Bullied...and then this happens!

[MarmaladeSun]

Following on from my other thread about DD being bullied at school. She had been taunted, teased, hit, pinched, shoved, and had her possessions stolen. We tried the diplomatic appraoch as we live in the same village. No joy from the girl, no joy from parents, so we went to the school. They did act quickly by making sure the girls ween't in classes etc together but they still get the same bus home. Anyway, after having 'whore' shouted in her ear ALL day, DD snapped and hit this kid. So they called the police. DD was interviewed last night, and despite it being through severe provocation she was finger printed, DNA'd and had her mug shot taken! My poor 11 year old child - I could have cried for her. Now she has a warning and if anything else happens she's in the * basically. meanwhile this other kid is free to taunt, and bully as much as she likes! The police even admitted that DD was driven to it, but had to follow procedures. I'm so so upset over this. DH now wants me to file counter charges and have this little b*ch go through the same thing, and I have to say I think I will. Even knowing that DD was going to the police station last night, and being warned by teachers she still called DD an ugly whore over and over yesterday in one of their few lessons where they have to be together. I'm at my wits end.

marmaladesun, I remember from your other thread that you have contacted Kidscape, can they help any further? And did you really say your MP had reported you???????? In which case I'd write to the party leader asap. And maybe you could try the Shadow Education secretary - David Willets, apparently - obviously he'd try to get political mileage out of the situation but who cares if you get justice.

The Telgraph's education correspondent is Liz Lightfoot [email protected]. In her Q&A column this week she took up a complaint by a parent about her 5 yr old being punished for not being able to use scissors properly. There was a reply from the teacher but all were anonymous. Really might be worth giving her a go.

You aren't in Wales by any chance?

Hi all. I'll answer from back to front as I've had a few glasses of red and can't concentrate, LOL. Ok, nearlythree...yes, my MP reported me to the director of adult care and community (which I believe is formerly social services). I called them up and they have no dealings with education whatsoever, so can only assume that they are wanting to call me to account for taking my kids out of school (which I have done legally by the way, as is my legal right). I wrote to Alan Johnson today, the secretary of state for education, quoting some facts and figures, and outlining how appalling the school has been. I believe, although not sure, he is a member of the opposition (as opposed to my local MP) so will very well use it to his advantage but who the hell cares? Horses for courses I say. I did read the letter about the 5 year old who was punished for not using scissors in the telegraph (I have been buying it for the horrible history books, LOL). I have had a journalist interested but as it's an ongoing legal case they are a bit wary. However, I'm afraid I told the police to stuff it today and that I no longer need their brand of 'help' (we all know the CPS will dismiss it) so I will be free to go to the media.
Treaclebeetle and edam; I have been in close contact with kidscape throughout this. Not sure if I can hand the whole thing over (it's very long and convoluted) but they might be able to bring some pressure to bear I suppose. I will ring the advisor tomorrow and see what she says.
Treacle...it is well documented that bullies go on to not-so-great things in life. They say the best revenge is getting on well with your life and being happy. In a further letter from the police (e mail to be precise) he complained that he has had to deal with 2 armed robberies recently. i told him that cahnces are the armed robbers were former bullies, and if the police/schools did their jobs then, his life would be much easier as a result!
Upandaway; yes. There are other children affected by this kid. Another girl's mother removed her from the school because of this kid, although her brother stayed there. My son got it when DD was off school sick; she waited for him to come out of class and deliberately tripped him up etc. And since we left the school, this girl has made one of DD's friends cry with her verbal nastiness (this is how it started with DD). She punched a child on the bus a few weeks ago because this other girl wouldn't let her tickle her...she's just a nasty piece of work. All of this was reported to the school; they were not interested.
To make matters worse, I bumped (literally) into the mother and her she devil daughter today in Tesco. I SOOOOO wanted to rip her face off!!! The whole family is laughing at us, the police, the school etc.
The next step is indeed a solicitor, if only to get an injunction against this kid and her bloody family, as they live on the same road as us.

By the way; I am now studying for a diploma in bullying and harassment counselling!

MArmeladeSun everytime I read this thread I am just in shock as it keeps getting worse. Everyone you turn to to help with this keeps letting you down. I feel sorry for your children having to go through this when clearly most people who should be responsible for this are ignoring this.

I hope after this is sorted and your children are settled and happy with you HEing them that you (if you have the strength left) publicise this. It is truly shocking and should open some eyes.

Seriously and and at everything that has happened to your children. Thank god that they have a mother like you.

