Attendance of a child with diagnosed health conditions not good enough.

[EducationalWelfareMakeMeCry]

I am not handling this well.

This is not the first time this bunch have done this.

I took my child out of school for a spell to homeschool, as we couldn't cope with school and being hounded over attendance.

My child went back for year ten, and is ending that year now.

The lowest attendance level in the past was about 48%.

The more the pressurisation the worse attendance gets as it depresses my child. Their bullying and pressure is why it got so low in the past.

Left alone the attendance has been the best ever this year high 80's. I got a letter a few weeks ago and another today. They are on attack mode again.

They are abusing laws put in for truants to bully ill children so they can box tick. I am fuming. I told them to take me to court. The school seem to want nothing to do with it and it's all the LA now. School have been nice to my child since I told them we would be inviting the press to court if they take me.

My child has the same condition as a girl who appears in the Daily Mail health section today. She also has the same condition as the girl who has produced the Deliciously Ella cookbooks.

My child struggles to attend is in bed as soon as she gets home. Has her feet raised as they are so a hey this evening. She is exhausted and has no life outside trying to pass her GCSE exams and these shit heads are saying it's not good enough.

I am not paying g their fines and if she wants a day off she will. They are going to set targets for attendance without me. That's best if I go to the meeting I will go volcanic at them. What happens if I go to court?

These people and medical people have given me PTSD from all the years of hell they put us through. I can't go near them. I am fine intreacting with other people in society, I avoid these people who hurt us so I don't get upset/cry or get angry.

OP i really think you need to work on your own psychological issues before dealing with any of your dds school stuff.

You sound deeply troubled and unable to articulate your fears, you are just lashing out at people.

I work in education and engaging with the system is better than not.

As an aside, GPs cannot diagnose ptsd, you need to see a psychologist.

Why suggest being hurt and upset about the way we were treated for so long would make me somehow not on the same level as anyone else and speak to me like that? I would think you would have to be extraordinary to not have those feelings after those experiences.

I understand a psychologist can't diagnose anything.

Have you seen an EWO or social worker face to face? IME they can be very understanding and helpful.
The trouble is, if you haven't got backing from a consultant because of her diagnosis, school will carry on seeing her attendance as an issue, which, as difficult as it is for you, is as it should be, because education is very important. It's frustrating when the reason isn't truancy though.
Do you think school might give you the contact details of the EWO so you can send him/her your dd's diagnosis, a factual list of her issues and some of the links to articles that can give a clearer picture of what's going on without you having to be face to face with them, and without going into any other details which obviously make you very angry.

Given your past, it's no wonder you feel the way you do, but you do need to find a way to separate those feelings from the immediate things that need dealing with.
A psychiatrist would be the very person to diagnose PTSD and help you.

From your posts it doesnt sound like youwant help. You want sympathy, which you have in spades here. Trouble is that you want MN to edorse you world view, clearly that is not happening, there may be reason for that. I think you need to take a brake and then read through and digest what people are trying say. I hope tou are able to get the help you need and certainly need.

I know what's coming next after my posting but I am going to say it anyway.....
You are doing your daughter no favours. You talk of her as though she is a small child, lump her together with your 'reality'. Lots of 'we's. Refusal to engage at all, no proper medical care. She is year 10 and should be thinking of independence. It sounds like this is your all consuming battle. But is it though?
You as a package would attract attention. You can never go into school? Make targets?
I am just concerned reality is not your friend at the moment and a 14/15 year old is living that.
I have a crohnic illness. It refuse to give it more air time than it needs. I work full time etc. You just seem engrossed in negativity.....

I will see myself out.....

No I haven't seen them face to face. We moved area. We had horrific times with the last EWO.

I have seen a social worker from child protection to assess us after the new Dr and a specialist up. The new Dr due to no understanding of the conditions and being too lazy to read the history. The specialist sent a letter intended for another child to us. They closed the case.

I have had little to do with any professional since then. My dd saw the physio and goes to school.

I have lost faith. I am very fearful of them. There has been too much for too long.

I can't take them being horrible to me any more and having to point out they are not treating me as a fellow human they tend to speak down to me.

My final remark, sorry for being blunt, is that. You need to start acting like an adult, not an angry teen. When did you last engage with professionals? It is not clear from you posts. Perhaps it is time to give it another go. forgat how you feel, or they make you feel and think about how it might just help,your dd. i dont think i have heard you comment about your dds feelings in all of this, other than she likes school. Surely that should be your guide in how you proceed....

My dd is sick of social workers turning up wanting chats with her and being prodded and poked. My dd is just interested in her hobbies, her pet, dance moms and trying to do well in her tests this week so she can get the grades she needs on the sheet for college. My dd wants to be left alone to get on with her life.

What, every single GP, psychiatrist, psychologist, nurse, hospital medic and EWO has been cruel, ignorant and incompetent? Really, all of them?

Can you not see how that comes across? I have very extensive experience with health professionals in the context of an unusual and complex set of health problems, and I've encountered some truly dreadful ones and some deeply wonderful ones, with most somewhere inbetween.

