Bullied...and then this happens!

[MarmaladeSun]

Following on from my other thread about DD being bullied at school. She had been taunted, teased, hit, pinched, shoved, and had her possessions stolen. We tried the diplomatic appraoch as we live in the same village. No joy from the girl, no joy from parents, so we went to the school. They did act quickly by making sure the girls ween't in classes etc together but they still get the same bus home. Anyway, after having 'whore' shouted in her ear ALL day, DD snapped and hit this kid. So they called the police. DD was interviewed last night, and despite it being through severe provocation she was finger printed, DNA'd and had her mug shot taken! My poor 11 year old child - I could have cried for her. Now she has a warning and if anything else happens she's in the * basically. meanwhile this other kid is free to taunt, and bully as much as she likes! The police even admitted that DD was driven to it, but had to follow procedures. I'm so so upset over this. DH now wants me to file counter charges and have this little b*ch go through the same thing, and I have to say I think I will. Even knowing that DD was going to the police station last night, and being warned by teachers she still called DD an ugly whore over and over yesterday in one of their few lessons where they have to be together. I'm at my wits end.

Message withdrawn

Hi OOps and everyone. It would seem that my son was also suffering at school in some way as since we have been home educating his tummy aches, and sickness, and strops have vanished. I know he used to cop it when DD wasn't at school, but he was also clearly unhappy there, so good result all round really, at least as far as the kids are concerned. The police/MP/school are another matter entirely!

have you been to the police today yet?

their attitde is just not good enough

Yes, I went to the police yesterday and gave the list of witnesses and medical release form in. We also reported a new assault that happened the day AFTER this kid was interviewed, and was told the officer trained to deal with kids would be in touch. And guess what????? Nothing! I had an e mail from the inspector who told me that there would very likely be no prosecution on the part of this girl, and that it's something that the school needs to deal with. No s**t!!!! Well, would someone mind telling the schools that because at the moment no one is willing to take the initiative, and in the meantime the bullies carry on getting away with it.

Why not ask the police to explain why they came round to your house so quickly when the other family made a complaint, resulting in your daughter having a caution on her record, but are failing to take any action in relation to the other girl's comparable actions. At the end of the day, pinching and stamping on feet must surely constitute some sort of assault and if your daughter is old enough to have to face the consequences of hitting the girl, the other girl must be of a similar age... God, they are so cr*p!

I'd make a formal complaint to the police - they are treating two people who complain of bullying completely differently. Can't remember what the body is that you complain to but could be Police Complaints Authority (plus you will have a local board that is meant to represent the public interest). Also update your MP and your solicitor. This is appalling.

If you've got any energy left, get your MP to raise it with the education secretary - can't think who it is but DfES needs to know how schools are actually operating rather than just issuing policy and thinking it is all fine. If school gets inquiries from Whitehall they might finally realise they have f*cked up here.

realy sorry to hear your story youve been pushed from pillar to post and back again.if i was in your shoes i would be very tempted to go to the tabloids.why should any child suffer in this way

I am bloody bloody fuming. I have just received an e mail from the inspector at the local police station regarding the bullying of my daughter. The following is an extract:

"My view that bullying ,certainly within school or on transport provided
by the school is and remains within the domain of the school itself
(short of extreme circumstances)
It is not the place of a police service to deal with every minor
incident that occurs between children this would be totally ridiculous
,
It is the
responsibility of the school,its governers and their supervision whilst
at school and generally the parents when not.
As in the wider circs around your daughters case the police have
become involved at the insistance of parents ,this may result in
punishment( reprimands) but in all honesty it is education that is
required around learning how to treat one another which is why with
children of 11 being the concerned parties, i say it is a school issue
save for extreme circs

The final point ...Pc** attendance

We are a busy policing sector ,the offender has been interviewed in
timely manner and further statements will be obtained when time
allows...we do have to prioritise our time ,that does not mean that
anyone is not important just that sometimes more urgent matters have to
come first
I will be speaking to your Daughters school to discuss their bullying
policy
Again i wish i could offer more but the school has to be the lead
agency in such matters ....reprimanding someone does not change policy
...people change policy and i note you are in dialogue with your Mp on
this matter"

Now, would anyone else be furious at being told that their daughter being bullied is 'minor' and to ask for police help is 'ridiculous'? To be told that, despite her being bullied so badly that I am now home educating her and my son, they have more important things to do? What the f**k is a parent supposed to do when NO ONE in a position of authority will lift a finger to help? I am sickened to the stomach.

IMO simple punched/bullied in school - school deals
punched/bullied out of school - police deals

Piffle; the school refused to deal with it, despite my daughter being diagnosed with depression directly related to it. 50% of it took place on the school bus. The school say it's not happeneing in school, and on the bus it is the police's problem. the Police say it is the school's problem. the parents were a waste of space so what does a parent do????

yes i would be fuming too they were certainly quick enough to act when it was your dd.can you take it further,complain further up the ranks maybe

I agree with Bubbles, they didn't think that cautioning your daughter was 'ridiculous' did they?