Marmaladesun - I think you should send a copy of this thread to the media. It says it all. IMO I think that in taking your children out of school you have done the best thing a parent could do. I was bullied at school and was simply told by my parents and teachers to "put up or shut up". I felt alone, terrified and powerless. By believing your daughter and supporting her you have done a very good thing.

Alan Johnson is Labour, although as he wants to be PM he may well see this as a good opportunity to show what a caring chap he is. If your MP is Labour I would def. contact David Willets of the Conservatives as they would love a story about a mum going to their MP for help and being reported to Social Services for nothing - nanny state and all that.

Marmalade, sorry to harp on but have you reported the school to your Local Education Authority?

Hi Phantom; sorry. Yes, I have reported the school to the LEA, in writing. So far I haven't heard anything.

Guess what??? I just got an e amil from the local MP's office, saying that they made a mistake, and that the director of education was not the same as the dirctor of adult care and community services, which is what she told me! I bloody knew it wasn't! How ridiculous that the MP's office doesn't even know what the different departments within their own council are responsible for! Small victory but it's SO refreshing when someone in authority is made to back down!

I wondered if your MP just didn't know who they were supposed to be contacting, but I didn't think anyone in such an important position could be that thick.

MarmaladeSun - what is the end result you want?

The bully expelled? It will not happen now as your children have left the school

The police to press charges against the bully? They have already said they will not. In terms of police work such as armed robbery, bullying and petty assault (petty to them - not you) is not important.

You risk alienating all the agencies who could possibly help you. By all means keep going, but concentrate on the people who care and take an interest. Otherwise you risk getting more and more angry, which will not help your children.

You are turning into a crusader. If you can keep that separate from your kids, fine. Otherwise, ask yourself who is benefiting, and whether the bully is not still causing havoc in your life. What you have done is marvellous, but it might be better to stop now.

What do I want to happen? I want the school to recognise the mistakes they have made and rectify them. Yes, my children are now safe, but they should not have had to suffer the way they did. My dissatisfaction lies with the school and the police; nobody in a position of authority is willing to deal with these problems. Perhaps I am 'crusading' a bit, I don't know. Should I just let it lie and hope I don't feel too guilty when another child is bullied, perhaps to the extent where they commit suicide? If you think I am exaggerating, then please think again. 16+ children a year commit suicide in the UK due to bullying. But it's easy to just sit back and say 'oh well...doesn't affect me now so I'll let it go'. You may feel it is ok to turn a blind eye...but that is the problem with this country...no one will step in and help. I have another child who is 2, and one day she will be of school age, but with parents the country over sitting back and 'letting it go' she may well have to face much worse bullying than my children have. Let's hope your children don't have to go through it because no one wanted to help.

the school needs to recogise that they are not dealing with bullying issues effectively and that if anyone should've been made to leave the school it was the bully, not the victims.even a formal apology from them and the promise to look into their bullying policy and to ensure that the victims are treated better in future would be a result for you.

the police as usual pick on the wrong people, make you feel guilty for retaliating to the way your daughter was treated by them and wanting the bully to receive the same treatment.truth is they're probably aware of the family's reputation and want to stay well clear of them.

certain families around here get away with far too much because its too much hassle for the police to do anything about them.

you are doing the best you can for your family.indeed look towards some kind of injunction so that your child doesnt get bullied on her doorstep if they're in the same street but at the same time try to move forward.

it wont help either of your children to see you still ave so much hatred towards their family.hard i know but try to deal with the issues still to be resolved but away from your children so that they don't feel in te middle of it still.

you are doing a brilliant job and being a great mum.

I expected a strong reaction. I do have experience of bullying which had a very severe effect on those involved, and the effect did not stop until some months after separation from the bully was achieved. In this case, the worst possible thing for the family would have been to continue the fight against the bully. If you are strong enough, that is fantastic - but not many of us are made of such material.

You can see in previous posts that I have strong views on bullying and I was one of the people who encouraged you to take your children out of that school. I just want it to end for them.

i agree but i feel the mother wont be settled in herself until something has been done with the school and somebody whether its the girl/parents/school have apologised and admitted that they were in the wrong.

i agree that the children need to be able to have closure on the subject now unless they bring it up themselves.

