Best comment EVER on a school report

[GammonAndEgg]

I'll begin. Sitting comfortably?

Joe is perfecting his French accent. He must now realise that there are real words in the French language that he must try to say, instead of making up his own.

DH's school reports were dragged out by his parents the first Christmas I spent with them. DH is notoriously un sporty. His PE reports almost all said

"J needs to improve his ball skills"

After reading this gem out loud his mother leant over, winked in a saucy manner (we were all quite inebriated by this time) and said

"I bet his ball skills have improved by now"

. DH was very

We should have taken more notice of DD's first report when she was still in nursery

"X displays a lot of knowledge" She's 13 now and is still prone to telling us how she had to correct her teachers. She's such a know it all and unashamed to show it.

Groovee needs a 'blether' to enable her to get on with class work.

Not in a report, but at our last parents' evening dd1's teacher informed us that she like to tell her teacher "how to do things differently". So he'll be, ya know, teaching, and she'll pipe up that there are better ways to impart knowledge

She's 7 .

My Year 9 German report stated I was excellent at spoken French. Well, that's nice, I guess.

Year 10 report outlined my achievements in snooker. I have never played snooker in my life, and definitely would not have expected to do so at school...

We had parent teacher interviews last year.

DS1's teacher : he's settling in to his new school well. When he learns how to tolerate the rest of the human race, he'll be fine.
(He takes after his dad with high intelligence/ability to grasp concepts and patterns very easily - and after me with his lack of patience and irritability with other people)

DS2's teacher : he has a very high opinion of himself and his abilities, doesn't he? Luckily for him it's justified most of the time.
(Not sure who he gets this from, but he is just lucky - clever enough not to have to work too hard but not so much that it annoys his peers, cute and cheeky enough to get away with it if it does, but not so much so that it irritates his teacher.)

My all girls boarding school also awarded A-E attainment and 1 best - 5 worst effort. We all strove for A5.

Best - govey has wasted my time, her time and many of her classmates' time in geography, I strongly recommend she selects history for her GCSEs.

Entirely fair.

OhMrGove Did your geography teacher have it in for the history teacher?

DH was described as being like a "curate's egg".
This is defined on Wikipedia as "A "curate's egg" describes something that is at least partly bad, but has some arguably redeeming features."
He was a bit naughty at school.

My A level English teacher kindly sent us each a good luck card with words of wisdom. Mine said 'write legibly, it will increase your chances of success no end'. He had a point!

No homework
No marks
No effort
0%

Mr Dyson 2nd year physics, I'm still proud

My dad's report for woodworking said 'has no talent, does not try' it always makes him chuckle.

Both my inlaws were teachers and a large no of friends are also teachers, so he choose his father of the bride speech at my wedding to impart some of the best ones. The best one being "on the rare occasion that cathpip has managed to find her way out of the art department and into her history lesson, she may find that her knowledge on the subject and hence her grade might improve!" This was from my A level history teacher aka mrs cathpips mum (I failed history, but passed art:))

I once got Faith's aptitude for geography is only marred by her lack of enthusiasm for the subject

Age 3

Liara is doing better but continues to have a tendency to fall off her chair.

My DD's end of term report card from tap and ballet - she was three - said "Mini Cormoran has a lovely smile" . Takes her dancing talent from me then.

I am howling with laughter at this thread timely as I found my own reports from primary school yesterday!! Going to dig them out again...

They didn't hold back, did they? A friend's insufferable son wanted to be a clinical psychologist cos, at 13, he knew all about it, didn't he...teacher wrote "y would be an asset to any lab -as an experiment"

Friend complained to the (expensive) school. The school backed the teacher .

At last week's parents evening. ''Ds needs to continue working on telling the time.....long pause... He needs to stop drawing his clocks with four hands'

One of my reports said " If hooker actually shut up sometimes, she may actually learn something"

Another junior army officer report as seen by my dad

"His men follow him out of curiosity"

Discussed this thread with DSis who told me that at her [girls'] school the gym teacher once wrote of another girl that [Name's] motions are rather stiff.

I am guessing that unlike mine that gym teacher didn't also teach English. At least I hope not.

This lovely little report was from my needlework teacher:

"Bell brings out the absolute worst in me."

My best friend and I both had ablonde ponytail and were about the same height. I, however, had been cooking apple crumbles for years as we seemed to have it for pudding almost every Sunday. So I was definitely not me who put my crumbles in a plastic dish before putting it in the oven. In my school report I still got, 'Remember plastic dishes don't go in the oven!' I am lucky my mum didn't disown me!

I had "Oldspeckledtam is showing interest in Environmental geography". When my me saw the teacher at parents eve she queried it and was told "Well, she looks out the window a lot!"

My RE teacher called me a 'Garden of all virtue'

I write reports now and try to be as truthful as I can. I've only had one returned by leadership team "Charlie is easily distracted by other children, passing dogs and his own shoelaces, which can prevent him from completing the tasks set ." It was true, but deemed inappropriate. I think it went out as "Charlie is easily distracted by the world around him and must learn to manage his time effectively."

When I sat my French oral exam I spoke in English with a French accent.
Needless to say I failed!

My report was priceless.

One of my PE reports said 'Tried hard but has no natural athletic ability'.

I think that's a little harsh.

It's not like I was a stranded jellyfish or something - I could walk upright and even break into a trot if absolutely necessary