Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

Bullied...and then this happens!

232 replies

MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 07:42

Following on from my other thread about DD being bullied at school. She had been taunted, teased, hit, pinched, shoved, and had her possessions stolen. We tried the diplomatic appraoch as we live in the same village. No joy from the girl, no joy from parents, so we went to the school. They did act quickly by making sure the girls ween't in classes etc together but they still get the same bus home. Anyway, after having 'whore' shouted in her ear ALL day, DD snapped and hit this kid. So they called the police. DD was interviewed last night, and despite it being through severe provocation she was finger printed, DNA'd and had her mug shot taken! My poor 11 year old child - I could have cried for her. Now she has a warning and if anything else happens she's in the * basically. meanwhile this other kid is free to taunt, and bully as much as she likes! The police even admitted that DD was driven to it, but had to follow procedures. I'm so so upset over this. DH now wants me to file counter charges and have this little b*ch go through the same thing, and I have to say I think I will. Even knowing that DD was going to the police station last night, and being warned by teachers she still called DD an ugly whore over and over yesterday in one of their few lessons where they have to be together. I'm at my wits end.

OP posts:

Original poster

MarmaladeSun · 06/10/2006 11:16

Can anyone tell me if this is normal procedure? DD brought a letter home from the head yesterday regarding moving her class etc. Today, in the post, I have received a duplicate copy of the letter. I have never known this in all my dealings with schools, and I feel (maybe I'm being oversensitive) that this is a further slur on DD's part as the school obviously don't trust her to bring the letter home.
I have asked the head master for an official complaints procedure form, and informed him that copies of the correspondence along with a record of the whole situation and his mismanagement will be included and sent to the LEA.

OP posts:

beetroot · 06/10/2006 11:18

MS I think that they are just making sure that you get it. I wouldn't worry to much about this. Especially as you have so much else to worry about.

I guess they are covering themselves!

Original poster

MarmaladeSun · 06/10/2006 11:19

Lisa27 - thankyou. I don't feel particularly amazing though; in fact I feel like I'm in way over my head sometimes and feel like calling it a day but then I think of that smug little *, and the way the school supports her (another child left the school because of her) and I know that she will just move on to the next poor kid who she decides she doesn't like. I can (and will) deregister my kids and teach them at home, but others won't be as fortunate. I never saw myself as a chained to the railings type of mum, but this has really REALLY made me see red!

OP posts:

Original poster

MarmaladeSun · 06/10/2006 11:20

Beetroot...thanks for being a voice of sanity!!! I did think that but with the whole way this has been handled it seemed like another nail in the coffin so to speak.

OP posts:

lisa27 · 06/10/2006 12:57

Think we are all seeing red on your behalf as well honey. I think you have been a fantastic role model to your kids - and been a really strong mother doing your best to protect them despite the stupid "system" which seems to make everything worse, not better. I s'pose I'm saying I admire you for not losing your cool too. Think I would probably have cracked by now and done something I'd regret.
Good luck with the home education, if that's what you decide to do. Whilst I'm sure it's a daunting thought, I bet it's fantastic fun at times too...

sibdoms · 06/10/2006 16:56

Absolutely (to Lisa's post). What happened about the article your dh was doing? I think by all means take them out, but you need to make sure that this gets talked about and changed as well.

Chandra · 06/10/2006 17:20

I can understand why the police went into all that trouble with your girl. We have called them in the past about seriously aggresive kids and they confess to have their hands tied and just let them go, parents not informed, children refusing to speak saying police can't do anything to them because they are under age. I'm shocked and on your behalf.

Sad thing about you removing your child from the school is that this girl and her mother would have won the battle, but the welfare of your children is far more important than that. If the school is going to be an endless source of distress.... bye bye school, it's not worth it! no academic quality can compensate for a child growing scared and feeling rejected. No way.

Chandra · 06/10/2006 17:21

I can'''t understand I meant to say...

Tiggly · 06/10/2006 17:50

MarmaladeSun I think your terrific for what you are doing to protect your family. I was bullied from 7-19 in school which caused me to fail exams because I couldn't concentrate thus affecting my future career options, and I was anorexic throughout this time which has never really left me (profound issues with food and dieting). I was crying reading some of this as it brought back many unhappy memories. Your an incredible mother and I wish you all the luck in the world. Here's hoping you get the result you deserve for all your hard work

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/10/2006 07:58

Marmaladesun,

I have read many such stories and this whole experience of your childrens' is one of the worst I have ever read.

As for this previous comment made by the school to yourself:-

"they kept saying the girls need to find their own solution!"
If that particular phrase is not an admission of complete failure on the school's part I do not know what is.

www.bullying.co.uk is also a very good website to both look at and write to (they do have an e-mail facility). There are many sections in there you may wish to look at.

I would deregister both your children asap. There is nothing legally to stop you deregistering them, it just takes a letter. In this regard the educationotherwise (think its www.educationotherwise.org.uk) website has info.