Hi. To be honest my feelings for the bully are pretty much diminished. When all's said and done she is a child,albeit a nasty one. Like I said, my problem now is with the school and to a lesser degree the police. Throughout it all, the school did nothing, and I want them to hold their hands up and say 'ok, we f*ed up' which is why I involved the local MP and then the secretary of state for education. the school will not listen to a lone parent but they might be forced to be accountable to the government. I know for a fact that this kid is still bullying. The police dealt with the 2 children completely differently; again this should not have happened but I am not arrogant enough to think that they will admit failure to me.
The heat IS going out of the situation and when I sit down and think about it I am happy that I have my children safe and sound, and they are over the moon to be home educated. BUT...our lives have been turned upside down by this whole thing. I am forced to run my business in the evening now whereas I was about to go full time during the day with my youngest in nursery. My husband throws it back in my face at every given opportunity that I allowed my daughter to admit that she hit back at this girl, which makes me feel like s**t; I never brought my children up to lie but now I wish I had. This is causing unmentionable problems at home between us. Our whole way of life has changed dramatically and I just want someone to accept not liability as such, but that lessons need to be learned. Contrary to appearances, I am not crusading, I don't spend my time on the phone, or drumming up petitions, or plotting revenge. In fact most of what is going on now are follow ons from what was set in motion long before I withdrew my children from school.
I'm sorry that you have experienced bullying yourself; it is the hardest thing to watch your child being bullied and not be able to do anything about it.
But yes...I am exhausted by it if I am honest, and fed up with the whole thing. I am having fun with my kids, learning lots of stuff that I didn't know, and I do take on board your point. But given what I have done so far, I really resent the implication that I am allowing a negative effect upon my children. they have no idea of what's going on behind the scenes.

Hi Mumandlovingit. I don't even want an apology...it would be nice but unlikely to happen. Just, as I said, an admittance that it wasn't handled very well and a change in attitude.

im glad you are able to do everything that you are doing 'behind the scenes'.

it is not your fault that your daughter told te truth like she should.i do not think its right to teach your child to lie but you are right, she's come no better off for doing it.it is not right for your husband to blame you and make you feel bad for it.

i can understand that you've been through hell and i know myself that i'd want someone to take responsibility and admit that they were wrong. i really hope that you get that.

through all the chances and the turmoil that your family has been through lately just remember one thing, you were right in taking your children out and you are doing the best for yuor children and putting them first.nobody could ask more from you.

if every parent put that much love and effort into their children there probably wouldnt be so many nasty bullies about in the first place.

I'm so sorry to hear how hard things are for you, marmaladesun, it is so unfair. I think you are right to carry on your fight, not just for your own children but for the othe rvictims of this bully, and for the girl herself - if she isn't stopped she could end up in a young offenders institution.

Hi MS been wondering how you and dd have been.

DS1 is very happy its half term so a few days break from the shithead. Yet more problems this week
Can you beleive there is a Playstation game about bulling now, makes me feel sick, maybe the people who make these games would like to meet your DD or my DS.

Hi Kimi

Well it's been 2 weeks of home education now and the children are so much happier. I hadn't realised the extent that DS was affected by school until I withdrew them both. DD is much calmer and more relaxed now, and enthusiastic about learning. Although it's tiring sometimes it's one of the best things I have ever done.
I'm so sorry that your DS is going through this. Have the school done nothing even though you removed him for a while from there? They promised things would change didn't they? What has been happening this week?
I didn't know about the playstation game - is there no sensitivity shown at all to kids these days?

MS, don't let questions about crusading worry you. When I was bullied at school I needed my mum on my side! If you have the energy and the will to continue fighting, go for it - you will help your own children if they can see that the authorities have to account for their collusion with the bullies. And you will help other children who might be at risk of bullying in the future.

Hi Edam
It won't stop me, don't worry. I do understand the points raised to an extent; however the 'crusading' dig did rile me. What I'm doing is sticking up for children and parents who are suffering from this situation and don't know which way to turn. I gained a hell of a lot of information from my children's own experience, and now that they are safe it's just not right to 'sit out' and let someone else fight their corner.I don't know if I can make a difference, but one thing's for sure - if I do or say nothing I WON'T make a difference. Bullying will never be stopped, but attitudes can be changed and teachers/parents/police/MPs CAN be made to listen if enough people shout loud enough.
I am currently studying for a diploma in bullying and harrassment counselling, and after that I want to train to teach assertiveness and then I will offer children a course of dealing with bullying. It won't help kids everywhere, but it might help some locally and that's better than sighing happily and just letting it go, surely? And before anyone jumps on me; I'm not crusading, I'm not looking for applause - I just feel so very very strongly about this and want to make a difference.

MarmeladeSun reading this thread has been very

But from your comments I think that you have done the best you can you sort out the situation. Unfortunately the ones who should have been handling it have not been doing what they ought to.

I'm very glad to hear how much happier your children are, but it shouldn't have come to this should it.

YOu must feel very let down by the school, by your mp and by the police.

This whole thread re enforces what I have always suspected it is not worth fighting the system, my children are happy at school right now but one sniff of trouble and they will be out. One size fits all and any problems with that, nobody is interest.