask your friends to give your DC a job" 😂😂😂

Your friends, entirely unprompted by you, invite your DC (whom they have known for ages) to come to their place of work for a tour/a day/a week...

Grewsap · 02/02/2017 13:06

Isn't that a bit crap? I thought we got cross when politicians did similar?

Bobochic · 02/02/2017 13:08

Public servants and the private sector do not play to the same rules. If you own a business you can invite anyone you like to look around.

happygardening · 02/02/2017 13:19

"Your friends, entirely unprompted by you, invite your DC (whom they have known for ages) to come to their place of work for a tour/a day/a week..."
I don't expect it or want it prompted or unprompted frankly. We lots of friends in very high up positions working for FTSE 100 firms etc it has never once crossed my mind that they might invite my DS "to their place of work for a tour/a day/a week". I accept my children to make their own way in life with out getting a leg up from people we know.

happygardening · 02/02/2017 13:19

Expect not accept!!!

Bobochic · 02/02/2017 13:24

Why do you feel so vehemently morally outraged about DC engaging in useful career oriented conversation with adults in their family social circle yet have absolutely no qualms about engineering a very selective and expensive education for your DC?

happygardening · 02/02/2017 13:24

My DH has had people to his business for a look round and even doing a weeks work experience, to see whats its all about. But most of these people approach him directly and are often people unknown to him. On a few occasions people I know/friends have asked me if I would ask him and I usually say he's happy to do this and then just point them at the company website and suggest they email him themselves.
Am I missing something here? If you want to do a tour/a day/week why can't your child contact the company directly why do you have to go through friends working at the company for this?

Bobochic · 02/02/2017 13:25

Honestly, happygardening, you need to examine yourself a bit there! The hypocrisy is mindboggling Shock

Bobochic · 02/02/2017 13:27

There's no "have to". It's what, quite organically, takes place among friends.

happygardening · 02/02/2017 13:32

I don't know, no one is perfect we are a mixture of ideas often contradictory well at least I am Grin. I just don't like it. I don't like nepotism, the you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours culture. I like people to achieve things by merit. Anyway Im not against career orientated conversation with friends my DS had one of those the other day with some friends but we're not talking about that when people say you get "connections" at independent schools we're taking about getting getting jobs etc not careers advise.
I am perfectly able to buy into the unfairness of a independent education I can understand those who are morally outraged and they are right to be because ultimately 36K+ buys you lots in comparison to 4k but my DS was given the opportunity to experience this type education and it was the type of education I believed in so took it.

2014newme · 02/02/2017 13:36

No private schools in our city have dirt bikes or horses.

happygardening · 02/02/2017 13:37

No where have I said that I'm not a hypocrite, although I'm not sure what particular comment I've made has suddenly prompted this accusation and why you have resorted to personal insults Bobo.
Actually abd IME don't we all have a bit of hypocrisy in us?

Bobochic · 02/02/2017 13:38

It is not nepotism to engage actively with your social circle for the purposes of career advancement. That is how business works.

happygardening · 02/02/2017 13:38

My DS2's school didnt either. Well certainly no horses I don't know what a "dirt bike" is.

Bobochic · 02/02/2017 13:39

I have not made any personal insults, happygardening. I am only describing your position, as stated by you.

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