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Best comment EVER on a school report

243 replies

GammonAndEgg · 21/03/2015 08:52

I'll begin. Sitting comfortably?

Joe is perfecting his French accent. He must now realise that there are real words in the French language that he must try to say, instead of making up his own. Grin

OP posts:
LadyBaelish · 21/03/2015 14:13

At a parents evening we once got 'Lucas is very confident speaking to others in the class, so much so that he is able to hold a 50 minute conversation with whoever I sit him next to!' he gets that from me

julker · 21/03/2015 14:17

I once got an awful report at parents evening and parents were shocked, questioned teacher further and she had me mixed up as there were two girls called Claire in the class and I sat next to one of them but had mixed me up with the person who sat next to the other one!

Another teacher asked us beforehand to say who we were as we approached the table so that she wouldn't get us mixed up, quite a wise move considering she once said to me "julker is absent today..."

Andrewofgg · 21/03/2015 14:17

Comment from my PE teacher (who taught other subjects too, but not to me) when I was 12, in an otherwise good report:

He has wasted all his time and too much of mine.

On the first day back he asked me to repeat out loud in the changing room what he had written, which I did: cue nervous laughter from the other boys who probably knew that he had no business doing that.

Then he asked me what my parents had said.

My Dad said you're right, Sir, games and PE are a waste of the time of intelligent pupils and half-intelligent teachers, and you should stick to History and English, he'd heard you were adequate at those.

Cue laughter that was not at all nervous and entirely at his expense, and he had to pretend to join in, because he knew, and I knew he knew, that that was exactly what my father had said.

And a few years later when I was studying for the law and learnt the first rule of cross-examination which is Never ask a question to which you do not know the truthful answer I remembered the poor silly chap trying to be an amateur cross-examiner and coming unstuck!

AnnaBegins · 21/03/2015 14:23

Improbable I got the exact same grade at high school in PE...

Lavender not just in the 80s for those hide the talent comments, at a parents evening in the early 2000s my parents would told I shouldn't put my hand up to answer all the questions in a certain subject as it wasn't fair that I always got them right!

ClashCityRocker · 21/03/2015 14:26

'It is difficult to determine how much progress clash has made in RE this year, given that she has attended less than half of the lessons.'

'Whilst clash often demonstrates good leadership qualities, she usually chooses to do this in an inappropriate way'....this was after I rallied my fellow year elevens to go on strike to protest having to wear brown trousers.

Pipbin · 21/03/2015 14:31

My favourite from primary school, in the early 80s: 'Pip is very pale and often withdrawn, is she ill?'

AlpacaMyBags · 21/03/2015 14:34

My son used to get a sheet from nursery when he was a baby, detailing what he'd done/ eaten/ nappy changes/ sleeps. The one from his first day there said 'DS was a little fussy at first, but was fine once he'd had a bowel movement'. That was the moment I knew he was destined for great things.

lavendersun · 21/03/2015 14:36

Anna, my mum was a music teacher (not at my school), I did three grade eights in my secondary years - no wonder I was seen as 'talented', thing is, how do you hide it really - bonkers.

Unimaginable really isn't it.

This thread keeps making me laugh!

waterproofteabag · 21/03/2015 14:37

Comments from my school reports:

Miss T.Bag has considerable abilities, but I have yet to see her apply herself in my subject (I.e. I spent more time messing around than working)

On my art report in 3rd form (year 9). It is of my opinion that T.bag would be best not choosing this subject for gcse as I feel this subject would not represent an effective use of her time . I always was, and still am shit at art and drawing.

TwinkleThis · 21/03/2015 15:00

What teacher bashing, Hakuylt?Confused

youarekiddingme · 21/03/2015 15:11

Ds Needs to concentrate more in literacy to spell his high frequency words correctly.

DS name was spelt wrong in this sentence! Spelt correctky the rest of the way through.

Made me laugh so hard because this was by a teacher who did wonders for DS in the year he was in his class.

chrome100 · 21/03/2015 15:25

in Year 4:

"I often think Chrome does not realise that tapestry requires concentration".

