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Original poster

Bullied...and then this happens!

232 replies

MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 07:42

Following on from my other thread about DD being bullied at school. She had been taunted, teased, hit, pinched, shoved, and had her possessions stolen. We tried the diplomatic appraoch as we live in the same village. No joy from the girl, no joy from parents, so we went to the school. They did act quickly by making sure the girls ween't in classes etc together but they still get the same bus home. Anyway, after having 'whore' shouted in her ear ALL day, DD snapped and hit this kid. So they called the police. DD was interviewed last night, and despite it being through severe provocation she was finger printed, DNA'd and had her mug shot taken! My poor 11 year old child - I could have cried for her. Now she has a warning and if anything else happens she's in the * basically. meanwhile this other kid is free to taunt, and bully as much as she likes! The police even admitted that DD was driven to it, but had to follow procedures. I'm so so upset over this. DH now wants me to file counter charges and have this little b*ch go through the same thing, and I have to say I think I will. Even knowing that DD was going to the police station last night, and being warned by teachers she still called DD an ugly whore over and over yesterday in one of their few lessons where they have to be together. I'm at my wits end.

OP posts:
beetroot · 08/10/2006 20:02

somerset!

shame, My mil lives in Suffolk though

mumandlovingit · 09/10/2006 07:46

hope you have a better day today.are they still going to school until the home ed is sorted?

how are things at present?

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 09/10/2006 11:27

Hi. Yes they are in school today but unbelieveably DD just rang me to say that this girl is STILL being verbally abusive to her, despite her being questioned by the police yesterday!!!!! How the hell do you deal with kids like this? This is how I know that the situation will never be resolved because this child seems to just laugh at authority. I was trying to hold off until half term, but can't see it myself.

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mumandlovingit · 09/10/2006 11:30

can you not take them out of school now??

this child obviously has no respect for anyone and the school seem as bad as her.

are the parents not doing anything? id be mortified if one of my children was doing these things.

got to go and pick up ds from school now, he's half days until january!

good luck though.you're a great mum standing by your kids the way you are and not letting that girl get away with it.

HumphreyPETERCUSHION · 09/10/2006 11:35

Hi MarmaladeSun,

Am I right in thinking you have decided to home educate your children?

If so, I'd advise you to write the deregistration letter now, and go and pick your children up.

You can see sample letters on the Education Otherwise website.

Enough is enough, and clearly the school is incapable of stopping this dreadful bullying.

If you're not going to HE, sorry for confusing you with someone else!

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 09/10/2006 11:51

Hi Humphrey...yes you have got the right person. I have made the decision to HE but the original plan was for them to come out at half term. I really did think that receiving a reprimand from the police might work where nothing else has failed but it appears not. I am so so frustrated that this girl is defying everything.
Mumandlovingit...no. The parents are doing nothing; they actually told me that verbal bullying is acceptable, as is pinching etc, but my daughter snapping and hitting this girl back once sent them running to the police (which I believe is typical bullying behaviour).
I am just waiting for the police to call me back to see what the outcome of yesterday's interview was, and to tell hyim that it continuing, and then I will decide whether to take them out today.

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themoon666 · 09/10/2006 12:12

Hi M.Sun.... I cannot believe the hassle you are STILL going through with that school!! Last time I checked this thread you were going to phone the bus company. I take it you got nowhere with that?

You are an amazing mum... so strong for your kids. Keep your chin up girl... you know you are right.

I have no more suggestions for you... just wanted to be supportive and let you know what a fab job I think you're doing.

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 09/10/2006 12:33

Hi themoon...no I got nowhere with the bus company - I didn't expect to to be honest.

I have no more suggestions either! I feel I've run out of options, apart from the final one of HE which I am going to do. Even if it sorted itself out, I wouldn't keep them in school anyway now,and to be honest my relationship with the school is now extremely acrimonious. I am still waiting for the police to call me back and tell me what happened yesterday and to explain why this kid still feels she can continue with this onslaught. I'll let you know how it goes.

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clerkKent · 09/10/2006 12:48

Nothing will make the girl stop. An elbow in the corridor is likely to bne unseen by anyone, impossible to proove, and typical of a bully. She will deny it ever happened. The poilce and the school will not be able to stop her - clearly her parents will not either. The head is not strong enough to take a real stand (did you see the Sunday Telegraph says there is a national shortage of headteachers - they cannot take the strain). Why wait for half term?

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 09/10/2006 13:23

You're exactly right - the things this kid does are so sly that they can be passed off as 'accidents' if anyone does see.
DD has had to go and write a statement along with her friend today about the verbal assault. But after she did this the bully started on her AGAIN! So presumably the year head hasn't pulled ths girl up about this latest incident. In isolation, it could be put down to name calling, but with everything else which has been going on over the last few weeks/months it's bullying, pure and simple. I was waiting for half term simply as a deadline, if you like. Let them see the half term out, gather contact details from friends etc...but it's not looking likely now!

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GirlySquare · 09/10/2006 13:33

Hi MarmaladeSun - I was bullied through primary and senior school and I'm still affected by it now. I thought things had changed but obviously I was wrong. I'm shocked by what's happening to your children and I agree why wait until half term. Some people are just vicious and vindictive and there's nothing that will change them. IMHO your kids have been very strong and there comes a point where you just say enough! Good luck to you all you sound like a great family.

mamalocco · 09/10/2006 14:01

Am new to MN (yeah I know what have I been doing with my life!!) and have just read the whole thread and my eyes are streaming. My neighbour's son was bullied at school including an incident last year when his head was rammed against a car until he was knocked unconcious. Despite the whole incident being caught on someone's phone the bully was not suspended for some time and then only for a couple of days. When he went back to school he was giving personal tutition and my neighbours son wasn't even given any help in catching up with missed work. The police told him he needed to 'learn to stand up for himself'!!!!

