Best comment EVER on a school report

[GammonAndEgg]

I'll begin. Sitting comfortably?

Joe is perfecting his French accent. He must now realise that there are real words in the French language that he must try to say, instead of making up his own.

I was looking at some old school reports the other day - aged 14, I got, "Juliet needs to grasp that horses go to the East as well as the West!" From my humanities teacher who had asked me to draw a horse to pull a chariot he had made for a display, only to be told that he would have to redo the chariot as I could only draw horses facing left (still can't draw them the other way round!).

From my PE teacher: "Juliet could maybe achieve an acceptable level in this subject if it wasn't for her appalling sense of direction, as she appears to frequently lose her way on between the changing room and the sports field" In other words, I skived off

Juliet You are wise. The purpose of compulsory games is not to make children fit - it is to make them resourceful in finding ways to avoid them.

Being a swot makes for very dull mumsnetting in later life! My brother did once get detention for sleeping in.

At lunchtime.

Mine (from my last year in high school). It relates to Cookery...

"Unfortunately Shakey became unwell during he practical exam"

Truth was, my cake was the Shittiest Cake in Shitty Cake Land so I pretended to faint

I was described as "stubborn and argumentative" in a school report when I was about 8!

I wasn't a bad kid at all, but I'd just moved to a private girls' school from a small friendly village primary and the classroom environment was very different and much less accepting of the somewhat querky individual. To be fair both traits did and still do apply to me, but not in a negative way.

I preened when my mother read out the comment, 'Fading is truculent.' Aged 7, I thought I was being praised...

Latin (hated it) "Invincibly idle"

"MrBenn lacks hand-eye coordination therefore will never do well at PE however hard she tries"

About my father: For a child who has "done it all before", this is a shockingly awful set of results.

About me (aged 5): Pas's concentration is improving, but she can still be relied upon for all the class gossip.

Didactylos 'tends to be acerbic and provocative'
great word choice for a 13 year old girl

"His men follow him out of curiosity". Glorious!

I only remember two of mine from school. My English teacher said 'Liability is rather idiosyncratic' (which after I'd looked up the definition decided to take as a compliment) and the other was from the PE teacher who said 'Finally we've found a sporting activity that Liability enjoys!'

I love this thread!

My Dad's from a very long time ago: 'The dawn of legibility in his handwriting has revealed his complete inability to spell'.

The school report from the term before my exams my parents were basically told not to expect too much from me as I "only showed up to school for the social life"

I would love to add that I am I high flying lawyer/cardiac surgeon/lecturer but I'm not.
I'm not that daft though, I once won the million pounds on the Xbox "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" game.... still waiting for Chris Tarrant to post me the cheque!

fatty needs to remember that school is not a social event to attend as she pleases... that report (aswell as all of my other high school reports never made it home to my mother...yes the school idiotically gave us the report and trusted a bunch of teens!)

My DB long ago and still true, William's behaviour can only be described as eccentric.

My A level English teacher '306 has natural ability in this subject. She is a joy to teach...sometimes. The mood she is in on any given day will determine the mood of the entire class and the direction in which the lesson will go. She should be mindful of this.'

Am still a bit

Oh and in 1990 my primary teacher wrote '306 seems to think the fact she is a girl is not reason enough for her to be in the sewing class rather than the arts and crafts class. This is thankfully not her decision to make and she would do well to remember that.'

Report given by a colleague to a student. "His confidence outweighs his talents". In other words, not as good as he thought he was.

'Ophelia has been excused games this term'

My DM was quite surprised by this, as she hadn't excused me at all. I reminded her of the erasable pen I had purchased, and with which she had once written me a sick note for games. Changing the date every week had then been simplicity itself. She was so impressed with my planning (she had also hated PE at school) she just signed the reply slip without comment

PE
Hurdles are for jumping over, not for running through.
Itsall does just enough to get by in sports but would benefit from doing some form of exercise

From one teacher.. "from what I have heard from Mr S the English teacher, teen seems to be hardworking and rather talented."

"Teen really seems to enjoy the English lessons. seems to be in my class every day much to the amusement of colleagues who think I am imaging her."

the teachers really did think he was hallucinating. They would spend their lunch times in the pub, and many times he would try and convince them I was the mysterious student.

Gammon

your OP sounds like it was a school report of Joey Tribbiani