If you experience all the professionals you encounter as cruel and uncaring, then that is a very strong heads-up that the problem does not lie solely or mainly with them, but with your perceptions and attitudes.

You've had a lot of good advice on here, and you've rejected all of it. That should give you pause for thought as well.

I honestly think with schools etc these days you have to play the game. If you're going to a ms school they will be shitty about attendance because if figures drop they'll get it in the neck. So the only way to 'get away' with low attendance (which in most schools is below 95%) is to engage with the school & have them onside. If you can't engage with them you will be in constant battle, it's not really the school's fault - they are assessed via tick boxes. Attendance is a key tick box & they have no wriggle room.

Honestly? If I was in your situation & felt the school were not understanding the issues & the professionals were lacking understanding about my child's condition I would sign up to interhigh or another Internet school (I think one of them, brite maybe makes the whole teaching session available to be watched whenever - helpful in cases of chronic ill health). Unless you can get the professionals onside this will continue until her attendance is 95%. The school has little choice.

You come across as defensive and confrontational. That doesn't bode well for any meetings with anyone in authority. As 404 had pointed out some HCPs aren't very good at their job, some are excellent and most are in between. I don't believe for one minute that they are all rubbish.

In my experience patients, customers or whatever are much easier to work with when they work with you, not against you. All your posts depict you as not wanting to engage with anyone who might be able to help you. This very negative view is extremely counter productive and is clearly resulting in those in authority treating you the way they do. You are behaving like an animal that has been cornered and are lashing out at anyone who goes near you.

Loads of posters on here have come up with constructive suggestions to help you and you are putting up obstacle after obstacle and looking for reasons to refuse help.

This won't help your daughter. Calling all professions f*ing knobbers and so forth is simply childish and unhelpful.

You need to take your daughter to the GP again and insist on seeing another specialist. Follow through the email you sent to school and make sure they understand your concerns for your daughter's health. Most of all you need to try and change your mindset from a negative one to a positive one and say to your self despite the setbacks I will overcome this.

You don't get to tell me what I need to do, you don't get to speak to me on that way and I have already said I have no interest in anything anyone speaks to me in a smug superior put down tone has to say.

I don't really understand why you posted op. Lots of people have sympathised with the difficult situation you are in and offered a different point of view that might be worth considering to try and make things easier in yourself. But apparently everyone is smug and superior, unless they agree with you which is almost impossible to do because of your aggressive attitude towards everybody.

What did you want to get out of this thread? Why post inviting advice on how to proceed and then put down anyone that offers it? I don't get it.

I asked for help with fines and court.

I don't want to be spoken to in an authorative superior tone by anyone.

If you are determined to read everything in an authoritative and superior tone, every poster will sound as if they are writing with an authoritative and superior tone. You have already decided we are trying to squash you before reading anything we have to say. We are not.

It sounds like you are stuck in victim mode and won't engage positively with anybody or anything, no matter what their intentions are. Until you get out of this mindset you will find life very difficult to deal with.

Op - you will not get help with fines and court as you have not done the right things re engagement for your daughter's sake to get help - the way to sort out the fines and court is to reengage and get her back into the system (and you too) - if you don't then I am sure you will have both courts and SS.

Judges with actual power and control in the precious court case will a not speak to you like a critical parent and as if you are inferior, they will listen to you not jump to conclusions ask questions and threat you with respect. I would rather deal with a Judge than a LA box ticker.

Secondly regarding SS I am aware that once a child is 16 they can vote legally with their feet where they live and what is medically done to their body.

Previous

What did the latest letter that has sparked this reaction from you actually say? The school will have a standard letter that they send out periodically to all carers of low attendance, it is unlikely that anyone has singled you out. What response, if any have you given to the letter?

As you have experience with court, are you really sure that a judge is going to be most appropriate a person to listen to your explanation for the low attendance? What evidence would you like to present to a judge? What do you think will happen if your case goes to court?

What have you suggested to the school would help with your daughter's attendance? What does your daughter think will help?

Would it be useful if your daughter could lie own in lessons and have someone write down notes on her behalf during the school day? Could your daughter benefit from being allowed to go to a quiet room to lie down during the school day if she is feeling exhausted? If there is some intervention like this that would help your daughter, then you will need to ask for it and provide evidence (from a specialist) that supports what you suggest would help.

What have you done to address your mental heath needs? What do you need to do? Try to write a list for yourself to clarify the steps you nee to take to get help- you will be in a better position to deal with school if your mental health is being treated effectively.

You know what I have been helped by this thead. I worked out some things I forgot. I forgot I am ok and you are ok. I was reacting badly to being told I am not ok and being spoken to in critical parent.

I worked out I am outraged at the plumber and being peasant woman.

You won't understand I forgot transactional analysis. Off to reread something.

Thanks for your time and effort all, you have helped, totally not in the intended way though with the intended outcome which is to have them stop making my child feel her attendance level at school isn't good enough.

You are almost incoherent OP.

Seriously you need help. Engage with the professionals and sort yourself out.

Five pages in and you think your critical parent put downs and ordering me around is going to work, ok if that's what you want to do.