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Original poster

Attendance of a child with diagnosed health conditions not good enough.

183 replies

EducationalWelfareMakeMeCry · 22/06/2015 22:30

I am not handling this well.

This is not the first time this bunch have done this.

I took my child out of school for a spell to homeschool, as we couldn't cope with school and being hounded over attendance.

My child went back for year ten, and is ending that year now.

The lowest attendance level in the past was about 48%.

The more the pressurisation the worse attendance gets as it depresses my child. Their bullying and pressure is why it got so low in the past.

Left alone the attendance has been the best ever this year high 80's. I got a letter a few weeks ago and another today. They are on attack mode again.

They are abusing laws put in for truants to bully ill children so they can box tick. I am fuming. I told them to take me to court. The school seem to want nothing to do with it and it's all the LA now. School have been nice to my child since I told them we would be inviting the press to court if they take me.

My child has the same condition as a girl who appears in the Daily Mail health section today. She also has the same condition as the girl who has produced the Deliciously Ella cookbooks.

My child struggles to attend is in bed as soon as she gets home. Has her feet raised as they are so a hey this evening. She is exhausted and has no life outside trying to pass her GCSE exams and these shit heads are saying it's not good enough.

I am not paying g their fines and if she wants a day off she will. They are going to set targets for attendance without me. That's best if I go to the meeting I will go volcanic at them. What happens if I go to court?

These people and medical people have given me PTSD from all the years of hell they put us through. I can't go near them. I am fine intreacting with other people in society, I avoid these people who hurt us so I don't get upset/cry or get angry.

OP posts:
Original poster
EducationalWelfareMakeMeCry · 23/06/2015 20:30

No I haven't spoken to my MP that's a good idea.

OP posts:
Teladi · 23/06/2015 20:43

Hello, I have POTS too. I agree with the posts of stressed33. If your daughter's POTS is having a long-term effect on her life, that means it is a disability and you have rights under the law. Your local Citizens Advice Bureau may be able to help you understand those rights to help you discuss your DD's needs with the school.

You should know that there is tremendous hope for young people with POTS. Many experience significant improvement and go on to live 'normal' lives. I should know, I am one of those, and I know many more.

You DO need to be your daughter's advocate here and I object to you saying that stressed33 and her DD have a co-dependent relationship, even though I don't know them. They sound like my DM and me, and thanks to my DM's assertiveness (NOT aggression) I was able to succeed at school and be prepared for higher education and adult life with this condition.

I wish you and your DD well.

letsghostdance · 23/06/2015 20:45

It sounds like you desperately need to remove your own issues from your daughter's. Your language is extremely aggressive and confrontational, and it sounds a lot like you have painted yourself as an eternal victim and will actually be happy with nothing...

stressed33 · 23/06/2015 20:51

Thank you for your kind words Teladi. I feel that it has been my job, like your mum to fight for dds health and education.
I don't see that as being codependant.
It's good to hear a positive POTS story, I hope you continue to do well.

PacificDogwood · 23/06/2015 20:53

The POTS UK website as some great inspirational stories on it, stressed, if you want to have a look. Including adult stories, pregnancies, work place etc. There IS life after POTS Smile

Original poster
EducationalWelfareMakeMeCry · 23/06/2015 20:54

My dds needs are met at school now. It took ten months and finally she has the tools recommend. She has extra time.

I disagree regarding stressed, she has poor understanding of the conditions to tell someone who has her dds condition to get a grip. I speak differently to my child when she is struggling like I am and I pity stressed dd if she speaks to her that way when she is upset.

OP posts:
Teladi · 23/06/2015 21:03

Glad to hear that the school are accommodating her. However, it doesn't sound like her needs are entirely met if the school/LEA (I am not in England so not sure of the exact process) are taking you to court and fining you re: absences? This is part of attending school with a chronic condition and something that you will need to discuss (calmly) and obtain medical backup for.

I actually volunteer with young people with POTS and often find that the reason they are not able to get what they need is to do with the behaviour of their parents towards medical professionals and schools. You don't need to lie down and roll over for them, absolutely not! But you do all need to learn to get along...

stressed33 · 23/06/2015 21:05

My daughter certainly doesn't need your pity. I'm not going to read this thread anymore, I didn't come on here to have my relationship with my daughter attacked. I have an extremely good understanding of the condition, my point is you need to step up as a mother regardless of your issues.