All I can say is well done for everything you've done so far - I hope I'd be able to handle it as well if we were ever in such an unfortunate situation. My only bit of of advice would be to go as public as you can with the story. But I can understand that once you start the HE you will probably want to forget about the school. Best of luck xxx

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 09/10/2006 14:11

Hi all...I am so upset. DD called again to tell me that at the end of lunch this girl waited until she was alone and then kicked her in the back of the leg. She won't report it as the teacher told her 'if there are no witnesses I am not interested'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After everything that has happened. I am deregistering them tomorrow, but can't go and collect them today as DH has gone off to work with the car seat and I have a 2 year old here. They still have to face the rest of the day and the bus journey home. I have informed the police, but have to wait til the officer in charge to come on duty.

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Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 09/10/2006 14:15

Just called the school too, and shock horror the head is unavailable as is the year head. I let the secretary know, in no uncertain terms, how angry I am. I'm actually shaking with anger as i type this.

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suedonim · 09/10/2006 15:26

No useful advice to give, MarmaladeSun, but just wanted to say I've been following this thread and am and about what's happening.

ElleMacpherson · 09/10/2006 15:35

MS, I am gopsmacked

Is there a seat you can borrow?

Get your kids out of that school asap

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 09/10/2006 15:39

Hi Elle...I live in a small village and no one around has young kids so I'm stuck for a car seat. School finishes in 15 minutes anyway, and I'm not sending them back anymore. But I am not letting this go. I will get this situation into print, be it in the paper or a magazine...there are parents who have no idea this goes on in schools. It really scares me that if this child can get away with this behaviour now, for so long, what is she going to do in the future? Knife maybe? She now faces being arrested; in fact the officer who is dealing with it said that he has no problems putting her in a cell for a few hours and this will result in her having a final warning. I am also considering an ASBO and/or injunction as this kid lives in the same village (same street in fact).

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ElleMacpherson · 09/10/2006 15:42

Hya (i am beetroot)

Good Luck with this. For what it's worth i think you are doing the right thing. Good Luck

If you are doing a visit tothe West Country make sure you come adn see us!

fairyjay · 09/10/2006 15:44

MS
I am glad that you are getting support from the Police, and I hope the school and it's staff get the slating they deserve.

clerkKent · 09/10/2006 17:02

I am horrified that the bully lives in the same street.

I would strongly advise against going public - at least using your real names. If you do, your kids may be picked out for years to come by everyone in the village. The bully's family will have it in for you. It would be better to make a clean break - get away from the school, then have nothing more to do with the whole business - put it behind you. Otherwise the future actions of the head, school, police and bully will always be with you. I know this attitude will not change the world, but your children and your own piece of mind might be a higher priority for you.

DorisH · 09/10/2006 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

DashingRedhead · 09/10/2006 18:56

MarmaladeSun - I am horrified by what your kids and you are going through, but you are being brilliant. I don't know if you've been there, but there's also an excellent website called BullyingOnline. But it sounds like kidscape are giving you loads of support anyway. Very best of luck to you and your family.

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 10/10/2006 09:38

Hi everyone. Well, the police are turning out to be as bad as the rest. They were due to come around last night to take a list of witnesses and to obtain permission for a medical release from the GP (DD has been diagnosed with signs of depression due to bullying). They didn't turn up! How stressful for an 11 year old to sit waiting all night for the police. They didn't even phone. When I called him he had forgotten; said he was tied up with another case..ok but why no phone call? He spoke to the head and now says 'This has gone far enough; the way this is going 2 11 year old girls will end up with criminal records'. I replied that my daughter already had one, and he said 'well at this rate the other girl will get one too' in a 'oh we don't want that now do we?' tone of voice. I said that I very much wanted that, as she is getting away with murder and his suggestion? Sit in the heads office with the parents and thrash it out! This kid has denied everything, so now it will be sent to court and the chances are it will be thrown out, so this little *** will get off scot free.
Anyway, I am just off to the school now with my deregistration letters, and the kids will be home ed from now on.

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ElleMacpherson · 10/10/2006 10:42

MS what a horrid horrid situation. Your kids need ot get out now and have some gentle and kind poeple aroudn them to build their confidence. I really really recomend counselling so thatthis is not taken into adult hood with her.

MeAndMyBoy · 10/10/2006 10:57

MS I haven't posted before but have been reading your thread with increasing disbelief - the situation have gone past farcical into the realms of the soap opera writer.

Your children are so lucky to have you for their Mum and fighting their corner for them. The little cow that is doing this will never learn because as you've already said - she's not the one that is being punished she's got away with everything so far - unbelievable! the headmaster is a complete and utter waste of space and time - so who actually runs the school I wonder?

The fact that this girl and her family are in the same village as you does make life more difficult - but I bet they are known round the village as trouble makers. I lived in a small village and went to the village school and everyone knew who the trouble makers where.

I hope the home schooling goes well and that your DS and DD are able to recover their confidence very soon. I have no doubt that this girl will try things out of school now they aren't there so might be worth trying to put a plan of action in place for your kids to deal with this?

Take care
H x

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