Attendance of a child with diagnosed health conditions not good enough.

[EducationalWelfareMakeMeCry]

I am not handling this well.

This is not the first time this bunch have done this.

I took my child out of school for a spell to homeschool, as we couldn't cope with school and being hounded over attendance.

My child went back for year ten, and is ending that year now.

The lowest attendance level in the past was about 48%.

The more the pressurisation the worse attendance gets as it depresses my child. Their bullying and pressure is why it got so low in the past.

Left alone the attendance has been the best ever this year high 80's. I got a letter a few weeks ago and another today. They are on attack mode again.

They are abusing laws put in for truants to bully ill children so they can box tick. I am fuming. I told them to take me to court. The school seem to want nothing to do with it and it's all the LA now. School have been nice to my child since I told them we would be inviting the press to court if they take me.

My child has the same condition as a girl who appears in the Daily Mail health section today. She also has the same condition as the girl who has produced the Deliciously Ella cookbooks.

My child struggles to attend is in bed as soon as she gets home. Has her feet raised as they are so a hey this evening. She is exhausted and has no life outside trying to pass her GCSE exams and these shit heads are saying it's not good enough.

I am not paying g their fines and if she wants a day off she will. They are going to set targets for attendance without me. That's best if I go to the meeting I will go volcanic at them. What happens if I go to court?

These people and medical people have given me PTSD from all the years of hell they put us through. I can't go near them. I am fine intreacting with other people in society, I avoid these people who hurt us so I don't get upset/cry or get angry.

I have a right to an opinion and you don't get to tell me what to do.

The more they press for higher attendance, the lower the actual attendance becomes? That does kind of imply that a lot of the time she's missing is for reasons other than illness??

Getting "depressed" at being asked to attend school being a reason for not attending is very strange...

"I have a right to an opinion and you don't get to tell me what to do."

You posted on here for some advice and plenty of posters have given some really excellent advice, but when you reply in this defensive manner it is very hard to understand what you do want.

I sympathise with you on filling out DLA forms. I had to do it for several years, but a sarcastic response isn't very helpful.

I didn't 'tell' you what to do at all, hence the word 'suggest', and the 'please' at the end. This is a talk board and sometimes we can provide different viewpoints and try to change each other's opinions. I now understand from your post that the suggestion that you might like to be a bit more understanding to others who struggle with the same condition as you and your daughter, was not well received.

I would also like to share my opinion now which is that you are being really rude to people, many of whom have been trying to help and who absolutely do not judge you (I certainly don't) and know exactly how hard it can be to engage with educational and medical establishments when you have a chronic illness that is not well known. It is also my opinion that if you are going to act like that, maybe you shouldn't ask for help on a talk board?

I wish you both the best with your recoveries, and good luck with dealing with the school.

'You don't get to tell me what to do'
'Evilness'

I have serious concerns about your mental health and what you are projecting into your daughter who needs you to help her access education and proper medical treatment.

Jesus.....

Mumsnet, here to support parents.

I don't need to do what you tell me to do, as that is your stuff.

I give up.
Poor dd.

Why did you post then?

I have said several times for advice on court and fines. I have said several times I won't be ordered around by people speaking to me in critical parent.

If it does end up in court you are going to need medical evidence to support your case that your DD's attendance was all she could manage, due to on-going health conditions.

I can only suggest that you start now with trying to identify and contact any doctor whom you think would be able to be an expert witness for you.

I have reports from experts regarding the diagnosid. I have evidence the conditions are lifelong in our case. Pots in some people is a secondary condition and if the primary condition doesn't go away the pots tends not to.

There is evidence that during puberty pots and the joints get worse. I was at my worst during puberty, pregnant and a new Mum. There is evidence that leading up to and during menstruation that the muscular system is worse. I can present that evidence to the Judge.

I don't want to teach my child the things others on this thread do. I have worked on and off for years for her to be free, understood, improve all that can be and have good boundaries.

I think she has spent enough of her childhood pleasing suspicious ignorant "Authorities" so they can box tick. I am not going to be party to it any more. I am happier and feel less controlled by taking my chances in court with a Judge who will treat me with respect and look at the evidence properly and without an agenda. This way only I have to be inconvienced and dd can be left alone to get on with her life this time.

but any judge is going to say they are not a medical expert and defer to the experts - and if you have not engaged fully with them that will be noted and not go in your or dd's favour - hence suggesting you engage now ahead of court

I have engaged with experts and she was discharged. The main condition is untreatable and incurable. I have said this already.

Op, I am not saying this to judge or criticise you, but it is very clear that the help that you need, you won't be able to get from something like posting on MN like this. I do remember your previous posts too.

You need help and support in RL. Who is the person involved in your care or day to day living who you have the most trust in? Maybe your GP, from what you have said? Could you ask your GP to signpost you to actual RL support to help you address the issues you have? Health services, and I include mental health services here, involve a huge number of different specialisms and different people, with a blanket refusal to engage with any of them, you are cutting off any possible help which could be hugely beneficial to you. (I say this as I am a person with an unusual health condition myself which is very poorly misunderstood).

I know it's very hard but to me, you sound very troubled unwell and I sincerely and genuinely hope you are able to get the help and support you need, in your RL.

Thank you for your concern.

Just to explain slightly better, I am referring to your quote "I refused to go near mental health so there was no more the GP could do other than offer drugs".

When you are being advised that people feel your best bet is to "engage with experts", I think we understand that you feel your physical health condition cannot be treated as such, but there are many more options open to you, including MH specialists who may be able to recommend avenues to help you cope better with the mental effects better.

For example, I suffer severe and chronic pain. One specialist, for example, could not cure the pain, but they advised me on mindfulness and coping techniques to help me better play the hand I have been dealt, so to speak.

i hope I have explained myself properly!

I am separate to my child. Educational welfare don't get to make me go to school every day as I am not a minor.

Mental health locally are experts in run of the mill people, they are not experts in my conditions. They most likely never heard of them and I would be shocked if they had any training in treating them.

I don't want them harming us again and making life harder.

I attended a pain clinic a long time ago and it helped me pace myself, it was helpful. I am glad you were helped with your pain.

The main condition is the connective tissue is weaker than the average person. Connective tissue from head to toe, in your organs, veins, arteries, soft tissue supporting joints, skin and so forth. It can't be fixed. When they operate they make the connective tissue weaker and you can get new problems.

So your conditions are a medical phenomenon? Unique?

It's good the pain clinic was beneficial, I was a bit at first but was surprised at all different options on offer, from arranging injections, counselling, I had some help with sleep techniques etc.

I'm sure you know that mental health don't have to be experts on your physical condition to help you, just like the person who advised me on sleep wasn't an expert in my condition! You might just find that one person or team who can really help you, so it would be a shame for you to rule everyone out, particularly as you have so much stress going on right now.

I really think you are doing yourself a disservice by ruling any help from MH out, I hope you can maybe revisit that decision, with support from your GP or someone you trust.

Sorry to make you say it, and don't if you don't want to, but you and your DD have JHS/EDS as a primary condition, yes? With PoTS as a secondary. www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/434373/a-z-adult-medical-conditions-jun-15.pdf This may be useful for you if you haven't already seen it. You can see the special notes for both HJS and PoTS.

I don't have anything to offer you re. the court system as I have no knowledge or experience of it, but gathering as much up-to-date medical information on both your conditions, including whether or not they qualify as disabilities under the current rules, can only benefit you, I'm sure. You have the diagnoses, PoTS is a recognised and common secondary condition to JHS/EDS(Hypermobility type) so if you and your DD qualify as disabled, then surely there is some kind of discriminatory element of the EW system's approach to your DD? I don't know. Maybe you should post in Legal for info on the legal aspects of it.

I went before after the pain clinic referral, so they knew I had a physical health diagnosis and a psychologist made me more miserable than ever telling me it wasn't real and yes I read documents of them telling others it was all psychological nothing physical going on. I have had extensive tests it's real they were wrong and partly why I have ptsd. What on earth would make anyone want to go for another round of that?