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Original poster

Bullied...and then this happens!

232 replies

MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 07:42

Following on from my other thread about DD being bullied at school. She had been taunted, teased, hit, pinched, shoved, and had her possessions stolen. We tried the diplomatic appraoch as we live in the same village. No joy from the girl, no joy from parents, so we went to the school. They did act quickly by making sure the girls ween't in classes etc together but they still get the same bus home. Anyway, after having 'whore' shouted in her ear ALL day, DD snapped and hit this kid. So they called the police. DD was interviewed last night, and despite it being through severe provocation she was finger printed, DNA'd and had her mug shot taken! My poor 11 year old child - I could have cried for her. Now she has a warning and if anything else happens she's in the * basically. meanwhile this other kid is free to taunt, and bully as much as she likes! The police even admitted that DD was driven to it, but had to follow procedures. I'm so so upset over this. DH now wants me to file counter charges and have this little b*ch go through the same thing, and I have to say I think I will. Even knowing that DD was going to the police station last night, and being warned by teachers she still called DD an ugly whore over and over yesterday in one of their few lessons where they have to be together. I'm at my wits end.

OP posts:
lucykate · 28/09/2006 11:47

this is awful, your poor dd. the way the school is dealing with it is appalling, if it is your dd who is being moved classes and told not to go out at breaktimes then she, as the victim of the bullying, is effectivley recieving the punishment instead of the real bully. all this says to the other girl is that she can carry on bullying as she's still yet to recieve any consequences for it. can they not see that all that will happen now is the bully will just end up finding another target.

i would make a counter claim with the police without a doubt.

slug · 28/09/2006 11:50

The police are wrong. You are perfectly within your rights to complain to them of something that happens on school property. If they say otherwise just ask them to point you to the piece of legislation that separates school property from the rest of the UK. Schools are not like the Vatican, UK laws apply there too.

snorkle · 28/09/2006 11:51

Message withdrawn

LizP · 28/09/2006 13:16

slug is right - if a member of staff abused a child in school the police wouldn't say "it's school property we have no authority". And haven't football players gone to court for offences during a match - usually dealt with by the FA but for serious enough offences the police get involved.

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 13:38

Hi. Ok, so far today, having spoken to Kidscape, I have made an appointment at the GP for her. This should, in turn, lead to me being able to legitimately keep her off school for a few days until this is sorted out. I have informed the police that I want to file counter charged, and am waiting for them to come round (not sure when). I have written to my MP about the whole thing, and called the school to ask for their anti-bullying policy. They weren't best pleased and I got a very frosty reception but I didn't rise to it. As the (wonderful) advisor at kidscape said 'What you need now is action, not REaction'.

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Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 13:39

EXPAT - yes it is wonderful to see. As the saying goes 'the best revenge is doing well in life'.

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snorkle · 28/09/2006 13:43

Message withdrawn

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 21:44

DD came home today with more complaints of bullying! It's unbelievable. This kid hit her with a ruler in the back in the middle of a lesson - DD was moved! Then on the bus she stamped on DD's foot twice. The police have taken details, and will take a statement over the weekend,and then this kid will be charged. I an't believe the lack of control these schools have over their pupils.

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edam · 28/09/2006 22:00

Marmalade, do you mind saying which LEA you are in? Only I wrote an article on bullying and interviewed councils in about four areas on their policies. It would be very interesting if you happened to be in one of the areas I covered where they were telling me what fab policies they have... you can CAT me if you want a copy of the article, may give you some ideas about government policy (which the school is flouting) and different approaches taken against bullying.

The school has got this completely arse about tit. You do NOT punish the victim by making them stay in at playtime, you address the bully's behaviour. And as another poster said, the police are wrong too - the laws of the land apply on school property. Report every incident with this nasty piece of work (all the ones to date) whether at school or outside.

(In case you don't know, CAT is contact another talker, under 'useful stuff' at the top of the page.)

edam · 28/09/2006 22:03

Also, did the police explain to you and your dd what a caution involves? It's an admission of guilt that stays on your record for a certain amount of time (several years IIRC). You should have had the opportunity to seek legal advice before accepting a caution. Did they inform you or your dd of her right to consult a lawyer? Get onto a solicitor - a firm that deals with juveniles - and see if the police have broken any rules here. Because if they have, the caution might be void, and that would be helpful for your dd.

hairymclary · 28/09/2006 22:12

marmaladesun,wasn't it you whose son was being bullied too?
I hoipe you get this sorted out

GarfieldsGirl · 28/09/2006 22:15

Hi MarmaladeSun. Firstly I just wanted to say how terribly sad this is for your DD and you and how upsetting and angry this must be making you feel.

Just to add to waht others have said re the police being 'unable' to act on school grounds. A school down here where I live used to have police posted outside all day as it had become so bad there for both pupils adn staff. My nephew and his friends were also arrested due to offences made on school grounds (although not bullying).