To be fair, this was after I'd spent a term trying to thread the bloody needle and everyone else had done the whole sky.

Crafty shit has never been my forte.

HHH3 · 21/03/2015 15:38

DS1 at a parents evening in Year 3 (he's year 6 now)

'I'd love to get inside his head. It must be a wonderful place seeing as he spends so much time there.'

He's still a daydreamer and can find it hard to concentrate. Every single parents evening and report til then had been the same 'he doesn't concentrate' so it was nice to hear it put in a different wayGrin

GentlyBenevolent · 21/03/2015 15:46

My boss likes to say that the best comment he ever got on a school report was the following:

XXX has made no effort and he has achieved nothing.

This was for metalwork. I am fond of pointing out that he didn't even achieve being chucked out of the class, as I was for not only cookery but needlework also.

Andrewofgg · 21/03/2015 15:47

My DF was a teacher and was blind:so he had to dictate his reports to a colleague and keep them short. I have vivid memories of sitting, age I suppose 5 to 7 (he was secondary and I did not know any of his pupils) firing out such gems as

He could and should work

She has worked to her entire satisfaction

I don't suppose you could get away with it nowadays.

nicenewdusters · 21/03/2015 16:23

Many years ago at work we came across a staff report (Civil Service) from the early sixties.

"Mr Xxxxxx reminds me of nothing so much as Mr Godfrey from Dad's Army".

He was the aged, bumbling soldier who lived with his sister Dolly and liked cake.

Mr Xxxxxx had long since retired, nobody knew him, but we all wished we had!

pointythings · 21/03/2015 16:43

DD1's report in Yr 3 said she had 'strong leadership skills'.

Yep. She was bossy then and still is now. She's better at hiding it now, though. Grin

Annunziata · 21/03/2015 16:44

DD2 attempted maths in creative and unusual ways.

DD2 never had a clue what she was meant to be doing, but gave it a go anyway Grin

Clawdy · 21/03/2015 17:09

"Nobody is so stupid that they can only get 3% in a maths exam. Clawdy would have had a really good report if it were not for this ridiculous mark".

I remember hiding the report so my dad didn't see it.

Andrewofgg · 21/03/2015 17:19

The Army has a collection of annual reports on officers in days when their seniors could say what they meant.

I understand that Captain * comes from a rural background. he is depriving a village of its idiot.

And one on a certain Bernard Montgomery, just before the First World War:

Captain Montgomery thinks there is nothing but dead wood between himself and the Chief of the Imperial General Staff.

He didn't change, did he?

softlysoftly · 21/03/2015 17:25

My sister got:

"I understand softlysister would like to continue to Art GCSE, we would encourage her to consider expression through photography"

Folliwed by "softlysister would possibly make a good critic"

Translation "can't draw for shit"

Summerisle1 · 21/03/2015 17:28

When my dm died I found that she'd kept all my school reports. My own dcs were amused by:

History: Summer needs to realise that her undoubted talent as a writer is not an adequate substitute for historical accuracy.

I remember this well. I'd spent the summer term lazing around mightily and spent the 3 hours of my History mock writing up a very scholarly storm. Almost all of it complete and utter bollocks. Especially when I put Napoleon in charge of a battle that occurred about 50 years after his death....

Boswollox · 21/03/2015 17:32

DS has a 'very righteous personality'- yep, don't I know it!

MehsMum · 21/03/2015 17:50

We used to read our reports out to each other on the bus home. A-E was result, 1-5 was the effort expended (D3 for hockey, me: God knows how I didn't get E5, given how much I hated it).

The best one was one boy's for A Level music: 'A1. Duncan's work is very.'
That was it.

Takver · 21/03/2015 18:06

From one of my Mum's school reports:
"Takversmum would achieve more in school if she attended more frequently"

And when she left:
"We are sorry to hear that Takversmum is not aiming for any career higher than that of a bank clerk"

They were blunt in the 50s Grin (But my mum did very well for herself in the end)