MarmaladeSun,

With regards to this particular comment made by the police:-

"My view that bullying ,certainly within school or on transport provided by the school is and remains within the domain of the school itself (short of extreme circumstances)"

When would they get involved then?. I honestly think that short of someone actually being stabbed I would think they would not do anything. The parents of this girl who has done all this to your children must be laughing because authorities in this case have done nothing and are toothless. This particular girl is still in school isn't she?.

From what I have seen neither the school or the police wish to take any responsibility for the matter. They're basically saying that its the other's fault. From my understanding as well many schools do not want to know if bullying takes places off their premises.

Have you heard from your MP?.

Attila...believe it or not, the MP, upon hearing that I have deregistered my children and am now educating them at home, saw fit to report me to what used to be social services! I gave them permission to contact the director of education regarding the school's lack of action, and instead they contacted the director of adult care and community services!!!!! Everybody, but EVERYBODY, is passing the buck, and evading the real issues here - bullying in schools.

I have read this thred and posted on it . After every thing that has happened I really think you have no option but to go to the papers and see if you can get help there . Everything is just being passed around and you have been treated appalilingly (ok cant spell ) I dont think you have anything to loose as your kids are now out of that terrible school . Best of luck .

Sorry, haven't time to read everything but have you got legal advice? And agree, go for publicity, the Telegraph have articles on schools and education in their weekend section and they have an education correspondent too.

Oh FFS do go to the papers and get yourself a solicitor, this is APPALLING. And contact Alan Johnson, secretary of state for education, yourself. Just write to him at DFES HQ in London.

Marmalade, hvae just read this whole thread with great sadness for all that's happened to your family and I do hopr that your children are feeling happier now.

My dd was badly bullied at school for a while when she was in reception. The other kid was a complete nutter and bit her, slapped and punched her endlessly.
School repeatedly did nothing as they didn't see it happening. Then one day this child sunk her teeth in my dd's shoulder so badly it drew blood and the teacher 'mentioned' it to me as I collected her. Still nothing.

I wrote, complained, had meetings with Head.. nothing. Spoke to the council who said that my daughter had rights to be protected by the school and did I want them to step in. Yes please!

I even got hold of said bully in the playground and threatened her IN FRONT EVERYONE, as I had made a promise to my DD that noone would hurt my little girl and get away with it. She said 'Oh but mummy, she is allowed to do it cos no one tells her off!)

Nothing!
We pulled her out. By this time our gorgeous little 6 yr old was a wreck.

Then 1 week later, in the classroom, the teacher turned round and caught the bully seriously strangling the child next to her!!! She was instantly expelled.

Hurray!!
My point being is that I think that it was only when other people suffered too that they would really do something.

Edam; thanks. I have now just written a 3 page letter to Alan Johnson.
I have just received a further e mail from the police, saying that they are happy to speak to the media and will make 'appropriate comments with reference the offender', i.e my daughter. In other words, they will paint her in a bad light as she was charged and the bully was not.
Upandaway...I'm sorry to hear of your daughter's plight in school; fortunately the school had no choice but to deal with it in view of the other child being hurt. But isn't it disgraceful that it takes that to get them to listen?

I agree with Edam

Go to a solicitor, explain the situation, pay oh I don't know about £50 for them to write a letter to the school to demand compensation/action (hold the headmaster directly responsible if you like that should put the fear of God into him)( eg compensation for damages to your daughters health, cost of home schooling), see how it goes from there.

As for pursuing this other girl, you probably have a case for assault, a solicitor would give you good advice about whether it would be successful wrt circumstances/witnesses.

Incidentally - does that school have year heads/pastoral care, the people involved in that might be closer to the pupils and more effective/aware of interpersonal issues than the head.

marmalade, forgive me if you have done this, but did you complain to the LEA about the situation?

Glad to hear you've written that letter MS. Don't remember if you have a solicitor already but I think you should get one and be pursuing the school for compensation - sometimes money is the only thing that gets organisations to take any notice. Solicitor might also be handy in challenging the cops.

Marmalade, I think there MUST be other children who have been bullied by this child.
It would be very unusual if your child was the only one to be bullied. You did say your DS was also picked on by her.
Maybe you could start talking to other parents about it and do some digging. Build up yopur own case of witnesses and victims in this dreadful situation. It surely would strengthen your daughter's case.
Other parents are bound to have opinions on this. What about dd's friends, can you talk to their parents?

MarmaladeSun I've just read the whole thread and think you're amazing. I was bullied at school for years, once I left I went to college got a degree and have a fantastic job- good home- lovely husband and beautiful baby girl. I recently heard that the ringleader of the bullies was down and out, a rampant alcholic. Oh how I laughed!
That little git will get her justs.

p.s. Just a thought... you've put up and fantastic battle and every institution that is supposed to protect your kids has failed, can you pass this fight onto kidscape or any other bully charity (?) so you can get back to family life?

What I find appalling is the way every person in authority is colluding in the bullying, from the headteacher to the police and your MP. Maybe Kidscape would be a source of help?