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 22:35

Hairy - yes it was my son also. he had a suspected broken nose. We took both children out of that school altogether and they are now at a different school.
Edam - I'm in Suffolk if that helps? The PC did mention that we were entitiled to legal counsel, but I was NOT told that DNA etc would be taken until they brought in the pack. I was gobsmacked and heartbroken watching my 11 year old daughter being treated like that. She even had to sign a piece of paper on a line saying 'signature of prisoner'!
I have been given the name of a solicitor who specialises in this, so will be giving him a call tomorrow.
I know that the fact that both DS and DD have been bullied make me look like a neurotic mother, or a troublemaker - I am most certainly not either of these - but I have had just about enough of this and can't believe how prevalent it is in our schools.

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Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 22:38

Edam, thinking about it, we weren't told about how admitting it would give her a record. She was asked to tell them what happened and she did, as honestly as she could which included admitting the slap. It was just assumed at the start that she had hit her.

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Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 29/09/2006 09:47

Deep breath - I sent DD in to school today with her mobile phone and a note to the school to say she is not to have it taken off her, and she is to use it if she feels threatened or bullied etc. So...she phoned me from the school bus to say that this kid is still verbally harrassing her, calling her a whore again, and a tt etc. So I got in the car and drove to the school, and asked to see the head. he tried to play it down, said he is powerless to act on things happening on the bus. I got mad and told him he knows as well as I do that that's bull (more politely) and he can exclude a pupil for behaviour on the bus. He then tried to cahnge tack, and kept asking DD if she had done anything to the other girl 'Have you said anyhting to her', 'have you done anythign to her, are you sure?' I couldn't believe it. I asked him why was he protecting the bully? He had no answer but kept trying to lay the blame, or at least 50% of it, at DDs door. I told him he was being very naive, that DD wasn't allowed to say anything to this kid due to her reprimand and that it is clear to anyone who the perpetrator is. He said 'well I've spoken to both girls'. I was very proud of myself as I am usually non confrontational but I would not let him ttalk over me, and would not let him blame DD. I told him his handling was ineffective, that he was failing in his duty of care, that I had pressed charges against the kid and the school's name was going to be severely tainted because of their inability to take any action. So there!!!
He was going to get the other kid in this morning and 'talk' to her. FFS

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Miaou · 29/09/2006 09:55

Jeez MarmaladeSun, just read all this this morning. Unbloodybelieveable!!!

Good for you for fighting her corner though. I wish I had some constructive advice.

fattiemumma · 29/09/2006 09:58

how disgusting. no wonder there is such a large bulliying problem if this is what happens when you stand up to them.

i would cintact the local paper, im sure a headline of Bullying vitcim gets arrested! would open a few eyes and hopefully shame the family of the bully into doing something about it.

so sorry your poor DD has to go through all this

Original poster
MarmaladeSun · 29/09/2006 10:07

Hi Miaou - it's enough to have words of encouragement . Sometimes when something like this happens, you feel you are very much out there on your own so it's nice to have confirmation that you are right.
Fattiemumma - I have told the head that I will take it all the way if needs be. I think he thought I'd be a soft touch; pretty floaty floral dress, pastel colour cardi etc and a toddler in tow! How wrong he was. I used a very quiet but very strong tone, and told him that to underestimate how strongly I feel would be to the school's detriment! I was shaking inside mind you. It helped enormously when I talked to kidscape yesterday; she warned me that I would meet with these attitudes, and how the school would try and turn it around to be DD's and my fault.
Incidentally, this girl is now getting her friend to start on DD (she stamped on her foot also yesterday) and the bully is turning her attentions to my son too. I am so sick of it, and of the school.

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JennyLee · 29/09/2006 10:44

You have my sympathy and you sound like a wonderful Mother. your children are still fortunate despite these circumstances as they have you and you are doing exactly what is right. I don't know you but I think you are great, stand up to these people and protect your dd, you should be proud of yourself as at least your kids know their mother is doing everything she can to protect them! Dont take any sh*t from the head teacher either!!! you go girl!!! (and all that sort of thing)

AngelaChill · 29/09/2006 10:51

Something very similar happened to me at senior school, the girls parents were called in and told the head that they were seperating and the girl thought i had overheard a private conversation and that's why she put me in hospital, the school didn't even suspender her. What hurt more than anything the bully did was the feeling of being completely powerless.
I would just remove her but that probably isn't the right thing to do. It take courage to stand up to the school (which my parents didn't have) and I think you're bloody fantastic !!!

AngelaChill · 29/09/2006 10:52

Suspend not suspender, whatever was i thinking

morningpaper · 29/09/2006 10:55

Good for you marmalade sun

It might be worth making a formal complain to the governors, to ask them to investigate the school's bullying procedures and to make sure that they are adequate - governors are usually very helpflu about this issue

pageturner · 29/09/2006 11:08

Have read this thread with horror and on your and your dd's behalf. Your poor girl! Can't believe the behaviour of the police, it must have broken both your hearts.

I think you've been utterly fantastic, MarmaladeSun. Your dd needs to see that her mother is fighting for her, and that's exactly what she's seeing. What a star you are. Just think, next time you face down the head, remember you've got about 50 MNers standing behind you yelling "Go! Go! Go!"

Great advice on this thread too from people who know their stuff. Fantastic!

mumblechum · 29/09/2006 11:18

I think MorningPaper's advice is good.

batters · 29/09/2006 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.