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Original poster

I think I might have just ruined their lives

108 replies

Hideehi · 09/10/2006 22:33

Dramatic but seriously i think i've fucked up big time.

DS (twin 1) has not settled at his school at all and has played up every morning since term began and complained he wanted to go back to his private school which wasn't very good and was extremely expensive so when my marriage broken down we moved him to the local good state school where he has been miserable ever since. I've also got remarried and had another set of DS twins much to his disgust.
So to the point of the fuck up, this morning whilst trying to force him into his uniform I thought stuff this you can go back to MH (the private school) well he was dressed in minutes and genuinely utterly delighted, they took him back in an instant, well they would wouldn't they.
Two major problems, we can't afford it, I'll find a way but really we can't afford it and I now have to split myself in half to do two school runs.
I don't think there's any way back from this is there - I have to de register him tomorrow - the school will hit the roof but he did smile for the first time coming out of school today.
Somebody please reassure me i'm not completely nuts.

OP posts:
nutcracker · 09/10/2006 22:34

How old is he ??

Original poster
Hideehi · 09/10/2006 22:36

9 yrs

OP posts:
cece · 09/10/2006 22:36
Hmm
Heathcliffscathy · 09/10/2006 22:36

in the nicest possible way...

make up your mind and stick to it.

you are the parent here.

i think you have fucked up. but we all do that. what isn't fair is to keep prevaricating, changing your mind.

collision · 09/10/2006 22:36

oooh heck.

Dont know what to say but wonder if you were a little hasty in saying he could go back.

If you cant afford it, why say he could go back? If the school was lousy, why would you want him to go back?

How old is he and are you sure he wouldnt have eventually settled down?

Sorry to be noooooo help at all.

hairymclary · 09/10/2006 22:37

I think a happy child in a not very good school will do better than an unhappy child in a better school.

nutcracker · 09/10/2006 22:38

Ok, let me make sure I have this right first.

He used to go to private school, but then when your marriage broke up he started at local state school. He doesn't like it though and so today you took him back to private school knowing you can't afford it and now have to remove him and send him to state school again ??

Do i have that right ?

cece · 09/10/2006 22:38

looks like he won that battle.

Seriously I would sit him down and explain why he can't go to the rpivate school. Then take him back and stick to it. He will like it once he gives it a chance.

Original poster
Hideehi · 09/10/2006 22:39

I think he's going to the private school and I'm on beans on toast.

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 09/10/2006 22:39

if the school was so bad why was he so happy there but miserable at the new school? imo a school isn't a good school unless it can make the child want to learn and to enjoy being there. the new school might be technically better but if the old one made him want to learn then it's better for him

thats absolutey no help to you in relation to the cost thing though, sorry!

misdee · 09/10/2006 22:39

how the heck are you going to afford it?

WitchICouldGiveUpWork · 09/10/2006 22:39

Hmm-not sure I could face de-registering him-not sure he would ever trust you again-give something one minute and take it away the next...
Sorry this sounds so harsh but I think you have to find a way of making it work...somehow

collision · 09/10/2006 22:40

no nutty.

As it stands she said today he could go back but is now wondering if she can afford it and if she can cope with 2 school runs.

I think you should send him to the state school and say sorry but you were under pressure.

Original poster
Hideehi · 09/10/2006 22:40

There's no way I can take him back is there ? Plus they'll bill me for the term now anyway so i'll have to pay that. And i guess his state school place will be snapped up instantly.

OP posts:
nutcracker · 09/10/2006 22:41

I have to say I am a bit stunned that you would agree to send him back if you know you cannot afford it and may well end up removing him again.

I understand you being worried that he wasn't happy in his current school but to send him back to a school he loves only to probably end removing him again is cruel imo, sorry.

Can you not find another state school ??

Also what if he keeps chopping and changing his mind ? Your the parent, it's up to you to sort it out and stick to it.

cece · 09/10/2006 22:41

He has had a lot of changes recently. Homelife andschool. he needs a chance to settle in and be prepared to give it a chance.

RE the money thing. he is old enough to be shown your household budget and understand there is not enough money for him to go to the private school.

nutcracker · 09/10/2006 22:42

Oh right ok, sorry cross posted. He does know you have re registered him for private school though, have I got that right ??

lisalisa · 09/10/2006 22:42

Message withdrawn

PinkTulips · 09/10/2006 22:42

can ex-h not pay for it?

cece · 09/10/2006 22:42

would they really bill you for a whole term if he only did one day !?!

OMG now I know why I didn't even go there...

edam · 09/10/2006 22:42

Christ. Is there any way, at all, you can avoid de-registering him? Because this is going to be appalling.

soapbox · 09/10/2006 22:43

What on earth possessed you?

Most people agonise over this type of decision for months - and yet in the space of a morning you've whipped him out of one school and put him into another one, without any means of being able to pay for it.

Sadly, I think there is absolutely no way you can backtrack on this - so you need to start thinking of ways that you can make/save money. Ebaying, weekend job, evening job etc etc.

Original poster
Hideehi · 09/10/2006 22:44

This hoohar started at 6am this morning ad he was in the private school by 9am. I've told the state school where my other 2 are perfectly happy he's sick but i'll have to confess tomorrow and am terrified.

OP posts:
soapbox · 09/10/2006 22:44

cece - I am assuming that since the OP has remarried and had twins since she moved her son out of private school into the state school, he has had plenty of time to 'get used' to it!

PinkTulips · 09/10/2006 22:45

stop being so harsh people, she made a snap decision because she was worried about her childs happiness. no need to make her feel even worse than she already does!