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Original poster

I think I might have just ruined their lives

108 replies

Hideehi · 09/10/2006 22:33

Dramatic but seriously i think i've fucked up big time.

DS (twin 1) has not settled at his school at all and has played up every morning since term began and complained he wanted to go back to his private school which wasn't very good and was extremely expensive so when my marriage broken down we moved him to the local good state school where he has been miserable ever since. I've also got remarried and had another set of DS twins much to his disgust.
So to the point of the fuck up, this morning whilst trying to force him into his uniform I thought stuff this you can go back to MH (the private school) well he was dressed in minutes and genuinely utterly delighted, they took him back in an instant, well they would wouldn't they.
Two major problems, we can't afford it, I'll find a way but really we can't afford it and I now have to split myself in half to do two school runs.
I don't think there's any way back from this is there - I have to de register him tomorrow - the school will hit the roof but he did smile for the first time coming out of school today.
Somebody please reassure me i'm not completely nuts.

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 09/10/2006 22:59

i think hunkers idea ofkeeping him off both schools tomorrow and having a grown up conversation with him about the affects (monetary and otherwise) the change will have on the family is great advice. he may turn around and make the right choice all by himself

hairymclary · 09/10/2006 23:00

can you sit down with him tomorrow and explain things.
that it was a hasty decision on your part and that it'd be better for everyone if he went back to the state school.

also ask him to make a list of what he dislikes abnout the state school and what he likes about the other one. That way maybe you can work on some of the issues.

does he still see his friends from his old school?

collision · 09/10/2006 23:02

why is he so unhappy at the other school? Is he just a bit miffed that he had to leave the other school and go to the state school?

Life isnt easy and I wonder if doing this will make him think that he can always have his own way.

soapbox · 09/10/2006 23:04

I'm sorry, but I disagree - I just don't see how you can change your mind/convince him otherwise now.

I think you are stuck with teh choice you made, but you'll find a way. I think if it was utterly impossible, it wouldn't even have crossed your mind as an option this morning.

Different children need different things from us as parents - you'll find a way of squaring it with your other children.

Original poster
Hideehi · 09/10/2006 23:07

what am i going to say to the state school do you think they'll be arsey with me for takkig him out and still having the others there ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hideehi · 09/10/2006 23:08

I agree with soapbox i think i've done it now he has to stay, it's not fair, he's got what he wants but i guess the price of it will becaome apparent at christmas.

OP posts:
soapbox · 09/10/2006 23:08

No, I don't think so. I presume they knew how unhappy he was? If so I think they will just see it as the best thing for DS. If it is a good school they will fill hte place no problem

Original poster
Hideehi · 09/10/2006 23:10

Yes they know/knew but i'm worried they'll think i'm an idiot for pandering to him and then treat me like an over indulgent mother with the others.

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 09/10/2006 23:14

it's not like you dragged him out after just a few weeks, you gave him every chance to settle in and for whatever reason he couldn't. hardly makes you a panderingmother does it? not to mention you have twin 5wo babies! hormones must be raging and your mothers instinct to make your child happy kicked in, thats not a crime!

nearlythree · 09/10/2006 23:15

What about home-ed? Hard with twins, but maybe some of what you would save on fees could go on help for you?

collision · 09/10/2006 23:16

Hijack alert!!

how shocked were you when you found out you were having another set of twins????????

I would have been on the floor!!

cece · 09/10/2006 23:16

Is there another state school he could go to?

Original poster
Hideehi · 09/10/2006 23:17

home ed would just about push me over the edge i think I'm waiting for PND to kick in as it is.

Thanks for reassuring me, just casually mentioned it to dh, he's cool bless him.

OP posts:
collision · 09/10/2006 23:17

what a lovely DH!!

Original poster
Hideehi · 09/10/2006 23:18

cece there's nothing wrong with the state school he was at he just wanted to be at the other place, hed's only got 2 years to go i'm sure i can face all the tears and upset. I'll just have to get that job !

OP posts:
ComfreyHumphreyCushion · 09/10/2006 23:19

Time for a family discussion, I think.

Let everyone put their point of view across, and see what comes of it.

I think you reacted out of sheer worry this morning, because your son has been unhappy for a long time.

Being unhappy at school is not a recipe for learning.

My son was deeply unhappy at school too - so I took him out and home educated him! (and some posters think you're crazy! )

I can see where your desire to protect your son took over, and I think you'll be able to work out a solution that is best for all your children, and for you and DH.

Good luck.

Original poster
Hideehi · 09/10/2006 23:20

collision i cried for 4 months because i knew what was ahead, even thought about letting the older ones stay with their dad for a bit.
I never thought i'd survive the first pair, nevermind the 2nd lot and of course being boys i know they are going to be so active and physical not like my dd who loves drawing and cuddling.

OP posts:
ComfreyHumphreyCushion · 09/10/2006 23:21

Sorry, that post was way out of date. Started typing, DS2 woke up, finished typing, and things have moved on.

Ignore my irrelevance!

cece · 09/10/2006 23:22

'there's nothing wrong with the state school he was at'

Well there was as he didn't like it for whatever reason. A different state school maybe able to meet his needs better. Just an option that may be cheaper...

nearlythree · 09/10/2006 23:23

Well, hideehi, all I can say is that you are a great mum for listening to your ds and doing something about his unhappiness. My parents didn't with me and I'm still hung up about it(not to mention that I flunked my exams).

Original poster
Hideehi · 09/10/2006 23:23

I see where you're coming from but i think the only way he's going to be happy is at the school he wants to be at and for the sake of £14k i think we'll all suffer a lot less in the long run if just goes, but by god he'd better pass that 11+ or i'll throttle him, or put him on ebay.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hideehi · 09/10/2006 23:24

thanks nearlythree

OP posts:
cece · 09/10/2006 23:25

Is that really how much it costs!

Original poster
Hideehi · 09/10/2006 23:26

£7k a year, i know i had three in when i was married to ex, makes your eyes water doesn't it, was small change to him though.

OP posts:
cece · 09/10/2006 23:30

OMG I feel faint - must lie down...

Hope you sort it out hideehi so that everyone is happy. It just doesn't seem fair that you have to work when you have 5 week old twins...