Original poster

MarmaladeSun · 07/10/2006 11:09

Attila, and everyone else. Thankyou for validating my feelings and reaction to this situation. There have been times when I've questioned myself - am I over reacting - am I making it worse - but I only have to see the kids faces when they talk about home ed, and when they talk about school, and I know I am doing the right thing. My son, for instance, was sat with tme the other day and we were doing maths with money. He couldn't get the gist of what I was saying and he completely shut down, panicked. I told him it didn't matter anymore, that we would work at his pace and do you know what? He got it within 5 minutes! the pressure was off, the fear of being laughed at by his classmates and ridiculed by the teachers (not saying for one minute it's like this in all schools...I am referring to this one). Despite the school saying they had dealt with it, this kid is STILL doing it. Yesterday both of my children reported that she had deliberately elbowed them out of the way in the corridor, and the kid had called my daughter a fat b**ch! (Ironic as the child is chubby herself and DD is very slim which is, I think, part of the problem). She is being interviewed today by the police, and I did add these incidents to the case file last night. Just shows that once again the school has been ineffective in their dealing with this kid. I have joined Education Otherwise; am now a member, so it's all systems go

OP posts:

edam · 07/10/2006 11:29

Hey Marmalade glad you've been able to reach a decision that will be some relief. Hope you get somewhere with the MP and LEA. This headteacher really needs to be torn off a strip.

edam · 07/10/2006 11:30

FWIW I left a school where I had been bullied for two years and the relief was immense. I was sooooo glad to leave it all behind. And it's very satisfying to discover years later that none of the bullies have made much of their lives.

hatoff · 07/10/2006 11:44

I am so so sad whenever I read of bullying and the way the people who can really do something see their hands as being tied by the system/procedure. Really I think they are "jobs worth" people especially the head who is obviously afraid of the parents who will be harder to face than a decent parent such as yourself. If only we could all face the head with you. If only all the other children could back up your child all the way and force the bully to sit down & shut up. Hopefully one day that bully will get her just deserts although I fear it wont be until someone else is badly hurt by her. Oh why is the world such a horrid place. Sorry I am of no help but just so sad for your poor dd. I really hope things work out really well for you and yours.

CorpseBride · 07/10/2006 11:54

Cool MarmaladeSun. I hope it all works out - it certainly sounds like it will. Having happy children again must be truly wonderful.

Best wishes to you all.

beetroot · 07/10/2006 15:06

MS, my heart goes out toyou and your children.

Can you not move them? The school even if they sort this sound a nightmare!

Original poster

MarmaladeSun · 07/10/2006 17:21

Hi Beetroot - yes I am going to deregister them and home school them. I have no faith in schools anymore. I spoke to the officer in charge this morning and even HE said that the school is dealing with this in a remarkably crappy way.

OP posts:

beetroot · 07/10/2006 22:20

good for you Ms, At presne ti ti would seem the onlyoption. Perhpas in time you canmove ot a school that is more caring adn accomadating

ilovecaboose · 07/10/2006 22:26

MArmeladeSun - have just read this thread and am and for you and your children.

This is unbelievable - no wonder you have taken desicion to HE.

Good luck for the future for you and your children. I hope you will be able to put this behind you and have 2 happy and succesful children.

They must be very proud to have you as a mum.

Original poster

MarmaladeSun · 07/10/2006 22:41

Hi. The remarkable thing is that for the last few months - since she started at this school in fact, Dds face has been breaking out in progressively worse spots. Prior to this she had skin like alabaster. I put it down to her age, and the fact that she recently started her peiods (more for her to contend with, poor kid). BUT...since we have intervened and got involved, her skin is clearing up so rapidly. I'm sure it was stress related and now she knows she has us behind her, and we will protect her, it's as if the symptoms are going.

OP posts:

Original poster

MarmaladeSun · 07/10/2006 22:56

Incidentally, on Friday the head got on DD and DS's bus, looking for a lad who always travels on the bus. The lad had got on, but got off again for some reason, and the head was told this. The head got off (presumably to look for this boy) and the driver drove off without the lad concerned. The teacher was running after the bus. My kids said that the lad's poor mother was waiting at the usual bus stop for her son, and when the bus didn't stop she must have gone to the next one, only to discover that her son wasn't on that one either! I have no idea whether they found the boy or what happened but once again a huge lack of communication in this absolutely crap school. This boy is only 8/9. Whay was he allowed to get off the bus? Why didn't the driver stop him? Why wasn't there a member of staff on bus duty and why was the bus allowed to drive off without him? His mother must have been frantic.
The staff just don't seem to be able to get a grip on anything.

OP posts:

beetroot · 08/10/2006 09:48

there does seem to be a real problem with the school in general.

Is your daughter in year 6?

Will she move to secondary school next year?

is there a few to choose from?

Original poster

MarmaladeSun · 08/10/2006 16:46

Hi Beetroot. She's year 7, in middle school and has another year after thiss chool year to do there before moving to the upper school (which is where the majority of the kids from this school will go to).

OP posts:

beetroot · 08/10/2006 16:48

ah ok, same as ds2. Where in the country are you? it is not common to have the middle school option. They have it hear us htough

Original poster

MarmaladeSun · 08/10/2006 19:59

Hi Beetroot - we're in Suffolk. What about you?

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10