I think I might have just ruined their lives

[Hideehi]

Dramatic but seriously i think i've fucked up big time.

DS (twin 1) has not settled at his school at all and has played up every morning since term began and complained he wanted to go back to his private school which wasn't very good and was extremely expensive so when my marriage broken down we moved him to the local good state school where he has been miserable ever since. I've also got remarried and had another set of DS twins much to his disgust.
So to the point of the fuck up, this morning whilst trying to force him into his uniform I thought stuff this you can go back to MH (the private school) well he was dressed in minutes and genuinely utterly delighted, they took him back in an instant, well they would wouldn't they.
Two major problems, we can't afford it, I'll find a way but really we can't afford it and I now have to split myself in half to do two school runs.
I don't think there's any way back from this is there - I have to de register him tomorrow - the school will hit the roof but he did smile for the first time coming out of school today.
Somebody please reassure me i'm not completely nuts.

I think you are stuck with him in private school for now. But I think that you need to make it very clear to him that at 11 there is no choice and no whingeing etc. He has to go to grammar school. I don't think you can let him make the decision for you - you have to tell him what's what and stick to it. At 11 he will be perfectly able to understand about finances and the potential cost of putting 5 children through private secondary school.

I'm in a minority, but I think you did the right thing, based on your description of how unhappy he was and given that he'd been in the state school for some time already (and given that you can afford it with scrimping and saving). Being in a school that really doesn't suit them and makes them desperately unhappy can screw a child up for life. Agree with Pollyanna, though, that you need to get your parameters for what happens at 11 (or whenever it is in your area) laid down now, though.

One friend hinted i should get him back there asap, but she said she wouldn't drag him there which what i would have to do, physically put him in the car, which i don't mind telling you is not easy. He will not put the uniform on he goes utterly bonkers which is why i snapped on monday and threw his old uniform at him and said just go back then.
It state schools school photo's tomorrow and they said tell him we've missed him and would love a photo, really can't see that working.

We're having a chat tonight about the fact that at 11 he will have to go to state school evem if he flunks the 11+ which i'm worried he might do on purpose but I am going to make it clear there is no more money beyond the next 2 years and he will have to go without some treats too so we can still have a holiday of some sorts.

I have a freind with 4 daughters and she sent one daughter to private school for a year cos she'd got in w/ a bad crowd at the comp. The daughter didn't want to return to state school, but she had 2 years in private and then had to return to state; then the parents put each of the other two in private schools (different ones according to their needs) in their turn, so they each got 2 years of private. If your other DC don't want to move schools you could give them somtehing else for the money, a trip or something when tthey're older- but this would all have tp be understood by them now, what they're getting etc.

FWIW, I think it's lovely for him that, with all the change, misery at school and now 2 new babies, as one of five children he knows you care enough about him as an individual to do everything in your power to help him to be happy. If ex-H's money pays the fees and the others are happy, where's the problem? You can reassess the situation in 2 years' time.