Best comment EVER on a school report

[GammonAndEgg]

I'll begin. Sitting comfortably?

Joe is perfecting his French accent. He must now realise that there are real words in the French language that he must try to say, instead of making up his own.

"Footle has made some useful things for the cave".
It was some time in the late Stone Age that I was in reception..

'Rory has a wonderful knack of laughing loudly at inopertune moments. If only he would tell the rest of the class what is going on in his head, we may all share the fun'. Y6 DS.

You've done a great job of making sure BoyPeas has..... Very high self esteem.

I haven't done anything, He gets it from his dad who is the smuggest of all the smug fucks

When Ds was 9, we were told he had "highly sophisticated avoidance techniques for handwriting"...

'Iklboo has acquired an increased control of body management'

That was when I was 8. I still have no idea what she meant.

Dh's report for woodwork in the 70s - N has no flair for using tools

We must be quite well matched, I once got 4% (yes FOUR) for a DT test.

Latin - excellent participation. Shame about the grammar...

Favourite of mine was

Honeydragon is able and talented but spasmodically motivated....

My boys regularly get versions of this comment:

"Oinklet has excellent general knowledge, and never holds back from sharing his knowledge with the class."

Translation: chatterbox.

Mine from the 70's:

Physics: Susan has wasted my time and hers this term

Needlework: I feel that there is little that I can teach Susan about sewing.

The latter from lovely teacher who was also our games mistress and I know liked me a lot - she teased me beforehand saying that I would love my needlework report and I could take it whichever way I liked!

My best friend's PE report:

Janet has continued to improve this year

Janet bunked off every lesson and could usually be found behind the bike sheds or down at the sweet shop

I had 2 brothers who were top in history and won all the prizes. I had hoped their ability was genetic-it wasn't! One parents evening the head of history told my parents that it was obvious I did all my own work!

An early primary school one of mine said 'Germgirl does not suffer fools gladly' a reference to the fact that I had no problem whatsoever in telling people they were idiots if I thought they were.
I'm still the same.

"Disgrace is to disapproval as water is to ducks." Also: "We expect great things of Disgrace, and we been expecting them for a very long time".

We have been. Cock.

My uncle got "very" for one of his reports. Very what we will never know. Was a top public school as well!

UniKitty has improved a great deal in tennis this term and now occasionally connects racket with ball.

PE: I wish Chameleon would put a bit more effort into the games she chooses.

Chameleon's Mum: I wish the PE teachers would notice that Chameleon doesn't actually do PE as she's doing an extra O level option.

I had a teacher refer to me as 'Jeremy'.
I am not called Jeremy.
I am not a boy.

I once got "Deal has developed a dry and very sarcastic sense of humour"

Which is fine until you realise it was my Year 2 report, and I was 6 years old at the time. I'm a cynic these days, but aged 6?!

Amazing that even on this thread a significant number of posts are teacher bashing!

Kbearboy is progressing well despite his asthma....

eh? what asthma

If Kbearboy participated in some extra curricular activities he might find something he enjoys...

what like scuba diving, rugby, taekwondo, science club and drama club, student voice and scouts? oh right.....

When I phoned the school and questioned this apparently the PE teacher thought he was Connor....

Hahaha- these are brilliant :)

After my parents died, I found lots of old stuff in their attic, including my dad's school reports. There were many hilarious comments on them, but my favourite was:

'Sometimes, in needlework for example, J can be slow and meticulous. In English, he can be slow and thoughtful. Sometimes, he is just slow'

Overall, his reports were completely scathing, which was very amusing to us as we had known him as an incredibly intelligent, driven and ambitious man who worked his way up from a tradesman to become Managing Director of a very large company, and ending his career as a highly paid consultant travelling around the world. Just goes to show there's hope for everyone!

One of DH's said that he could work well "when cornered like a rat" :o

Ha! These are great!