Shineyshoes10 · 23/06/2015 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Teladi · 23/06/2015 21:10

I didn't understand what you said about stressed33 on first reading of your post but I do now. Did you mean to be so rude?? I'm out as well...

I wish you and your DD luck, you're both going to need it!

Original poster
EducationalWelfareMakeMeCry · 23/06/2015 21:13

The school followed the medical and ot reports. That's what life is like with these conditions. I pick dd up and drop her off at school to save her energy and from injury.

OP posts:
Original poster
EducationalWelfareMakeMeCry · 23/06/2015 21:15

Yes as she was to me first.

OP posts:
PolterGoose · 23/06/2015 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
EducationalWelfareMakeMeCry · 23/06/2015 21:25

I did until they got nasty with me first.

OP posts:
TheMoa · 23/06/2015 21:28

OP, you've posted before under different usernames haven't you?

What screams out from all of your posts is a raging persecution complex. You can't even be civil to perfectly reasonable posters on here.

I'd suggest you look for help for your own issues as a matter of urgency, but I'm honestly not sure you are even capable of seeing a problem.

Shineyshoes10 · 23/06/2015 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

letsghostdance · 23/06/2015 21:31

OP, if you lash out at health professionals/LEA people in the same way that you have done to people in this thread then it is honestly not surprising that they have had to try and get tough with you. The most defensive people often have the most to hide.

Original poster
EducationalWelfareMakeMeCry · 23/06/2015 21:33

So if someone else tells me get a grip that is ok and it is not ok if I tell them to take a grip?

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 23/06/2015 21:35

Look at it another way: even accepting that somehow your brain functions differently to other people's, your approach is not working for you, is it?
You feel persecuted, you don't feel you have the help you or your DD would need, you keep coming up against obstacles.
Rightly or wrongly, the world around you is unlikely to change, so if you want things to be different then YOU have to change your approach, how you communicate and how you approach a problem/address people.

I really hope you find a way to improve things for yourself - the way you feel currently just sounds miserable.

LeChien · 23/06/2015 21:37

Op I'm fairly sure you've posted before.
One of the articles linked led to a top story about a girl with EDS, is this the main condition your dd has?
IIRC in the past (apologies if you are a different poster), you have been advised that an advocate could really help you.
Going by your op, I wonder if it would be possible to find someone who could either help you navigate through drs etc to find a sympathetic consultant who can back you up, or someone who could act as support so your dd could be home educated, someone who could arrange GCSEs etc.
Could you ask your GP to refer you to someone for the PTSD to hopefully get you feeling more able to deal with it all?
It sounds like you've got an awful lot on your plate Thanks

PacificDogwood · 23/06/2015 21:37

I think you've said the most profound thing in the first sentence of your OP:
"I am not handling this well" and I think that is true.
Whoever or whatever is to blame, your handling of the situation is not helping.
Try and address that and then hopefully good things will follow.

Original poster
EducationalWelfareMakeMeCry · 23/06/2015 21:46

I and others tried to get me an advocate.

I took people speaking to me in a superior smug way for so long I walk away from them now when I come across them in rl. I should do the same on this thread.

OP posts:
Peaceandl0ve · 23/06/2015 21:48

Hello op, i confess reading your posts is frustrating. Can you describe what a good state of affairs would be, given your admittedly difficult constraints. If you want your dd to get gcses, and it sounds like this is what she wants, you can either engage with the state system or do it yourself, you eill need to decide. What pathway does your dd want to persue? Pershaps that is where you should start.
Either way you need to look for, and engage with support that helps your long term vision becasue the suggestions you are getting here are not what you want.

PolterGoose · 23/06/2015 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
EducationalWelfareMakeMeCry · 23/06/2015 21:53

I have not asked for help for my dd in a while. She saw the experts, she had tests, they said they can't help reasons already stated. The school has now implemented recommendations extra time in exams and so forth.

We were happily getting along with things, then educational welfare decided her attendance wasn't good enough and it coincided with some other bad experiences and I am back to crying again as a result.

OP posts: